The Air That I Breathe
by journey2002
Summary: After Bella's catastrophic 18th birthday, Jasper leaves, returning to the one thing he knows he is good at...war. Can he one day find the redemption he doesn't know he is looking for? Jasper/Bella Rated M for language and Lemons later. Drama and Romance
1. Prologue

The Air That I Breathe

**Disclaimer:**

**I own nothing except the love of my wonderful family!**

**Author's Note**

**It has been years since I've written anything, but I have been inspired by many of you on the board. So, after much thought, I've decided to post **_**The Air I Breathe**_**. I hope ya'll enjoy this. It will be slow building but I promise your patience will be rewarded. Jasper and Bella have a story they are begging me to tell so I will try to do them, and you the readers, justice.**

**Feel free to review. I love constructive criticism as well as most anything else you want to say.**

_**Prologue:**_

It amazes me that no matter how powerful my mind is I can no longer seem to remember details. Maybe it is a subconscious choice I am unaware of – some way of dealing with everything that has happened in my life. There is no going back for me. Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. I know nothing of my former family, nothing of the world around me, nothing but my mission. This is what I was born to do, the only thing I'm apparently good at. It is the only way I can go on.

This is my existence…my retribution for the damage I've inflicted. Pain is the only thing I'm evidently good at, so it is the only thing I will continue to give, forever.

I do not live. I do not love. I do not breathe.

I exist.

And it is killing me.

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"Jasper," a voice calls from behind the ancient doors. "It is time to go. Grab the passport."

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes mentally reviewing the battle plan one last time. I place my book on the table beside my bed. Reading is the one luxury I still afford myself, my one escape. But, my selections were limited, by no one but me of course. War. Battle. Strategy. These are the only things that matter; they are the only things I study.

I stand from the bed, changing my clothes at a human's speed. I do not anticipate the kill. I plan. I strategize. I succeed. I bring pain – swiftly and harshly. I do not make them suffer though, in spite of the fact they may deserve it.

Quietly I join the on the long driveway, steeping into the black car as we speed off, heading in the direction of the private airstrip. Flying commercial is not an option for us – too many humans, their blood a delicious buffet spread for us. Not that we would ever blatantly feast, control being so much a part of who we are. But, nevertheless, we remove ourselves from the temptation.

A folder was placed in my hand. "Here is your contact in Africa." I glanced at the picture quickly memorizing the man's face as my companion continued. "He has arranged for your transportation when you arrive. There are no overnight arrangements as there should be no need."

I nod my head in agreement. There would be no need. I knew that, having organized this mission myself. "Are they all there?"

"Yes. They are being followed per your orders. No one has left in days. They will need to hunt soon though."

"No, they won't." The firm tone in my voice ended any second questions regarding this. "By the time that becomes necessary we will have already arrived…and departed."

It was his turn to nod, acknowledging my hand in leading this time and preparing a once again flawless mission. "You'll get it done, Jasper. Of that, I have no doubt."

There was no pride in this for me, so special glory or rewards. It is what I do, the only thing I excel at, the only thing I'm worth.

"I need to make sure you understand that last piece of intelligence we just received last night," he continued, his eyes trained on mine.

"What's not to understand?"

He sighed, gauging my reaction. "They're not just a coven of nomads, Jasper. They are a family." He continued to look at me expectantly searching for a reaction we both knew would not come.

I stared back, feeling nothing and sending nothing. There was one key thing I had learned about denial and control: no matter what the object was, indulging occasionally made control that much easier. But now was not my time to indulge; I mastered the control of my gift by indulging in one emotion and one emotion alone. Now was not the appropriate time for that emotion.

"Jasper!" He yelled, exasperated with my lack of response.

"What?" I growled.

"Will this new information be a problem? I know your past history with families."

"Have I ever let you down?" I ask, baring my teeth in a menacing grin.

"Of course not."

"Have they ever been anything but superbly pleased with my work? My plans? My strategies? My leadership?"

"Again, of course not." He looked almost apologetic and if I could I might have felt sorry for him.

"Than tonight will be no exception. I don't care if they are the fucking royal family! It will be done by the end of the night."

Silence surrounded us as the car sped towards our destination. I knew they often wondered about me. I heard their whispers. They questioned my past, my loyalty. They questioned my emotions, or lack thereof, never understanding how an individual always appeared calm when he never exhibited any emotion at all. Truly it was a phenomenon I wasn't always quite sure of myself; but, it was how I survived. I was sure though of one thing. I was in control of me for the first time in my existence and I didn't plan on ever changing that.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**Again, I own nothing. I just like to play with Mrs. Meyer's creations.**

**Author's Note:**

**For at least the time being, this story will remain in Jasper's POV. Bella will be brought in before long, but I feel I have to take the time to set this up right.**

**The flashback scene is crucial to the entire story. It is basically Bella's party in New Moon told from Jasper's POV. It mimics the party scene exactly, just told from a different perspective.**

**As always, please, please send reviews!**

Chapter 1

I settled into the plush leather of the airplane seat reviewing the night's goals: get in, get out, no losses for us, total loss for them. Simple. I liked simplicity. It was necessary in this never-ending war that raged within the secrets of our world. And I was a master in that world. I never ruled anything and I never wanted to; but, I was a master at games. Games, I liked. Games, I won. Tonight was just another game.

I focused on the folder in my hand once more flipping through its contents. My contact and I would never officially meet but he had clearly taken care of our every anticipated need. We would have to remember his name. If his promised gifts come to fruition he would definitely be someone I would use again.

Closing my eyes I focused again on our targets for the night. I didn't know what their crimes were; in fact, I refused to know claiming that it didn't matter to me because I was doing this to protect our world. The hellish truth was it didn't matter to me because it just didn't. I wasn't working this job out of nobility, honor, and loyalty; I was doing this because I was damn good at it.

I felt a sinister smile begin to form on my lips, knowing I was beginning to feel the one emotion that would get me through tonight. I no longer remembered details because they had no relevance to me: war, strategy, battle, those were the only details I needed. Except on a night like tonight. As I slipped into battle mode I let my mind wander to the one moment in time that I remembered every detail of as well as every emotion felt.

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_**Flashback:**_

_As they entered the house, I felt my breath catch in my throat. Alice threw a stiff glance in my direction and I felt more than saw Emmett tense slightly. I knew they were afraid for me; hell, I was afraid for myself. But our fears were not the same. I knew that Alice loved me, just as much as I knew she didn't trust me. She was clever, I had to give her that much; she was good enough to conceal her fears from me when we were near Bella. I wasn't sure how she did it because she was usually such an open book of emotions. But, our time in Arizona enlightened me to my Alice. And Emmett, he was just Emmett. I knew he was anxiously awaiting the day when Bella would be brought into our family; although he would deny it, he was already head over heals in love with his newest sister. I knew he was looking forward to getting to know Bella. He was always aware of the relationship between Edward and Alice and wanted that sort of brother-sister connection himself. Just the way he watched me now told me he would go to the ends of the earth to protect Bella. I had to admit I liked that. _

"_You okay, Jas?" I heard Emmett ask as they crossed the porch, moments before entering the house. He watched me and I could feel the doubt and concern pour off him as Rosalie sulked behind Carlisle and Esme. _

"_Your wife is getting a little hot under the collar over there," I replied, ignoring his statement for the moment. _

_He glanced in her direction, their eyes meeting and he smirked at her as he answered me. "Rose is always hot under the collar, and everywhere else too for that matter." He wiggled his eyebrows and planted a huge smile on his face as he threw out a massive wave of lust._

"_Seriously, Emmett. I do not need that image in my head to go along with the feelings you two constantly throw out!" I closed my eyes pretending to block that very image from my mind. But it wasn't that image racing through my mind. Faster than humans could even imagine visions of Bella flashed. I saw her in Phoenix, frustrated with her captivity in the hotel room, exhausted with worry and anxiety, and pained as we found her on the floor in the studio. I remembered her wide range of emotions as she described the burn in her hand and the relief that flooded her body as Edward cleaned her system of James' venom._

_Feelings of awe still overcame me as I thought of that day. The control Carlisle had was impressive, but it was all we ever knew of him. Edward was different; he had tasted human blood, had hungered for it, had killed for it. This very fact was the only reason I awed my brother. He stopped before he drained her, not willing to risk her precious life. Although I wasn't willing to risk it either, I knew my family didn't trust me. If they didn't how could I? I never once thought of killing her; in fact I couldn't imagine my life, our family's life, without her. I knew they couldn't either and I felt that every time we were all together. That was why they worried about me so much. They didn't trust me not to hurt her and I couldn't convince them that I was safe. I didn't want to upset them, so I avoided Bella as much as possible._

_That thought of not having her in my life was what drove me above everything else. I wanted to protect Bella; actually, want doesn't begin to describe it. I needed to protect her. But I wasn't the only one with that need._

"_Surprise!" I yelled, my voice joining with the others as Bella and Edward walked into the house._

'_Edward,' I groaned silently as Carlisle and Esme hugged Bella. Almost immediately his head snapped up and his inquisitive eyes met mine. I shook my head. 'It's nothing,' I thought back, trying to ease his mind with calming waves. Immediately I was slammed with overwhelming concern and anxiety from him as he stepped closer to Bella._

_Reading Edward was always so ridiculously easy. He spent so much time relying on his gift of reading minds that he long ago lost the ability to read people. Unknown to him that reliance actually caused some of his problems with Bella. He was so frustrated because he couldn't read her, but she was so open with her emotions and her body language that I had no problems at all. Edward would have been able to read her as well if he'd only let himself focus more on what was in front of him instead of what was blocked to him. _

_The arms wrapped around her waist tightened almost imperceptibly. I knew he was protecting her, almost as if he was protecting the most delectable meal in the world from all potential threats. In his mind, the biggest threat was me. _

_Protection. That is what everything lately boiled down to. I knew, had known, from the moment Alice and I took her to Phoenix that I would do anything to protect Bella. Hell, I had even killed one of my "own" for her and while Carlisle may have felt intense uncertainty and remorse for it, I never would. Edward's constant mode lately was protection as well. Often times, I felt protection radiating from him more than love._

_Shaking my head, I glanced back towards Edward and Bella, not leaving my place against the post. My eyes met hers and I instantaneously felt guilty for avoiding her. I felt her confusion and her sympathy so I smiled at her trying to reassure her. But, it didn't seem to help._

_I had to get over this fear. I wasn't fair to Bella to keep avoiding her when her self-esteem was already low in the first place. But, how did I convince my family that I wasn't a threat to her? Alice never had a vision of me hurting her; yet, she still couldn't, and wouldn't, trust me. Edward was irrational about everything concerning Bella so he didn't trust me either. Carlisle and Esme depended on trusting Alice and Edward more than on anyone else. I didn't exactly have the best track record. Emmett was the only one who seemed to have any faith at all, but Emmett was just lovable by nature. In over one hundred and sixty years, I had never felt so alone._

_Bella began opening her presents, starting with her gift from us. She would hate that we spend money on her, but if she was going to be a member of this family, she would have to get used to it. She tore off that paper and stared at the box before opening it._

"_Um…thanks," she said, almost in the form of a question. The look on her face was priceless and I couldn't help but laugh._

"_It's a stereo for your truck," I replied, answering her unspoken question. "Emmett's installing it right now so you can't return it."_

_I felt her genuine gratitude as she thanked each of us, even yelling a loud thanks to Emmett in the garage. Surprisingly, I also felt a small amount of unworthiness. I infuriated me to realize that in the midst of this room full of love, she still felt like that._

_Alice bounced forward, her usual happy self, so happy to share this day with Bella. She truly loved Bella like a sister and she glowed with anticipation over hers and Edward's gift. I still didn't even know what they had arranged for her. Their constant one way conversations were ever more confusing to the rest of us living here. I heard Edward assure Bella that he didn't spend a dime on her as he brushed hair from her face. Despite all her protests, Bella was positively exuberant and I loved knowing we all had a part to play in that and that for once it wasn't all about Edward. _

_I realized that I truly harbored no harsh feelings against my brother. I just couldn't seem to ever understand what it was that made him behave the way he did with Bella. I couldn't image having the love and devotion of a girl like her and then constantly turn it down with every chance that I got. Maybe I should try to talk to him, man to man, to help him understand exactly how she was feeling. Edward tensed slightly and I automatically knew he 'heard' my plan. Damn mind reading! So, I started to block him as I forged ahead with ideas of how to get him to realize her pain._

_**Pain**__. I felt it immediately and desperately searched the room to find out where it was coming from because it sure as hell wasn't coming from me. My eyes locked on Edward and I knew. The pain was his, his alone, and it was intensely excruciating. I glanced behind him, seeing Bella as she held her finger, the pinprick of blood oozing from the tiny cut. "La Tua Cantate" I screamed in my mind registering the source of his pain. His singer was bleeding mere inches from his mouth. He wanted her, wanted to drain her, now._

_It all happened very quickly then. _

_I reacted, stepping towards him, desperate to keep him away from her. But his pain quickly turned to fury. I realized he could no longer read my mind; the animal in him was taking over too quickly. "No!" he roared, flinging Bella behind him. What the fuck? He thought I was trying to steal her from him. Dammit Edward! I slammed into him with everything I had, trying to shove past him to grab her and rescue her from this moment, snapping my teeth centimeters from him face, my own fear for Bella catapulting back on Edward magnifying his original emotions. _

_Before I could move anywhere else though my back was crushed against Emmett's chest. He was restraining me and all I do was struggle, my mind wild with fear for her, as I watched her arm gush the warm liquid. Edward's desire was mounting and I saw him crouch over her as Emmett and Rosalie pulled me from the room under Carlisle's orders. Bella registered shock and pain and a momentary sense of confusion as Edward crouched over her before she flooded into relief. She actually believed he was protecting her from me. Damn! This was a mess._

"_What the hell is going on with you?" Emmett roared as we reached the garage. His fury radiated off of him like solid daggers. "Are you trying to kill your brother's girlfriend?"_

"_It isn't like that, Em." I was trying to wrap my mind around the entire situation, confusing myself and everyone else in the process._

"_Well then, what __**is**__ it like then, brother?" His hand never left my chest even though I had stopped struggling against him the moment we reached the garage. _

_My mind swirled as I tried to catalogue the details, the emotions. I'd never lost control of my emotions like this before and it was honestly starting to scare even me. I started stuttering. "Her blood…her call…her blood calling…pain…so much pain…I have to get to her." _

_Why couldn't they see what I felt? Why was Edward the saint and I the sinner? I didn't realize the impact my words were having on the people in the room around me until Alice joined us, rage boiling from every pore of her undead body._

"_You have to __**get**__ to her?" She roared. "What? There's so much pain in you right now because of her blood calling to you?" For the first time in our life together, I didn't feel any sympathy, only her anger, her distrust, her disgust, and her hatred. I stumbled backwards trying to steal myself away from her emotions, trying to shut myself down._

"_No, Alice," I whispered, silently begging her to understand._

"_Do not beg me Jasper Cullen Hale! I will not listen to you snivel any longer about how difficult your past is. We have all been to hell Jasper! We're all going there again. Get your head out of your ass and stop acting like you're the only one." She stepped closer towards me, her eyes burning black. "You think you are feeling pain and desire for Bella's blood?" She refused to see me trying to shake my head no. "You have __**no**__ idea what pain is!"_

_Before any of us could react, Alice was gone, running and leaping faster than I have ever seen her go. I slumped to the floor of the garage, disgusted with myself for not being able to protect Bella better than this. "I'm sorry," I whispered to Emmett._

"_Sometime in the future, you will have to explain this day to me, Jas," he answered._

_I nodded. "Just give me some time."_

_I watched Edward guide Bella out to the car, sensing his own anger, disgust, and grief, wishing with everything I had that it was directed at himself, but knowing that Edward would forever blame this day on me. _

_So, I sat. _

_And sat._

_And sat._

_I heard movement around me; crystal clanking, furniture being moved, voices speaking. They were cleaning up the remnants, the proof, of today; they were doing what Cullen's do best, making things disappear. _

_Night fell. Alice hadn't returned yet. I knew I should go to her, but I didn't know if she was calm enough yet. There was no way I'd be able to explain this to her if her emotions were still swirling. _

_Edward returned, his resolved the first thing I felt. "Of fuck," I whispered to myself, knowing immediately what that resolve meant. He was going to leave her. He was going to fucking leave her and he was going to blame the whole thing on me. I had given him his out. He'd never admit to the fact that this whole thing started because of the call Bella's blood had on him. It wasn't as if he had done anything wrong; everyone in this family would understand. But, they wouldn't understand how I could terrorize Bella. That would not be forgiven._

_The pain swirled around me, paralyzing me to this moment. I was going to lose it all…my life, my family, Bella. I was going to lose everything because of Edward's weakness._

_I was so frozen with pain that I didn't even hear her, sense her, or even smell her as she approached me. I knew at that moment I was alone. Her emotions hadn't calmed, if anything they were worse and as she knelt before me I knew why._

_Her red eyes bore into my golden ones. "Is this what you wanted?" She asked, venom dripping from her mouth. "Did you want to taste her, to kill her as I just killed?"_

"_Alice, no!" She couldn't have. But, she did, the proof was in her eyes. _

"_But I did, dear husband," she sneered, growling before continuing. "I did because of you. You did this to me Jasper. You filled me with such desperation and such pain that I couldn't go on without justifying it. I __**KILLED**__ a girl tonight, Jasper."_

_The blood pulsed through her veins, filling her with strength, yet I could still feel her pain. Above everything else I could feel her pain and it was doubled and doubled again as the family joined us._

"_Oh, Alice. No." Esme whispered, gathering her daughter into her arms. _

_Her red eyes haunted me, but not more than the paralyzing pain I felt in the garage. _

"_You need to go, Jasper," Alice whispered, her back to me. "You're no longer welcome here anymore."_

_I glanced around the room, unable to feel anything other than the pain. I didn't know if this was what the others wanted, but I knew they would chose Edward and Alice over me any day of the week._

_So, I fled. I drowned myself in pain, and I fled._

End flashback

The sinister smile on face completed as the vision ended. Pain coursed through me, no longer paralyzing me, but strengthening me. If pain is my gift, I am going to give it willingly tonight.


	3. Chapter 2

**Thank you, thank you, thank you so much to those of you who have taken the time to review! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. **

**I apologize about the delay in an update. My husband and I took our daughter on our first family vacation so I only had my Ipod Touch that I could read and type small reviews on. But, I wrote by hand in the car and typed it tonight. Please enjoy and please review.**

**Please hang with me regarding Jasper. This is about his redemption and in order to be redeemed, he has to hit rock bottom. **

**Also, the reference to Jasper as a God of War is not mine, but one that I love. The friend that Jasper refers to in this chapter during his conversation is IdreamofEddy. Her story **_**Colliding Meteors**_** is almost (sadly and wonderfully) complete. Please check it out if you get a chance!**

**I love reviews, particularly detailed ones. Let me know what you like and what doesn't make sense. **

**Enjoy!**

**PS…I own NOTHING!**

The sun was setting as we landed near Nairobi. In my former life I may have taken the time to admire the changes that had taken place. The once smallish area had virtually become a thriving metropolis for the country. But that did not intrigue me anymore than the beautiful landscape did. Nothing intrigued me.

Nothing except pain.

Get in, get out, no losses for us, total loss for them. Painful losses. This is the mantra I repeated over and over in my head. I did this before every mission and I had yet to fail. Walking across the hangar our private jet was parked in, I turned to glance at the faces behind me. Four sets of red eyes found mine, intently focused, and I knew they were repeating that same mantra. They were the crew I always worked with; my crew, the ones I trained. Amazingly enough though, they had been the ones that brought me in and accepted me when I had no right to be accepted.

The five of us were formidable. If humans were to stumble across us in this empty hangar, they would have been terrified. I could picture how we must look to them: skin as white as snow, terrifying eyes, each of us dressed in black. We were intimidating and it worked to our advantage. I had one rule that I insisted on when I first began this work; I wanted force and strength alone, no powers. I had enough powers to last me a hundreds of lifetimes and they truly weren't needed for what we did. Plus, there was no victory in that.

"Jasper," a strong voice called out behind me. "We've secured the plane and I've checked the vehicles left for us. Everything is ready."

I licked my lips in anticipation and nodded my head in the affirmative. "Let's go then."

Immediately, we filled the cars and pulled away from the airstrip. No words were spoken, none were needed. We each knew our respective jobs; we had trained well. Racing through the twilight, I reviewed my mantra one last time. We would succeed. I had no doubt.

Through the streets of Nairobi our vehicles flew three of us in one car, me and my companion in the other. I knew we would make much more of an impression if we filed through the trees to the house outside of the city but I wasn't looking to make an impression. I was looking for efficiency. Vehicles were more efficient for what we needed today.

I closed my eyes, letting the pain of my detailed memory fill my senses. Alice truly believed me responsible for forcing her to kill. The pain I caused in one afternoon effectively erasing decades of happiness and love. That pain paralyzed her good judgment that afternoon, paralyzed my body onto the floor of the garage, and it would paralyze my intended victims tonight.

Unexpectedly, my cell phone vibrated in the pocket of my jeans. "What?" I growled angrily into the phone. I did not like to be disturbed during missions and everyone knew that.

"Jasper," the voice spoke urgently, almost apologetically, "There has been a shift in the original plan."

"I don't do shifts, Peter. You know that."

"I know, I know. But this was unforeseen. The family has visitors."

"What does that have to do with me? We've had visitors before. Unfortunately for them, they suffer the same fate. Some people should just learn to make better friends."

'Damn,' I heard muttered from the other side of the phone and I knew that my callous attitude affected him. But I didn't care. I felt nothing for any of these people and it would not stop me from achieving my goal.

"This is different, Jasper."

I tensed slightly. Something was off. "Different how?"

"He does not want them harmed. In fact, he does not want them touched at all."

"Well that's just fucking great!" I seethed. "We are around the corner from the house and he wants to throw this in now? What the hell does he want…happiness and bunnies? Is the whole mission being thrown out because of these visitors?"

"No. He still wants it done, and tonight. You've just been instructed to leave the visitors alone."

I tried my hardest not to squeeze the phone into a million pieces. "Peter, a friend of yours informed me that you often call me a God of War. Does letting someone go because they happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time seem like something a true God of War would do?"

Silence met me on the other end of the line before I heard a long sigh. "You heard about that, huh? Fine. Yes, you are a God of War, but being a God of War is not the same thing as being a cold-hearted bastard, Jasper, and you know it. Look, I know you got screwed over years ago when you left the Cullens," he continued.

"Don't say their name," I growled, cutting him off.

"Fine," he replied, clearly frustrated. I didn't have to feel his emotions to know he was frustrated with me. "You were screwed over by _them_ and you left. True they forced you out, but you left. You came to us. You shut down your emotions along with feeling any other emotions because it worked for you, and in all honesty, it worked for us. But you need to understand something, so get your head out of your ass and make sure you are listening!"

My silence must have encouraged him to continue. "You are standing on the edge, Jasper. And, if you don't back away from it, you're going to go so far over nothing will be able to pull you back."

"What the hell does this have to do with the mission, Peter?" I asked my voice as cold as my stone heart.

"Absolutely nothing, man. This is not from Peter your comrade in war, but Peter the man whose life you saved. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit back and watch you throw the rest of your existence away."

"You're already damned you idiot!"

"True, but why be damned twice?" If I was in front of him I swear that I would throttle his sarcastic ass. Maybe I would when we got back.

Once again, silence filled our conversation and I knew his advice, thankfully, was over.

"So what is so special about these visitors that he wants them left alone?"

"It's a personal favor to an old friend." I could hear the hesitation in his voice and could feel the haze of pain start to slip from around my mind. I needed it if this was going to be successful.

"What the hell aren't you telling me? Whatever it is, I need to know and I need to know now. There is too much at stake for this to not be a success and I'll be damned if I'm going to be blindsided when I go inside. This is why we use recon before a mission. You know…R-E-C-O-N you idiot!" I was screaming into the phone and my companion was glancing at me warily. I didn't even care enough to try and reassure him things would be okay because they wouldn't. Nothing ever would except winning these small battles.

"Damnit, Peter!" I snarled.

"Fine, but you asked. And don't forget that you still have a mission to complete and he wants it done correctly."

"Stop stalling," I warned, wanting, no needing, to get on with my night.

"It's Emmett and Rosalie Cullen, Jasper."

My mind shut down. Total silence, total darkness, absolute nothing.

"Fuck me," I whispered.

"Not now, but thanks," I heard Peter joke from the other end of the phone. Yep, he was definitely getting his ass kicked when this was over. "Seriously, Jasper, speak up now if you can't do this correctly."

I shook my head, forcing out anything else that tried to stay in other than the pain that I needed.

I knew I would face some of them again one day, I just never expected it would be tonight. But of course, it made sense. Aro didn't do personal favors for anyone except Carlisle. I worked for Aro, it was as simple as that. Simple; I liked simple and it worked for me. I could do this.

"No, Peter, it won't be a problem. We are about control and I can control this. Just because they never believed I could control anything doesn't mean I can't. I'll call when it is finished."

Immediately I hung the phone up and focused on the task ahead. Control was about denial and the trick to denial was to indulging. So, I once again indulged in the only thing I would allow myself to indulge in. The memory of the pain I inflicted on my family. So great was that pain, for them, for me, for Bella that it paralyzed me everything else allowing me to focus on the task at hand.

The doors of the vehicles opened simultaneously as Dimitri, Felix, William, Caleb, Wyatt and I stepped out of the cars.

"Each of you knows your role tonight, correct?" I asked a harsh edge to my voice.

Their heads nodded in affirmation before I continued. "Two more have joined the ranks tonight. You need to know they will recognize me almost immediately and they are to remain unharmed." Unnecessary breaths were gasped in around our small group. Immediately I continued. "These are Aro's orders, not mine. Each of you knows parts of my past these two are included in it. I have no cares about what happens with them, but I will follow Aro's request, just as you will follow mine."

I knew there would be no issues. The four here respected me as I respected them, as much as was possible for me.

Together we took off, running the last mile. Too many times over the past years we faced the same situations together. I thought I had been finished with this lifestyle when I left Maria's but my time with Alice and the Cullens was simply not my reality. This was what I had been created for. First my skills were used by Maria against my will. Now, they were used by Aro by my choice.

We reached the door to the house quickly and before anyone inside could react we had it open and positioned ourselves in the entry way and living area with Dimitri and William heading up the stairs.

One of the older men, whom I could only assume was the leader of the family, quickly approached me. "To what do we owe this intrusion?"

"My name is Jasper, and I represent Aro of Volterra. You know why we are here."

Gasps filled the room along with cries of mercy and identification of the enforcement crew of the Volturri. But the recognition that intrigued me the most was among the group being led down the stairs by William. Our eyes locked. Emmett. "Brother," I heard him say as his feet found the bottom landing.

"Emmett, Rosalie," I acknowledged each of them, my voice laced with indifference. "Leave now. You have no place here and you want no part of this."

Shock registered across their faces as I turned my back to them and faced the older one once more as he continued to beg and plead. "Silence," I roared. "Your cries have no place here."

Pain contorted his face and I knew my power was beginning to show. "Will you not even listen then?"

"It is not my place to listen." Dimitri completed the group coming down the stairs. His head nodded to me indicating everyone was now on the lower level with us. It was time.

"Jasper, no!" I heard Rosalie behind me, her voice laced with an odd mixture of pain, disappointment, and confusion. "Why are you doing this?" The pain and disappointment laced in her voice strengthened my resolve. Instead of making this more difficult, she was making it easier.

"Rosalie, leave." I ordered.

"No."

"Emmett get her out of here," I continued, still not looking at either one of them.

"Come with us," he practically whispered.

"You didn't want me before. You don't really want me now."

My men were not oblivious to this side conversation nor were they oblivious to the fact that this was totally uncharacteristic for me.

"That wasn't the decision of all of us," he pressed, but I had to keep him from continuing.

"But, you didn't stop it!" I roared. The pain exploded from me like a cannon, finding all in the room. Immediately, I pulled back focusing the emotion on the intended. My men grimaced smiles in relief. I knew they had felt that, a first for most of them. Control had long become my way of life before Aro sent me on his behalf and they had never felt the true power of a pissed off empath.

I surveyed the room as William and Dimitri finished ushering the family into the living room. There were seven of them in total of which my men and I quickly surrounded. Pain contorted their faces as they felt the intensity of my power. It was easy to determine the mother and father in this group, their own pain mixing with mine at the realization their children would not live past tonight. The couples clung to each other trying to calm each other above the pain.

Emmett and Rosalie stood behind me, their pain not caused by my power but by my actions. To the left, one of the younger vampires tried to escape but did not get far before Caleb had him in his grasp. Each set of red eyes looked to me, waiting for the order. They knew who to take out first, the kill order, but they also knew not to react without my orders. I arranged, I orchestrated, I commanded, but I never killed. This was my deal with Aro. So, they waited.

But, I hesitated but a moment longer than I normally would have and it threw my crew. They were unsure what to expect. Emmett must have sensed it as well because he used that opportunity to call out to me. "Look at them, Jas. They are a family."

In that instant I knew why I had been warned before this mission. This is what I had known. This had been my life. Before the pain I caused, this could have been us.

Emmett pushed further. "They are us, Jas."

I felt my control begin to slip and I had to act. "Do it!" I instructed my men as I turned to face my former brother and sister. If possible, I know there would have been tears in Rosalie's eyes as she mourned, not for the family in this room, but for me. Coldly, I stared into Emmett's eyes, the sound of ripping metal and horrific screams filling the space around us. "They are not us, _brother_. There is no us and if you truly think about it, there never was."

With that, I walked out of the house into the night air. The gas cans were laid out in the driveway and I had them in my hands for my crew as Felix and Caleb came out for them. As planned, none were injured. It was all in the planning. If you knew who to take out first, there would be no fight left from the weaker ones and once again my strategy worked. Dimitri carried the matches in his pocket, ready for this moment and Felix pulled Rosalie and Emmett outside as the blaze started.

"Head back to the cars," I ordered them, knowing they would obey and wait for me without being asked.

I watched as my success went up in flames and I heard Emmett come stand beside me. He never was able to be stealthy. "Do you even know their supposed crime, Jasper?"

I turned once again to face him, feeling the pain bubble underneath my surface. "It does not matter, Emmett. It was made clear to me that pain is the only thing I cause, the only thing I'm good at. Maria created me for it, Alice confirmed it, so it is what I do."

"What if they are wrong? What if you are wrong?" Rosalie whispered, standing beside him, placing her palm on my face like she had so many times in the past.

"They're not," I answered, leaving in an instant and running with everything I had to rejoin my men. The others were in their car and Dimitri stood outside of ours.

"A success once again, yes?" He asked.

I nodded, forcing the pain down to my core, swallowing it until it was needed again. Dimitri would not comment on my hesitation during our mission, nor would he comment on my obvious disdain at Emmett and Rosalie's presence.

"Let's go," I replied, slipping behind the driver's seat, my window rolled down.

"Yes," he echoed. "Let's go home."

As we pulled out, I heard an agonized scream tear through the night as my name was screamed along with a plea to come back and an apology. I knew in that instant that Volterra was not my home any more than life with the Cullens or Maria was.

I had no home. I was alone.


	4. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews. **

**I'm unsure of this chapter, so as always, please let me know what you think!**

**Enjoy…**

Stepping out of the hot shower, I sensed his presence in my adjoining bedroom before I even opened the door. I had no idea what he could possibly want, and I honestly didn't care. I needed to hunt and I wanted to return before the gathering crowds outside became too large. I hated crowds these days, preferring instead to lose myself in solitude and strategic warfare. Frustrated, I slipped on my pants and threw on my shirt, not even taking the time to button it.

"Aro" I acknowledged as I entered my chamber.

He watched me with an amused expression plastered across his face. "Showering before you hunt, Jasper?"

"I wanted to ensure the previous encounter was completely washed away before I continued my evening."

He nodded his head in understanding. "Ah, young Jasper. It is okay to mourn the loss of your family, particularly after seeing two of them last night."

"I have nothing to mourn." I knew he hated the cold tone to my voice, but I didn't care. I just wanted to leave.

"But you do, Jasper, you surely do." Trying to end the conversation, I turned my back on him and I heard him sigh in frustration. "I do offer my humble apologies for your two visitors."

"There's no need, Aro. The mission was completed."

"Yes, it was. And, I trust it was not too hard for you."

"No." My answer was cold and harsh but I did not feel sorry for it. Hell, I didn't feel period and Aro knew that.

"Do you not realize that you are losing a little more of yourself everyday?"

"Aro," I turned to face him, my eyes dark and cold. "Are you unhappy with my work here?"

"No."

"Then what the hell do you want from me?" Although I may not have felt it, I knew he could see the frustration in my body. I just wanted to hunt and return to the seclusion of my room.

"Watch out, Jasper. You might actually feel that frustration painted all over you."

I growled at him as he responded by laughing at me.

"Go hunt, Jasper. Come to my chamber when you are in a better mood."

"My mood doesn't change."

"I know, my son. I know." He whispered quietly as he left my room.

Without a second thought, I turned to my window and leapt forcefully from the room needing to escape the suffocation thrust upon me from the moment I returned to Volterra. Landing amidst the people on the ground I immediately started running before they could even sense my presence.

And so I began my hunt. Racing across the terrain, I lost myself to the predator within searching for my next kill, aching to trade their life's blood for my own. I closed my eyes when the scent I desired finally hit me. Without hesitation I sought it, smiling as I realized the large number before me; it was unusual for so many to be together in this isolated place, but I was going to take advantage of it. Swiftly I snapped twelve necks before a sense of urgency could weave among the group causing panic and fleeing. Classic fight or flight. I knew the moment that sense reached them because a stampede of sorts began as the others raced to save themselves from the unknown threat.

With the ensuing silence that followed the stampede, I feasted. I drowned myself in the blood laid at my feet, relishing in the smooth richness as it coated my throat and surged strength through my body. This is what I needed today. I needed to lose myself in this moment, swallowing any potential emotion that even thought of forcing itself through my barrier as I swallowed the blood.

An hour later I wandered into Aro's chamber, clean, sated, and once again devoid of any emotions which was exactly the way I preferred to feel.

"Jasper, come in," Aro called sensing my presence. I stepped through the ornate door and noticed the relief that flooded his eyes. He was worried about me.

"Aro," I acknowledged, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind me. I knew others outside of Volterra, and even inside, had their own opinions of Aro, not all good ones. However, I also knew that he cared for me, the way Carlisle cared about his family, and I knew that he would do anything for me.

He sniffed the air around him before opening his eyes and staring into mine. "Really, Jasper. Again?" You know we do have better delicacies around here than that."

I smiled as I sat, my golden eyes swimming hi his laughter. 'The native Tuscany wild boars are a favorite of mine. Don't knock it until you try it."

His ancient melodic laughter filled the room. "I don't think I'll be trying it anytime soon, Jasper. It's bad enough that the leader of my enforcement squad struts around with golden eyes; I don't think it would be well received it if I did as well."

"You know my stand on the subject."

He nodded in acknowledgement. "I do. You have been nothing but honest regarding your intentions on the subject."

"I won't kill for you, Aro, whether the life is human or vampire." This had been a part of my initial conversation when I first came to Volterra.

"Yet, you blur the line every time you plan one of your masterpiece missions."

"Yes, I may blur the line as you say; but, I will not physically end a life." This was a decision I held fast to, one that I made the moment I left, was forced from, my former life. True killing required sensory enjoyment; I did not kill for enjoyment but for sustenance.

"When did you indulge last though?"

I looked at him warily. Normally, Aro did not pay much attention to, or even seem to care about, my feeding habits. "Before we left for Africa," I answered.

"Are you in total control then?" I knew he was referring to my emotions as well as my hunger and I knew in that instant he had another mission for me.

"Where?" I asked as he smiled at my perceptiveness. The venom and stolen blood surged through my veins mimicking the heightened pulse a human would feel anticipating something and I found myself momentarily thinking of Bella. Her heart was as telling as the rest of her expressions, always racing in the anticipation of being near my idiotic brother as he attempted to appease her longings. Edward had been foolish enough to think he could placate her forever with minor touches and chaste kisses.

"Ah, my gifted one," Aro broke through my thoughts.

"I'm not gifted." I glared at him. And I wasn't, having learned to control the gift. I had enough of giftedness: mind-reading that stole your thoughts and didn't even work when you screamed at the person in your own mind, future-telling that offered no help in a moment that required more help than ever before, and empathy that paralyzed you. Stupid gifts.

"I was referring to your intuition that I had somewhere new for you to travel."

"So again, I ask where?"

Aro watched me closely, and I had to wonder what he needed done that he would be so wary of me. "Back to your roots, my son."

"No."

"Jasper, I need you to go to Texas."

"Maria." It was simple. There was only one reason he would need someone in Texas, and she would be the only thing he would be cautious of me being involved with.

"Yes, she has become quite troublesome. But, I'm not ready for her to be destroyed yet."

"Then why me? Surely you don't intend for me to try and work with her again to provide you with information."

"Of course not. Plus, she would never accept you back now. Your affiliation with the Volturri, in just these few years, has become quite legendary. No, Jasper, I need someone I can trust to go to Houston and monitor the situation. There is more than your creator at work down there. My reports have been sketchy but it seems we may have some interference from someone other than us. I need you to give me an honest assessment."

"Of course. I'll leave tonight."

"Excellent, Dimitri has all of the information you need. All of the arrangements have been made."

"Is he going with me?"

"No, I need him here. There will be another contact in Houston when you arrive." I turned to leave needing to pack a few necessities

"Oh, and Jasper. Start your search with nightclubs. Our information indicates she has been recruiting there."

Twenty-four hours later, I was sitting in my second night club of the evening. Typically, I hated clubs, but this one was different. Country music filtered through the air, strains of songs that I had not heard in years. For once, there was no bumping and grinding, just the flow of couples gliding around the floor. I knew Maria would be here. Despite the fact that Maria always enjoyed clubs like this, there was something undeniably strong about the men and women typically in places like this.

I scanned the room constantly, looking for anything out of the ordinary. There were several vampires in the club, but that was not necessarily anything unusual. So, I waited. Sitting in the corner, watching everything going on reminded me once again reminded of why I was glad to have learned to control my emotional gift. Typically, the lust and longing would filter past me, fogging my own mind, and filling my senses. Not tonight though, I would not lose myself among the crowd and my feelings tonight.

I watched the group of young vampires begin circling a small corner of the room. They were not exactly newborns, but they were still extremely young. I did not want any sort of problems tonight. First and foremost, I did not want to expose my position. Maria would sense my presence before long and I wanted at least a few days to observe what exactly was going on. But, there were also too many people in this room and it would be way too easy to draw attention to our world. People in Texas were not like those in Volterra; they would not so easily dismiss the unusual they saw around them.

As I reached closer though, several scents hit me all at once. I smelled their venom; they were ready to capture their prey but several of them were bordering being out of control. I smirked at how careless Maria was being to send such young vampires into a place like this. Obviously she had never found anyone to replace the strategic planning I offered her. I also smelled the humans around them, searching for the one they were hunting, scanning the area and planning my escape if need be. That is when it hit me.

It was freesia, lavender, and a hint of jasmine, the one combination that could belong to no one but her.

It was Bella. I saw her as she saw them, her body tensing as she recognized them for what they were.

I was fucked. It was bad enough to watch this group of young vampires hunt nameless humans in a crowded area, but to think of them hunting her…I shut myself off, preparing for the exit strategy that would take me and her out of here.

And then they moved. The door in the back corner opened and closed in a flash, separating the rest in the club from the world of night. Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I found the nearest window and stole through it towards the back alley.

Bella was standing in the middle of the three vampires, her eyes constantly scanning the area as they circled around her. I sucked in a non-needed breath, tasting the charged air around me. There would be a fight tonight, a fight that I did not want to participate in. But, there was a part of me that couldn't stand by and watch her life end. I prepared to step in as her voice hit me.

"I've told you boys before to stay away from here," she admonished, her hand resting on her back hip, fingers inching towards her back pocket.

"Now, come on Miss Bella," one of the older ones replied. "You don't need to be like this."

"How many messages do I need to send back to that leader of yours? She is not welcome in this town, you are not welcome here. How many rules does she need to break before she unleashes the hell of the Volturri on all of you?"

I was stunned. Not only was Bella quickly approaching a fighting stance with these vampires, but this was clearly a situation in which she was completely comfortable. And, fuck me, she knew about the Volturri. I knew the family had never really discussed the group with Bella and I doubted Edward had told her about the realties of the ancient group as well.

"They haven't shown up yet," A sneering voice brought me back to the reality of the moment.

"It's only a matter of time. Really, John. I would have though you were smarter than this. Isn't that why she chose you? I realize that she may not have told you everything they are capable of, but I sure as hell have. Now leave!" She ordered.

I was stunned. There was no way this was real. She was human still; there was no doubt about this. But, there was an air of maturity and strength that she steeled herself with. This was not the teenage child I had last seen in Forks.

And, then it started. One of the younger, less controlled of the group lunged at her. It was three to one, but it was not a fair fight. A battle between three vampires and one human could only have one outcome and it would not be good for Bella. But, I could not move. Something grounded me as I watched her grasp the object she had hidden in her back pocket, swinging it in front of her in one swift motion, the object growing in length. Before it was over, I realized Bella had spun around, swinging the now obvious blade with her in the turn, effectively decapitating the monster.

Silence filled the alley as she turned to face the other two with her. "Now, John. It doesn't have to keep turning out like this. Stay out of my town. Tell Maria to stop drawing attention to yourselves. Make no mistake. I know Aro, he will not stay out of this much longer." Her blade glinted menacingly in the night, the city lights reflecting off of it.

He growled at her then, glancing at the ground towards his companion. I noticed then that they body was not searching for its head like it should have been. None of this made sense. As he took a step towards her, I noticed her hand tighten imperceptibly on the handle of the mysterious blade.

"We'll leave for tonight, Miss Bella. But, make no mistake. We will return and eventually we will find a way to stop you."

"No, you won't. Take this piece of crap with you and dispose of the body. You do still remember how to do that, right? It's not like there's more than one for you to deal with again tonight," she replied stepping away from him as he and his other companion grabbed the body and disappeared into the night.

I couldn't believe it. In a way that made no sense to me, Bella had just announced the death of the already dead vampire in front of her. She possessed authority and strength and she took them on. In that moment, she was probably the hottest thing I had ever seen. And then, she turned to me.

Slowly, ever so painstakingly slow, she walked towards me her dark hair flowing long behind her and my eyes drank her in. Just because I refused to feel anything did not mean I couldn't appreciate the sight in front of me.

"Jasper," she whispered, staring into my eyes. I watched confusion flood through hers as she gazed into mine and for some reason, I knew she was expecting to see red ones looking back at her.

"Bella," I called, her name a whisper on my lips.

"Go back to Italy, Jasper," she ordered, surprising me. "You aren't needed here."

With that, she pressed the blade back into a small unit and into her pocket as she walked back into club.

Oh, hell no. There is no way I was leaving now! I have orders to follow and I will follow them. Watch, observe, report back. Simple. That is all I will do, but I will not leave.


	5. Chapter 4

**Authors Note:**

**I am humbled by the reviews being left and am so glad you are all enjoying the story. I love knowing what you love and don't love about each chapter so please don't hesitate to let me know. **

**I own nothing relating to Stephanie Meyer's original characters. She is the mastermind behind them and I just borrow them for my own amusement. **

**Chapter 4**

Watching Bella walk away was not an option. One way or another I had to get to the bottom of whatever she was up to. Somehow she was involved in this thing that Maria had going on down here; but none of what I just saw made sense. There is only one way to ensure the death of a vampire and that is to burn the pieces. After everything that happened with James, Bella knows this; yet, she just walks away as if it is not necessary.

Aro sent me here to find out answers and I intend to do just that. I don't know who the hell she thinks she is but she certainly has no idea who she is dealing with.

Storming into the club I used my senses to immediately find her. For the first time in years I acted without a well thought out plan and before she could even protest I had her in my arms and on the dance floor. I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her towards me. I was floored by the feeling of her warmth as it burned into me and her wonderful fragrance that swirled around me as I faintly heard the strains of Brad Paisley's, _She's Everything_. In my former life this might have been as close to perfect as it could get. But, this wasn't more former life, and perfection didn't exist. Answers did though, and Bella had them.

Before I could ask her though, fire flashed through her eyes as she moved with me on the dance floor. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I couldn't seem to resist the half smile as it formed on my lips. "The last I heard it was called dancing, Darlin'."

"Smart ass," she replied, fighting a smirk of her own.

Moments passed and words never passed our lips, but our bodies spoke volumes as we glided across the floor. This was not the girl we left in Forks years ago. She had matured, her body had matured, but more than that she looked older. Her eyes spoke volumes to me now but they also betrayed the fact that she was tired. "I thought you didn't dance, Bella," I whispered, my mouth close to her ear as our bodies moved to the music. I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled the scent wafting from her soft neck.

"There's a lot about me you don't know."

"I can see that there is."

She sighed and I could see she was fighting an internal battle of some kind. I fought the urge to taste the air around me and sense the emotions from her that were calling to me so desperately but I refused. I was no longer the same man she knew years ago; I was stronger and I would be damned if this slip of a human was going to make me forget that.

"Why are you here, Jasper?" I pushed her away from me as she twirled under my arm before pressing against my chest again.

"That's not something you need to know." I knew my voice was rougher than it needed to be but I didn't care.

"Oh no you don't," she practically ordered struggling to storm away from me, but I held her close to me as the music shifted again. I pulled her even closer as our feet moved faster to match the tempo of the new music.

"No I don't what?" Again, I smirked. She was royally pissed off and every ounce of her body language spoke that to me.

"You bastard," she sneered. You only brought me out to the dance floor because you knew that would limit the type of conversation we would have." She glared at me. "You're no better than that brother of yours."

I crushed her against my chest at that; tempted to indulge in that little emotion, wondering for a moment how she would respond when the sense of pain hit her. "Do. Not. Ever. Compare. Me. To. Edward." Immediately I felt her body recoil at the harshness of my words, but I pushed forward. "I may be cold, Bella. I may be controlling when it suits me. But, I am more of a man than he could ever imagine being."

Surprising me, she smirked, holding back a laugh. "I think somebody has brother issues. I guess that's better than Daddy issues." Humor danced in her eyes and she looked deep into mine.

"Bella," I growled warning her to stop, yet not wanting her to all at the same time. I shook my head, trying to get focused back on the task at hand. "You owe me some answers."

The laughter stopped the fire reigning in her eyes dousing it. "You don't deserve answers, Jasper."

"Who are you to tell me what I don't deserve?"

"And who are you to demand that I owe you anything." Damn, she was feisty and she wasn't afraid of turning everything I dished out to her right back on me. I was about to respond to her, prepared to force the answers from her that I needed but her next words cut me to the core where I stored every memory of that night. "You left. You left and didn't look back. I've been to hell and back and I don't owe you jack."

Before I could even respond, she slipped out of my arms, off the floor, and rushed out of the club. I hesitated just a moment before following her, knowing I wouldn't be able to catch her, not since I had to move at a human's speed. Sure enough, by the time I reached the night air, she was gone. I closed my eyes, quickly finding her scent in the humid, Houston air, inhaling deeply as I found it. In an instant, I knew I could have found her, but I also knew I wouldn't tonight. There were too many things floating through my mind and I needed to sort them out. I had no doubt I would run into Bella again

Whipping out my cell, I decided to check in. "Peter?"

"Oh look, wonderboy finally decides to call."

"Fuck you, Peter. I need to talk to Aro." I growled into the phone.

"No can do my friend. You know Aro doesn't do cellphones."

"He does when he needs to."

"It doesn't matter anyway. He's not here." I hissed through the phone, but Peter just ignored me. "Stop being a brat, Jasper. Fill me in and I'll pass it on when he gets home."

I hesitated and I didn't know why. The moment I mentioned Bella, I knew what Caius' answer would be. A human knew about our existence and the only answer to that would be to destroy her. I may be a heartless sonofabitch, but I could not do that, not to her. I knew I could not lie, but I would not bring in Bella unless I absolutely had to. "I'm just now getting a sense of everything Peter. I have found Maria though."

I heard something snap in background. Seconds passed before he replied. "Charlotte wants to know if you've killed the bitch yet."

I smiled in spite of myself. Peter and Charlotte had almost as much hatred for her as I did. "Tell her not yet, but I will," 'especially if she hurts Bella' I thought to myself, immediately wondering where that thought came from. "I'm planning to try and track her tonight and see if I can get a lead on where she is holing up."

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Peter."

"Don't let her get away. Not this time."

"We don't even know what we're dealing with. Aro sent me here to investigate, not start a war. I will not move against her without his orders."

"But if the time comes?"

"If the time comes, I'll kill her twice, once for me and once for you."

"Thank you. You may not be too far gone yet"

"Shut the hell up, Peter. Tell Aro to call me." I slammed the phone shut pressing it into my forehead. I wasn't sure why they all kept bringing this up, both he and Aro. I knew I was different now, but I was stronger; the bloodlust the Cullen's hated so much no longer controlled me. I controlled it and I couldn't understand why they thought this was such a bad thing.

Sure, I sacrificed a part of myself for that control, but it wasn't as if I was missing anything. So I didn't feel anything, so what; it wasn't as if I needed to. Besides, look where all of those feelings got me before. The last time I let myself feel anything I got accused of trying to kill _his_ girlfriend which ended up in me effectively being kicked out of my family. Nope. Not again. Finding my resolution further intact, I turned to walk in the opposite direction from Bella's scent. I had no reason to feel anything.

I focused on my target. Maria was here somewhere; I just had to find out where. I wanted the upper hand. I wanted the element of surprise and I did not want her to know I was here. So, I stayed close to the shadows and stalked through the city. I found myself thinking about the Houston I once knew. This place was now just another huge city that housed millions of lonely people who were hiding. I remembered very little of my human life but I remembered how much I loved this costal area of Texas. It was one reason I felt the call to sign up early for the war; I wanted to protect that which I loved so dearly.

A sound pulled me from my thoughts and I stopped moving. Something was not right. I was not alone. I scanned the area with my eyes, my ears, searching for the missing presence. Suddenly he stepped from the shadows to my left and I crouched in defense.

"Well, I'll be. I can't believe my eyes." The young man spoke as he stepped closer to me, the streetlight flooding his face."

"Do I know you?" I asked, scanning my memories and trying to find his face among them.

"I would certainly think so." A crooked grin spread across his face, highlighting the dimples on his cheeks. His brown hair cropped short looked just as boyish as the rest of him. "You taught me everything that I know…twice."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm not surprised you don't remember me Major. But I remember you. I surely do." He closed the distance between us, the scents around him startling me, and stuck his hand out. "Let me introduce myself. I'm Wade Mitchell."

"Corporal Mitchell?" I asked incredulous. It had been at least a hundred years since I had seen him. I refused to take his hand. "I'm sure if you'll understand."

"Yes, sir. I understand sir. We didn't exactly leave things on the best of terms did we?"

"No, Corporal, we didn't." My eyes darkened as I stared into his golden ones. I was surprised.

He stepped away from me, his hands up by his shoulders in a defensive stance. "I'm not here to cause any problems, Major."

"It's Jasper." I corrected. I wasn't Major anymore and hadn't been since I last saw him.

"Okay, Jasper. You have to know you'll always be major to me though."

"What do you want Corporal?"

"Wade."

"What?"

"It's Wade. If you're Jasper, I'm Wade."

I let out a harsh sigh. "Fine Wade, why are you here?"

"For the same reason you are here I'm sure."

I knew Aro didn't know who he was or I would have already met him by now. But his answer intrigued me. There was only one connection in this life that I was aware we had. "And why am I here?"

"I don't know for sure but I'm going to take a guess that it has something to be with the bitch that created us."

"Maria." I answered. Something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something about Wade didn't match up. "The last I remember you were singing her praises."

"A lot changes in a hundred years, Jasper. You should know that."

"Yes it does but not that."

"Look in my eyes, Jasper. I'm not the same now as I was then. Hell, look around. This place isn't the same, nothing is. I know what you are doing here. You're the one who taught it to me."

"I'm not doing anything Wade; I'm just out for a walk." I didn't trust him; I didn't know enough about the person in front of me to trust him.

"You're scouting, Jasper. You were the best when you taught me before the Battle of Sabine Pass and you were still the best when you taught me for Maria; now you're using many of the same techniques. You are looking for her and I want to help"

"I don't need any help."

"I know you don't. Major Solitary."

I smirked as I heard my former nickname. It was the reason I was such a good scout during The War; I didn't need anyone's help. I could do it on my own. "Then leave." I ordered turning to continue walking down the street.

"I can't." He followed in step with me. "I want that bitch as much as you do."

"I'm not planning to do anything accept learn as much as I can."

"But you will; you'll gather your information and return with your enforcement crew."

"How the hell do you know about that?"

"Oh please," he scoffed. "Everyone has heard about the infamous cold hearted Jasper. Very few know the story of how you came to be such a heartless bastard, but your work is quite renowned."

This was not what I expected and it wasn't good. If he knew about me than that meant Maria probably did too. "Damn."

As if reading my mind he confirmed it. "She knows about you, who you are now and what you do. But, she doesn't know you are here yet."

"And you know this because?"

"I have a source. She is one of the best and she gets me anything I need."

Then it hit me, the sense of caution I had with him, the scent that surrounded him. It was more jasmine than freesia, but it was unmistakable. "Bella," I whispered.

Shock flickered in his eyes but I had to hand it to him, he held it in well. I did not. Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, I slammed him against the wall with such force that small pieces of brick crumbled around us. "Leave her the fuck out of this."

He swallowed and I knew the venom was rising as he fought back the urge to resist me. "Can't man. She's as involved in this as the rest of us."

My mind was reeling. How did he know her? How was she involved in this? How in the hell had the rest of the family let her get this involved? Surely Alice had seen this. Surely Edward hadn't been able to convince everyone to completely abandon her forever.

I pressed him further into the wall. "You are going to give me some fucking answers."

"I will not tell you her story. It is hers and hers alone."

"How long have you been in Houston?"

"Two months."

"When did you leave Maria?"

"Five years after you. Right about the time you were meeting Alice."

I swallowed the venom pulled in my mouth, my jaw clenched tight. "How do you know about Alice?"

"Bella." It was a simple answer, an answer I should have respected. But I didn't. I wanted, no needed more.

"That's personal information that has nothing to do with her being a source. How do you know it?"

"I know plenty of personal information about Bella, Jasper."

I wanted to crush him, to tear him into a million pieces and scatter them around the globe. But I didn't know why. This shouldn't bother me. I had a job to do and he could probably help me get the information I needed. But I couldn't seem to release him.

"Jasper."

I heard the voice behind me and at once I knew it was hers.

"Let him go Jasper," she ordered, placing her warm hand on my back.

"Go home, Bella," I yelled at the same time Wade did. Our eyes met. Who did he think he was ordering her around?

"No. I'm not a child and I will not leave just so the two of you can fight over me like some toy prize. Now, let go."

I growled in frustration and stepped away from Wade, turning to glare at her. The soft yellow from the streetlight behind her made it appear as if she were glowing. I looked at her, really looked at her for the first time that night. Her black boots brought out a different side to Bella than I had ever seen. Dark denim women's Wranglers graced her legs fitting like a second skin against her. The buckle secured to the black leather belt made me smile; it was typical Bella – beautiful but simple. A black short sleeved western shirt was tucked in and made her pale skin even more translucent on her arms. Her dark hair flowed behind her, damp around the edges of her neck from the humidity. She was breathtaking.

"Are you done ogling me?" She asked pretending to be angry. But I could see the hint of a smile grace her lips and I had not been oblivious to her sweeping over me as well. She liked what she saw as much as I did and it scared the hell out of me. I backed away shutting down.

"Don't get in my way Bella. You know nothing about me and you have no clue how dangerous Maria is." I warned with a growl. I heard Wade stifle his laughter behind me.

"Don't you growl at me Jasper Hale-Cullen-Whitlock-Thompson-Groce." I was momentarily stunned. No one knew those last two names, not Alice, not Maria, no one. "That's right," she continued. "I know everything there is to know about you Jasper. I know everything you did with Maria, everything you did for Maria. I know about your life before she changed you. Hell, I probably know about your human life than you know."

"Don't piss her off, Major. She's righteous when she's angry." Wade clapped his hand on my shoulder as he passed me, standing by Bella, draping his arm over her shoulders and drawing her close to him. I growled. He needs to keep his fucking hands to himself if he wants to keep them at all.

'Sexy when she's angry is more like it', I thought but I immediately forced that thought from my mind. Too much was going on tonight; too many unknown variables were in front of me. I needed to pull back and regroup.

"Jasper," she continued. "I will give you all the answers you want but not tonight. We don't have much time left and if you want to understand what is going on we need to leave now."

I glanced beside her towards Wade.

She followed my eyes, knowing I had trust issues with the man beside her. "Do you trust me, Jasper?" she asked, her hand outstretched. I had no reason to trust her; I didn't know her any more than she knew me. But for some reason I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that if there was one person left in this world I could trust completely it would be her.

I reached out and grabbed her warm hand in mind, the physical contact between the two of us strikingly different than anything else I had ever known before. "Yes, Bella. I do."

"Then don't worry about Wade or anything else. Come with me. I promise I will never hurt you."

As she stared deep into my eyes I knew she wouldn't. I also knew it was already becoming harder and harder to shut down on her and I had to. There was no way I would ever let her feel that one and only one emotion I felt. And nothing else existed for me anymore except that. I would not expose her to that, to me. I would finish this job and I would leave.

**Please leave a review letting me know what you like or don't like!**

**Thanks for reading.**


	6. Chapter 5

**I am humbled and awed at the response you all have given me. So, thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read.**

**I apologize about the delay in posting. I am a doctoral student, an educator, a wife, and a mother and I have had an insane week. I was almost going to wait a few more days to even sit down to write, but I received inspiration from Chel88 last night. **

**As always, I appreciate any review you feel inclined to leave. And, I still own nothing; I just borrow the characters and bend them to my own will!**

**Chapter 5**

I kept Bella's hand in mine, planning to remove it any time, wondering when she would. I had no idea where she was taking me, and I wasn't sure why, but I knew that I trusted her.

"We can't walk all the way there, Jasper and we're too close to people for you to run." We stopped near a small Toyota as she turned to face me reaching for my other hand which I gave her willingly while mentally berating myself for doing it.

"Where is there?"

"My place," she answered. Feeling my hands tighten over hers, I knew she felt my hesitation. "Look, Jasper. I live in Spring. It's not far from here. My house backs up to a 380 acre park." She placed one of her hands against my cheek, placing the slightest amount of pressure and trying to force me to look into her eyes. I complied more willingly than I should have, and she continued. "I can tell you need to hunt. You're really not going to find a safer place in this highly populated area than there."

"Fine." I wrenched my hands from hers and was astonished to watch a flicker of hurt flash through her eyes. "Look, Bella. We might as well get this out of the way now." I took several steps forward, closing the distance between us, backing her up against the car and placing one hand on either side of her. I caged her between my arms and any normal person would have been shaking in fear. But not Bella, no. She just stood there looking up at me with eyes that look like Hershey Kisses. Open book Bella. I don't even have to think of sensing the air around me to see how she is feeling – comfortable trusting, way too at ease in this situation and in this life.

I knew my eyes were dark; she was right I needed to hunt. But she just stood there calmly waiting for me to continue. Well, if she thought I was still Mr. Emotion Man, she was wrong and she was about to find out. "Bella," I started, my voice laced with hard indifference. "You may know all of these little facts about me. You may know more than I know myself. But you need to understand something right now. You. Do. Not. Know. Me. This is not a reunion. This is business. Get in. Get out. I have a job to do and you have information I want. That's it. " Silence spread between the two of us and I searched her eyes for any sort of a reaction. I found nothing but I heard Wade snort in laughter behind me. He was getting on my nerves as much now as he did a hundred years ago.

My rant finished, I continued to wait. Nothing; she had no response, no argument. Moments passed and silence still flowed between us. "Did you listen to a word I just said, Bella?" I demanded.

"Yes," she replied, still portraying the calm I noticed earlier. She made no move to break free of the confines of my arm as she continued to willingly stare into my eyes.

If she wanted to play with fire, I had no problem with that. She may not have known me well before, so she sure as hell didn't know me now. But she didn't need to feel my fire; my fire would burn her, would destroy her more than any possibility of me sucking her dry from a paper cut ever could. My jaw clenched as I glared at her. "What?" I growled.

"I'm just waiting," she replied, her eyes giving nothing away as I searched them deeply.

"Waiting for what?" I heard Wade unsuccessfully try to stifle his laughter again but I refused to look away. Hell, I didn't know if I could even if I wanted to. I was lost in this moment, all of my attention focused on the woman in front of me. I desperately needed her to see who I was before she ended up doing something stupid and got hurt.

She saw the battle rage in my cold eyes but she refused to back down. I was shocked when she replied with a smirk. "I'm waiting for you to finish your tirade."

"What?"

"You, going on and on. I'm surprised really. I didn't think you were into drama; that was always more Edward's role." She glared defiantly back at me but she was fighting her own smile.

I had no response, none, which forced her to throw her head back in laughter and I found myself battling to keep a straight look on my face. I moved my arms and reached for the handle of the door.

"Oh, hell no!" Wade exclaimed behind me. "There is no way you are riding with me."

I turned and stared incredulously. "This is _your_ car? You own this tiny, girly thing?"

"Well, it sure isn't mine," Bella replied as Wade told me to fuck off. But, I barely heard him.

"Thank God." I looked down at her. "I never pictured you as the girly car type."

"I am a girl, Jasper."

"Darlin," I stepped closer to her, willing myself away, knowing my body wouldn't listen. "There is nothing girlish about you. These past years have made you all woman."

I saw her shiver and cursed myself under my breath, too low for her to hear. But Wade heard, his smirk confirmed it. I needed to hunt and get my control back. This was supposed to be simple – get in and get out. "Let's go, Bella."

She took my hand and pulled me down the sidewalk towards the hottest bike I had ever seen. "Bella, whose BMW is this?"

"Mine," she nonchalantly answered twisting her long hair in one hand as she reached for the helmet with the other.

I stood there in shock. This was not the vehicle of the Bella I knew; that Bella hated speed and this was one of the fastest sport bikes out there. "You realize this is a BMW H2, one of the fastest there is?"

"Yep."

"And it's yours?"

"Haven't we already covered this, Jasper?" She was baiting me, placing morsels of information in front of me, knowing I wouldn't be able to resist. But, damn! I didn't want morsels; I wanted the entire buffet, the feast.

I felt her eyes on me, waiting for my response, but as I looked at her, really looked at her, my tongue didn't seem to work right. Something was off; vampires couldn't get sick but my body wasn't acting the way it should, the way I wanted it to. Instead, it betrayed me, reaching to take her outstretched hand and stepping closer to the human I should be running from. "I guess you don't need the other helmet?" she asked with a smile.

Her humor grounded me again, forcing my mind and body to return to the place I wanted it to be. "I can't say I ever pictured you as a biker chick."

"There are probably a lot of things I've done you couldn't picture. But, my baby here is possibly the best one of them. Now, get on." She patted the back seat while straddling the front. I wasn't sure there was any way possible for me to ride behind her, but I wasn't about to miss this chance.

"Do you even run her the way you are supposed to?" I asked as I sat behind her.

I could see the gleam in her eyes as she turned to answer me. "Hang on and you can find out."

She shot off like lightning, quickly hitting 90, barely slowing down for the corners. Before I realized what was happening my body betrayed me again and I found myself pressed as close to her as I could possibly get, my hands resting on her thighs. The vibrations of the bike under us shook my core and I shivered involuntarily.

"Are you alright?" The question she asked couldn't have been heard human ears with the noise surrounding us, but I heard it perfectly. I knew I couldn't respond the same to her though. My hands found their way to her waist and I closed any remaining distance between us. The movement of my hands there caused the shirt to rise millimeters and I found myself in direct contact with the bare skin of her stomach, my fingers brushing along the waist of her jeans. She shifted, not realizing my intention of moving closer to her to answer her and as she did her warm body ground against my cold one adding friction to the vibrations.

She sighed.

I growled.

But I didn't stop, couldn't' stop. Our bodies moved in sync with each other around every curve, twist, and bend as if we were dancing to a melody made for us. No matter how hard I fought to regain control of the situation, or my body, my mind, I couldn't seem to. My hands returned to her legs and I clenched my fingers still trying to fight but losing as I heard the moan escape from her lips at the increased pressure and massage my hands were giving her. Her breathing shifted as she increased the speed of the bike but she turned the bike in a direction I figured was the opposite than her house.

Our dance continued, her heart racing, my unnecessary breath soaking up every ounce of her matured fragrance, our muscles contracting in a harmony I had ever. She eventually slowed before turning into a long driveway. Neither of us made a move to get off the bike but as she reached up to remove the black and red helmet I couldn't resist helping and my hands ghosted through her soft hair.

"What the hell?" Wade yelled as he through the door open and stormed from the house. I was off the bike before Bella could even get the helmet in her lap and I instantly noticed the loss of heat. "Bella, I left five minutes after you, drove the posted speed limits in that ridiculous car, and beat you home ten minutes ago!"

"Sorry, Wade." She glanced in my direction and I noticed her eyes indicated she wasn't in the least bit sorry. "Jasper and I took the scenic route home."

"Scenic my ass," he muttered and I threw him a glare. "You know this is the worst time of night right now."

"Wade," she cautioned. "You know that no one controls my life but me, so stop trying."

"Fine. I'm going hunting. But, I suggest he go too or we will run out of time."

"What time will they be out?"

"By the sense of movement and the forecasted weather today, I'd say about two hours." With that, he took off, disappearing into the woods behind the antique house.

This conversation made no sense.

"I'll explain it all later, Jasper," she called, tearing me from my confused thoughts. "Right now, you need to hunt. I need you back here in two hours."

"Bella," I growled, stepping back towards her. "Take your own advice. No one orders me around either." I had enough of that shit when I lived with _them_, and I wasn't about to take it up again.

She sighed, getting off the bike and heading towards the house. "Fine, Jasper. Do whatever you want. But, if you want answers from me, you'll be back in two hours." She slammed the door of the house shutting herself off from me. Good! I didn't need any of this crap.

But I did. I knew that and she knew it too. She laid this trap well, one morsel at a time and I was going to devour every bite of it, probably killing both of us in the process.

I left immediately and threw myself into the hunt, more than I had in years. Normally, I hunted with total detachment, but not tonight. It wasn't enjoyment I was seeking, it was control. I liked control; it worked for me. Control left me in charge of the situation and right now I needed that more than anything else. I didn't know who was in my head at the moment. It was a Jasper I didn't recognize.

Jasper Hale Cullen no longer existed; that I was positive of. Just as I was positive I didn't want to see him ever again. That Jasper was a weak-willed fool. He let Alice control everything about his life. She picked out his clothes and ordered him around. Hell, she knew practically everything that could happen and maneuvered their lives to the outcome she thought was best. Everything was solely about what was best for Alice; she was selfish and foolish, causing him to be just as foolish. She didn't trust him; therefore, he never trusted himself.

Jasper's Groce and Thompson I hadn't thought about in a hundred years. I didn't remember much from my human days, I just knew that I was content. I lived with a loving family and fought for a cause I believed in and a land that I loved. But I remembered nothing else and it didn't really matter. It wasn't like I was ever going to go back to that life.

Jasper of Volterra was who I was now. Life was familiar. It was simple and that's why it worked for me now. No one ordered me around. Yes, I followed Aro's orders but it was of my own free will; I could leave the Volturi any time I wanted to. I wasn't content. I wasn't fulfilled. I just was and it worked. But in less than 36 hours that Jasper was shaken for the first time in years. I wondered if I even knew who I was. I should have died a hundred years ago; yet here I was facing eternity completely unsure of my past, my present, and my future.

Burying the last deer, I turned back towards the house. This protected park amazed me; I hadn't realized that Houston had something like this so close to it. But, Bella did. She obviously hadn't moved here not knowing what she was near. I didn't understand this. She shouldn't be so close to anything related to this part of the life. I had so many questions and I knew she was the only one who had the answers. I was sure of that. What I wasn't sure of was my motivation for returning. Yes, I wanted the information for Aro and I wanted to bring Maria down. But, more than that, I wanted to know her story to know her. And I hated myself for that truth.

As I neared the house, my cell vibrated, tearing my thoughts from the woman beyond the line of trees. "Hello?"

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Aro." I sighed so close to the house. I knew I had to stop; I couldn't go into the house while talking with Aro because I still didn't want him to know about her.

"Peter said you called earlier. You found Maria."

"Yes. I haven't seen her yet but it is only a matter of time."

"How do you know it is her then?"

"Maria is nothing but predictable, Aro. I've seen three of her hunters. It's her training, her technique."

"Do you have a plan yet?" His voice sounded even more ancient over the line.

"Fragments, ideas, but nothing concrete yet."

"And the other thing we sensed?"

I hesitated, knowing I couldn't and wouldn't divulge Bella to the Volturi, not without knowing the full story. But, I also wouldn't lie. "Something is going on here, Aro. I'm not sure what it is yet, but there is definitely more than just Maria at work."

Silence filled the line and I knew he was weighing his words carefully. He always did. "I know you will tell me when you figure everything out my son."

"I will."

"But Jasper? I want to make sure you know you can still trust me with anything." I stayed silent, knowing he wasn't finished. He was referring to the story I had told him of the Cullens. "No one else knows what you have shared with me. I may be a collector of rare finds, but I am also a collector of secrets for those of whom I care for."

"I know, Aro." And, I did. Aro had proven many times over that he genuinely cared for me, even arguing with his brothers over my choice of feeding preferences. But, I never knew all of his motives and I certainly never trusted his other two brothers with which he ruled. "Goodbye."

"Ciao, my son."

As I placed my phone back in my pocket I moved quickly towards the house, stopping only when I heard the heated voices through the living room window. "I don't know about this, Bella. He's a liability."

"I trust Jasper," I heard Bella say and I smiled in spite of myself.

"You don't know him," Wade continued. "None of us do."

"I know him better than you think."

"Dammit, Bella. Don't you get it? He is not the same man I knew and he isn't the same man you knew." I moved closer to the window and could see her sitting on the ottoman at the end of the overstuffed chair; Wade paced in front of her.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I never really knew him before." And she didn't. I was too busy being wrapped up in Alice and Edward's control to really get to know her.

"Then he's even more dangerous."

"Wade," she sighed. "He's staying. He deserves to know the whole story."

"You owe him nothing, Bella." He stopped pacing and knelt on the ground in front of her.

"That's where you're wrong. I owe Jasper everything." She dropped her head towards her lap and I could see her struggle with her emotions.

Wade must have sensed it as well because he cupped her face, drawing it up and softly staring in her eyes. "Don't cry, my sweet Bella."

"You'll never know how much my life changed because of him," she whispered. "I was a girl before that day, a child really. His actions changed everything. I owe Jasper more than I can ever repay him for that defining moment. He made me who I am today."

"Okay, sweet," Wade murmured back, his lips pressed against her forehead. "Whatever you want. But, you have to know that I will be keeping an eye on you and him and this entire situation."

"I know," she answered, melting into his all too willing embrace

I was fighting a losing battle trying to keep a hold of my emotions, and the pain almost ripped from my body in a tsunami as he kissed her. It took everything in my power to keep from storming the house and tearing him off of her and into pieces. But, I had no right. The only I thing had any right to was answers, and apparently, she was more than willing to give them to me.

I didn't know what I had done to deserve such loyalty from Bella. I wanted to sample the air around her and sense the depth of that loyalty as well as anything else that had to do with her, but I couldn't. I wouldn't lose control of myself in front of her and I wouldn't let my gift control my life or the lives of others ever again.

**Please review! Leave feedback on your favorite parts, parts that don't make sense, or anything else you want to let me know!!!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Thank you so very much for your responses. I am so glad you are enjoying this story; I am definitely enjoying writing it.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. Jasper is very happy with me now that I have allowed him some answers. This though is but a taste for him; there are many more conversations to come and many more questions on both sides.**

**As always, I own nothing.**

**Chapter 6**

As I walked into the house, Wade stood releasing a stressed Bella. That stress disappeared the moment she saw me. I had no intention of letting them know I had overhead their conversation but I kept my glare focused on Wade. He didn't have to be a mind reader to know I was inexplicably uncomfortable with him that close to Bella. In sheer defiance though he put his hand back on her shoulder and met my stare.

"I'm going to take a shower," Bella announced looking pointedly at Wade before glancing my direction and then walking up the stairs.

Silence filled the room as we continued to stare at one another. The thoughts and questions I had for him were ones I had no right to; my other questions were for Bella alone. So, I had nothing to say. But he obviously did.

"Why are you here, Jasper?"

"You already know the answer to that, Wade. Hell, you are the one who answered it earlier. I want information on Maria."

"No," he growled, his frustration clearly evident on his face. "Why are you at _Bella's_?"

I smirked knowing my presence irritated him. "She asked me to come."

"You don't belong here," he continued, whispering low enough to be certain Bella couldn't hear. Gone was the friendliness from earlier. He was irritated and I was the cause but I couldn't figure out why. Were they involved? Friends? Lovers? Who was he to Bella?

He continued before I could respond. "She doesn't need you here."

"I'm here until she asks me to leave." And, I was. Somehow I knew I wouldn't go until she wanted me to which hopefully would be as soon as she gave me answers. I didn't need to be here no matter how comfortable it felt. But, the Bella I knew wouldn't ask me to leave even if I was imposing on a life she built with someone else. I looked again at Wade as he lounged back on the sofa like he owned the place. Surely he wasn't that 'someone else'.

"That's not good enough," he broke into my thoughts. "I want you out of the house, tonight." These were the times I wished I could allow myself to open my core and sense the emotions of others. He was frustrated and nervous; I could tell that from his body language. But there was something else there as well, I just couldn't figure out what, particularly with Bella in the house; there was no way I would run the risk of her feeling what I kept bottled up so well inside.

"Well fortunately for me, you aren't in charge." I knew I should agree with him and leave; it would be best for Bella, best for me. But, I also knew I wouldn't. I wanted to bait him, to try to figure out his role in all of this. His smell permeated the living room, but it wasn't extremely strong; it made me wonder how often he really was over here.

"Fine," he crossed his arms over his chest. "But I'm staying right here until you leave."

"No, you're not." I heard Bella's voice before I saw her, marveling at how quickly she had showered. Obviously she wanted this conversation as much as I did. I could detect her scent as she made her way down the stairs, the shower having done the job of washing the day away leaving her scent even stronger than before. She surprised me as she walked down the stairs because was walking was not really what she did; she glided, gracefully, her fingertips running along the banister. My body shivered in response to her and I heard Wade hiss beside me. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Bella," he argued forcefully.

"Wade," she replied with just as much strength in her voice. "Go home."

I couldn't contain the grin from spreading across my face. So he didn't live here. Finally, one question I had an answer to, even if I got that answer by default. I raised my hand and waved slightly to Wade as he stared at Bella but I knew he saw me from his peripheral vision. I felt light, childish almost, as I watched Bella try to throw Wade from the house and somehow I knew it was smarter for me to sit quietly and wait.

She opened the door as he stood in front of her looking deeply in her eyes. Okay, so maybe I should help her throw him out. Her fingers rested on his upper arm as she tried to move his immovable body. "We talked about this earlier, Wade. I want him here."

"Okay," he surrendered.

"And don't stay out in the yard to overhear and look through the windows."

I smiled at his crestfallen face as he realized she knew his intentions. With one final glance at me he was out the door; message received, he would keep an eye on me. I had to respect that he wanted to keep Bella safe. Truth be told, I knew I wasn't safe for her to be around. But, I couldn't stay away.

The door shut and Bella rested her forehead on the hard wood, her back to me. Moments passed. I wasn't sure what she wanted. I knew I certainly couldn't provide her any sort of comfort; if she was looking for that from me, she was going to be disappointed. Her heart raced in her chest and again I felt myself wanting to understand her emotions, but words would have to suffice; she would have to explain herself to me when she was ready.

"I'm sorry about him, Jasper," she started, turning and resting her back against the door.

"It's nothing, Bella. He wants you safe. That's not so unreasonable." I wanted to say more, wanted to hear more, wanted to know _why_ he wanted to keep her safe, but that wasn't any of my business.

"He's been a good friend."

_Friend_ I found myself smiling again, not knowing why. "How long have you known him?

"About a year. I met him shortly after I moved to Houston."

"So, you've been here a year then?"

"I have. I heard about this place from a friend of a realtor. They were going to tear it down and I couldn't stand the thought of that, so I finagled a deal and bought it myself."

That surprised me. The Bella I remembered had no money for a house like this and never really seemed to want one. "It's beautiful."

"It's okay." She looked around and I caught glimpses of the Bella I remembered. "I like the land around it more than anything else. There aren't many places like this around here."

"No, there aren't. I used to love this area; I loved everything about costal Texas when I was a human, what I can remember anyway."

She sighed and sat down on the opposite end of the couch, tucking her legs under her body. Sitting there in gray lounge pants and a soft pink tank top, hair still damp, she looked the epitome of relaxation; I only hoped I was guessing right as to her mood. "Bella," I started, not really knowing where to begin.

"Look, Jasper," she broke in. "I know you want answers and I'll tell you whatever you want, but I need something in return." She looked at me expectantly and her eyes were so intense I had to look away.

"What, darlin'?"

"I need answers too."

Her request was simple. Again, I liked simple; I should have been able to handle this request, but I couldn't. She didn't want any answer I could give her because my answers would bring a harshness she didn't deserve.

"I don't know, Bella. How about I answer what I'm comfortable with?"

"Will that same principle work for me?"

I swung my eyes up to meet hers. "But you may have answers I need."

"Sorry, Jasper. That's the deal. I only work in equitable situations. If you want answers from me, you have to give me answers in return."

It was my turn to sigh. Could I do this? Could I open up with someone when I haven't trusted anyone with the details of my existence in years? I looked at this woman in front of me; she meant business. This was not the Bella I used to know and something told me I was going to enjoy getting to know this one. Maybe I could give her answers. I didn't have to give every detail, just enough so that she didn't feel I wasn't holding up my end of the deal. I nodded my head in agreement, anxious for her to begin.

"Good." She smiled, clapping her hands together. "So, first of all, were you able to hunt okay?"

"Bella, only you would be concerned with rather or not your vampire guest had enough blood to drink!"

She glared. This was a test. She was checking to see if I would answer her questions. "Fine, yes. My hunting was very satisfactory."

"Just satisfactory? I remember a time when you and Emmett made a game of hunting."

"That was a long time ago, Bella. Hunting is no longer a game for me; it's something I do because I have to."

Confusion flashed across her face. I knew my answers were cold but just as I was getting to know the new Bella, she would be getting to know the new Jasper. It is just too bad for her that I was getting the better end of that deal.

Silence reigned and it quickly became awkward. Conversation topics ran through my head but none of them seemed safe. So, I stuck with what I already knew. "A bike huh? When did that happen?"

"That particular bike happened about a year ago." She laughed, her face lighting up as she threw her head back, exposing her creamy neck to me. I swallowed. I wasn't sure why; I certainly had no desire for her blood, but her exposed skin called to me anyway.

"That _particular_ bike? So, that means there have been others?"

"Two others actually," she replied, laughing at what I know was a shocked look on my face. "My first bike was a piece of junk. Seriously, it was probably one of the saddest things you would ever see. But, it was mine. I worked with a friend of mine to rebuild it along with one for him. He taught me to ride and I fell in love with the exhilaration of the speed."

Even though I had seen it with my own eyes, felt it with my own body, I still had a hard time picturing Bella enjoying the speed and freedom of a bike. "So let me guess, you've been riding ever since."

She got quiet, her smile fading from her face. "Not exactly. When Edward came back, he wasn't comfortable with me riding. Eventually, I stopped. I started back again later."

I knew this was inevitable. Eventually we were going to have to talk about them, at least partially. I guess it is better to get it over with now. "What do you mean, when Edward came back?"

"Jasper, how much do you know about what happened after my 18th birthday party?"

I growled, swallowing the venom that pooled in my mouth at the reminder of that day. "I remember only what happened the rest of that evening. Everything after that point is a blur."

"And when is the last time you have seen Edward, Alice, or any of the Cullens?"

My head fell back against the couch as I closed my eyes. I really did not want to have this conversation right now. All I wanted was the basic information about Bella, her life these past years, and her involvement with Maria. But it seemed like the past was a huge part of Bella's present. "Does it really matter?"

"Yes, it does to me. I promise you. Answer this question and then you'll know why I'm asking. I'll also tell you anything you want to know" Her warm eyes sought mine out and I knew she was searching for any sort of feeling from me. Well, she wouldn't get it.

I swallowed my remaining venom, hardening my voice. "I haven't seen Edward, Alice, Carlisle, or Esme since the night of your birthday. Ironically, I recently ran into Emmett and Rose. Needless to say, they were not exactly happy with what they saw."

Pity flashed through her eyes and that look knocked at the gates of my personal hell. How dare she pity me? But it disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared, only to be replaced by a tired anger. "They lied to me," she whispered. "Again."

"Who, darlin?"

"Edward, and Alice." A sad smile graced her face. "I can't say it surprises me."

"Bella? When was the last time you have seen any of them?"

Taking a deep breath, she stood, pacing around the living room. "The last time I saw any of the Cullens was four years ago."

A year. She had them for a whole year after I was banished. I thought Edward was leaving? And if he left, why did he come back? Did he even leave her? I physically shook my head trying to force the questions from my mind.

"Are you sure you want the details, Jasper?"

"That's up to you, Bella. It's your story to tell." I tried to remain detached, aloof, but I didn't think she was buying it.

"The months immediately following my birthday were horrible. At the time, I thought nothing could be worse than the pain I was in." I scoffed at her idea of pain. What did she know of it? But, I said nothing and she continued. "Of course, I learned later what real pain is, what my own hell is, but that comes later.

"Edward left me several days after the party. You had disappeared and he said Alice had gone with you that being around me was too painful for you and she wanted to support you." I snorted at that. Alice, support me? "I thought I would die, Jasper. I wanted to die. I begged and pleaded for it to happen even going as far as starving myself. But relief never came, at least not in that form."

She came to sit on the stool across from me. "I became involved with the Quilette tribe for a time." She was watching carefully for my reaction.

"The dogs returned then, huh?"

She nodded; pleased I knew what she was referring to. "Jake, Jacob Black, was a family friend. He is the one who helped me rebuild the motorcycles and taught me to ride. He also had a hand in rebuilding me and in helping me spread my wings. I began to enjoy extreme sports."

Her laughter rang out around the room once more as I raised my eyebrow at her. Bella and extreme sports? "What is the craziest thing you've done?"

"Cliff diving. It's exhilarating! You should try it."

"Uhm…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not very exciting when you're an immortal and not really able to lose your life over it. I guess it's not very extreme."

I nodded my head not trusting my response. How could I explain to her my sudden interest in seeing her in a swimsuit on a cliff somewhere as her extremely responsive body leapt into the water?

"Anyways, as I was saying, I tried many things those months, anything to get life back into my body. But, my heart wasn't in it; that was still with Edward. So, when Alice came in a panic and said Edward was headed to Italy to the Volturri because he wanted to end his life I had to go along with her to save it. If he had succeeded that day, I don't know where I would be."

"Edward was in Volterra?"

"He, Alice, and I were there several months after my birthday."

Had I been there at the time? Surely they would have noticed my scent, would have known I was there. By that time I had already surrendered myself to Aro's service. Why hadn't he ever said anything? "What happened?"

"Long story short, the three of us met with Aro and his brothers. They pardoned the Cullen family for my knowledge and they let us go."

"That doesn't sound like them," I argued. Why would they let her go? How is she alive?

"Edward promised Aro he had every intention of changing me." It was simple and it was something I could see Aro agreeing to. "We returned to Forks, all of the Cullens minus you."

"How did they explain my absence?"

"That was the odd part, although now I know it was all a lie. Edward and Alice said it was still too difficult for you to be around me so you went to live with the Denali clan. But you didn't, did you?"

"No." I couldn't give her any more than that.

"I'm sorry I forced you away from your family."

"_You need to go, Jasper," Alice whispered, her back to me. "You're no longer welcome here anymore."_

Alice's voice ripped through my head with such ferocity I jumped from the couch. "You didn't force me from anywhere, Bella." I had to get away from here, away from her, away from this entire conversation but she wouldn't let me. Her voice called to me and drew me in like nothing else. It was a melody to my dead heart which had gone without music for so long.

"Edward promised to never leave me again."

"Some promise that was," I scoffed. "You don't see him here do you?"

"Edward didn't leave me. I left him."

My mind grapples with what she was saying. _She_ left Edward? It didn't make any sense. "I don't get it."

Her sad laugh rang in my ears. "So much changed for me the day I turned 18, Jasper." Her fingers grasped mine as she tried to turn me to face her, burning into me and marking me forever with her heat. "You will never know how much you changed me."

I didn't hear anger in her voice and I wasn't sure why. 'I'm sorry' seemed like such an inappropriate response for something like this but I had to say it anyway.

"Don't be sorry, Jasper." She realized I wasn't turning in her grasp so she walked around to stare in my eyes not letting go of my hand. "I'm not sorry. Sure, it took me awhile to realize the gift you gave me and I still don't think Edward gets it, but I do."

"Damn, Bella. I don't even understand it."

"Come sit down with me." We situated ourselves on the couch with Bella closer to me than she should be, closer than I should be comfortable with. "What happened that day made me realize the truth of my relationship with Edward. Oh, it didn't happen immediately, and it certainly didn't happen while he was gone, but it happened even so.

"Edward loved me and I loved him, I have no doubt of that. But he never loved me as an equal. Although he promised Aro he would change me, I realized it was not something he ever really wanted. He wanted Bella the human, although he never even wanted that. He was in love with me, but more than anything else, he was in love with the _idea_ of me.

"He denied it of course, swearing he wanted me. I pushed every boundary he had: I had a deep friendship with a werewolf, and love of motorcycles and cliff diving, and," she hesitated.

"And what?" I probed still unsure as to what any of this had to do with me.

"Nevermind."

"No, no. You want total truth from me, you give honest answers. You started it, now finish it."

"Very well, but remember, you asked for it." She looked up at me and I nodded fighting the feeling of getting lost in her eyes. "I had needs, Jasper, physical needs and he refused to do anything to appease them."

I laughed; pure, honest, deep, laughter poured from me for the first time in five years. I could barely contain it but immediately did so as Bella glared at me. "I'm sorry, Bella, really I am. It's just so Edward."

She sighed. "I know. And therein resided our problem. Edward saw me as something that needed his protection. Just like the day at the birthday party, just like the many times we fought over Jake, or riding, or being together. My ideas were constantly discounted, forsaken for his notion of protection."

"I get that, Bella. I just don't see how any of that relates to me at all."

"Jasper, don't you see? If that day had not occurred I would have been miserable eventually and I never would have had the courage to get out."

"But are you really that much happier in this life," My hand swept the room we were sitting in but that gesture meant so much more. "Are you happy with whatever it is you are doing here?"

"Happiness isn't an option for me, Jasper. But, I make a difference here. And more importantly, I am in control of my life."

Control. It was a concept I understood and it was one that I guarded so carefully in my own life. Silence surrounded us again as colors swirled through the windows towards us. I felt Bella yawn beside me. "Bella?" I whispered. "I should go. You are tired."

"Stay," she whispered in response.

I knew I shouldn't just as much as I knew I would. We had spoken at length and yet I still felt like I didn't have enough answers, that I didn't have enough of Bella. Her head fell into my lap as she lay down on the couch and I stiffened momentarily. I didn't deserve the trust she put in me and I knew the longer I stayed near her, the greater the chance she would get hurt. But, I couldn't walk away.

So, we stayed on the couch. I refused to think about the past, about the conversation we just had. I knew there would be other ones, many other ones, but for the time I would do what I did best and that was to just stay in the moment. It was simple. She slept and I stared through the windows.

The sun was rising and a new day was dawning.

**Thank you again for reading. As always, please let me know what you think. Favorite parts or lines? Least favorite parts or lines? Questions?**

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	8. Chapter 7

**I hope you are enjoying this. I know things are a little confusing, but they will make sense. As I have told some of you, if it makes you feel better, Jasper is confused too, and he is annoying me because he wants answers. Hopefully, you will enjoy this chapter as much as he did.**

**Stephanie Meyers owns everything! I just play with her creations. **

**Thank you so much for the reviews and hits that you have blessed me with!**

**Chapter 7**

Bella and I remained on the couch together for three hours as she slept. I rarely gave much thought to time any longer; it was merely something that passed around me. But I did tonight. Three hours; that's how long it had been since I had moved, since Bella asked me to stay, since she stretched out on the couch with her feet resting in my lap. My fingers ached to run across her the smooth skin of her ankles, to feel the heat of her skin under mine.

But I didn't. Instead, I focused on the colors of the sun pouring through the windows. It had been years since I actually allowed myself the opportunity to watch the sunrise. For so many of my kind, this was the time of day to hide particularly in an area like this where the sun was so prevalent. I smiled as I thought about the fact that we would have to spend the day here together because I certainly couldn't go out on a sunny day like this; maybe I'd be able to get the rest of my answers today and leave as soon as the sun set.

Bella had been stirring for the past half hour; she certainly hadn't gotten much sleep last night but I sure as hell wasn't going to point that fact out. She made it quite clear that she and she alone liked to be in charge of her own life and make her own decisions. I could relate; nothing controlled my life but me. As she began stretching though, I couldn't look away. Her toes pointed, causing her heels to dig into my thigh and her arms rose over her head causing her top to move and expose the creamy white skin of her stomach. Selfishly, I wanted her to stay just like that, knowing how crazy that idea was. As she blinked in an effort to focus, I knew that hope was already lost.

"You stayed," she murmured, a smile whispering across her lips.

I shrugged my shoulders. "You asked me to."

"I know." Confusion flickered through her eyes and I had to know why; she could obviously see the question in my eyes and answered before I had the chance to ask. "I'm just surprised that you stayed and I'm sorry you felt you couldn't move."

So she couldn't tell I'd been wrestling with myself for the past few hours trying not to touch her and refusing to move for fear she might move? Well, I certainly wasn't going to correct her. "It's not like I needed to move, Bella."

"I know." She closed her eyes obviously in no hurry to leave the couch. "What did you do?"

'_Fought off the inexplicable urge to rub my hands across your body.' _Yeah, Jasper. That will go over real well. What the hell is wrong with me? I rubbed my hands over my face several times. "Nothing, Bella. I sat on a couch for three hours."

"Three hours?" Immediately Bella was off the couch frantically looking around the room before running to the windows. "What time is it?"

"Calm down, Bella. It's only 9:00."

"Don't you tell me to calm down Jasper whatever-you're-using-for-a-last-name."

'Whitlock," I mumbled, not that she was paying attention. Again I was wrong; she always seemed to pay attention to anything I said.

"Fine," she glared. "Don't you tell me to calm down Jasper _Whitlock_. I can't believe I fell asleep."

"You are human, Bella. Sleep does appear to be a fairly natural occurrence." I had no idea what her problem was.

"Not for me it isn't." She quickly moved into the kitchen grabbing a coke from the fridge. "Damn!" she yelled, slamming the door shut. Without hesitation, she tore up the stairs.

I waited, listening for any sound: running water, clothes hangars, doors being slammed. All I heard was silence. Seconds turned to minutes and still there was nothing. What the fuck? How the hell was she being this quiet? Did she want me to stay down here? Was I supposed to leave? No. There was no way I was leaving until I had the answers I wanted. There was no way I was walking out that door, away from her, without total closure; I couldn't stomach the thought of leaving only to return.

So, I took a chance and followed her scent up the stairs. I passed the bedroom, passed what had to be her bathroom, and stopped in front of a panel in the wall. It would have been missed by most human eyes, by most vampire eyes, but I recognized the panel for what it was. I had seen it before in one of my human memories. Behind the third panel to the right was a hidden room; my mother had used an almost identical one at our house to hide runaway slaves as she helped them escape. I could see the seam in the wood, seeing her in my hazy memories as she opened the door and immediately I searched for the latch. Behind the panel I could hear the faint hum of electronic equipment. Finding the latch, I released it and the door opened silently so I walked in.

Bella was surrounded by monitors, at least twenty of them, each displaying colored images. It was surreal and totally unexpected. "What?" I began to ask, curiosity almost leaking out of me, but she quickly cut me off.

"Shut it, Jasper."

"Excuse me?"

"Shut up or get out."

She was serious and there was no way I was leaving now, so I decided to explore the screens in front of me. I had been correct to being with my initial guess; there were twenty monitors in this small room. In all actuality, there were twenty flat screen TV's monitoring different angles of what appeared to be a warehouse. I stepped closer to Bella, her scent clouding around me as I surveyed the images. I was too curious to focus on any one screen for too long so I stopped to watch Bella. She scanned the other monitors frequently, but it was the monitor directly in front of her that had her full attention. I leaned closer, my hands on ether side of the back of Bella's chair instantly mesmerized.

_Fuck me. _

"Maria," I whispered, so low I was positive Bella hadn't heard it, but she did. Immediately she turned in her chair to face me. Last night she indicated she knew the truth of my past. Did she know about Maria, about the monster I had been, the monster I still was? My eyes closed almost immediately but her image was already burned into my mind. She hadn't changed at all, not that she would anyway. I don't know what I was anticipating but it sure as hell wasn't this. Unconsciously I began gasping for as much unnecessary air that I could suck into my body. Bella's scent flooded my senses, my throat, and for the first time in years I felt the control of my bloodlust slip. I needed to get out of here. Now.

Before I could move for the door though it slammed shut behind me. No sound filtered in, no air circulated through. I was trapped with the image of Maria, my maker, my mentor, my lover, and the woman who I hated more than anything along with Bella, the very fragile, very human and deliciously tempting woman in front of me. I was screwed.

"What the hell?" I growled at Bella who was standing by the door latch reaching for a nearby remote.

"Wade is here," she replied simply.

"I don't hear him, Bella. Let me out."

"No."

"I'm not kidding Bella."

"Neither am I."

Her fingers reached the remote and she pressed two buttons on it without ever breaking eye contact with me. We glared at each other.

"If you know what's good for you little girl, you'll open the door and let me out." I warned her. This was stupid! There is no way this tiny human can keep a hundred and forty year old vampire locked in anywhere.

"Little girl?" She hissed angrily. "That's not what you said last night! Now sit down and hush!"

Her eyes closed and the monster within me roared to devour the beautiful sight in front of me. "Bella, open your eyes and look at me. I'm about two seconds away from killing you. Now open the damn door!"

Immediately her eyes flew open at my command but I quickly ascertained I was not in control. "I realize this may be difficult for you," she argued. "But I don't have time to deal with your issues."

"You don't know anything about them!"

"Maybe not." Her slender finger pointed out towards my chest and as I took two steps backwards she followed. The back of my lower body pressed against the chair and I desperately tried to keep my distance but she was relentless. "But I know this," she continued. "We have two problems facing us at the moment and I can't allow you to add a third."

She moved close and this time it was me with the closed eyes. "Jasper," she whispered, her soft hand pressing against my cheek. "I need you to find this legendary control I've heard so much about in the past couple of years. Give me ten minutes tops. He'll leave soon and I can open the door. Please."

Her plea was unnecessary. The moment she touched me I knew I wouldn't, couldn't, hurt her. I opened my eyes gazing into hers as I pressed further into her palm. "Talk to me." It was my turn to whisper.

She knew I craved distraction and she did not hesitate. "Wade does not know about this room, about these screens and he can't know."

"He'll look for you." My teeth were still clenched together and venom was coating my mouth; I was afraid she wouldn't understand me.

"That's where this comes in." The remote flashed in her other hand as she dropped the fingers from my cheek and pressed another button. I immediately missed the warmth.

"What's with the remote?"

"Just a trick I picked up along the way."

She smirked at me as I raised an eyebrow at the enigma in front of me and she continued. "This turns the water in my shower on, this starts, the music, and this third button," she tapped her finger against the button she just pressed, "starts the Bella."

"The Bella?" She certainly had done a tremendous job distracting me and I knew she realized it.

Moving quickly, she pushed against me and I acquiesced, allowing her access to the chair. She sat and drew my attention to two smaller screens to her right. I avoided any image that could possibly lead to a glimpse of Maria and focused instead on Bella's voice. Her pointing finger indicated Wade walking in her living room. "He has a key and let himself in. I noticed him on the porch right before he opened the door. That's why I shut us in here."

"I don't get this, Bella, any of this. But before we get to the rest of the screens, explain to me how a trained vampire scout will not detect you in here."

"This is a soundproof room, but that really isn't necessary. Wade and I have an agreement. He's not allowed anywhere beyond the first floor of my house." For some reason I really liked this agreement.

"Maybe normally, but I kind of messed that up for you. He doesn't want me here, Bella and he made that pretty clear last night. If he shows up and can't find you, he won't hesitate to tear the house apart."

"True." She flashed a grin at me. "But that's where my friendly remote helps. The sounds he hears will convince him that I'm taking one of my notoriously long showers. He'll assume you went hunting again."

She was smarter than I remembered but there was one serious flaw with her plan. "You've forgot a major item though darlin'."

"What's that?"

"No heart beat." It was simple really. No matter where we vampires where humans were always detectable by their heartbeat and after hearing it for a solid three hours early this morning, I knew Bella's was very distinct.

"You raise a good point, Jasper. But, you seem to forget that I know and the world of the supernatural just as much as I know the world of the natural. That is where 'the Bella' comes in."

"I'm listening."

That grin lit up her face again and her fingers flew across the keyboard. "Good, then pay attention." With the final click of a button an almost indiscernible sound sang throughout the room. I was momentarily silenced.

This was impossible. I wasn't sure how she was doing this, but it didn't make sense. I realized quickly I was saying that a lot about Bella lately. "That's your heartbeat."

"Yep!"

"How?"

She clicked another button and the second heartbeat stopped. "When I spent so much time in the hospital with Charlie, the idea came to me. Digital technologies have made so many things possible today; why not apply that knowledge to my needs."

"Still confused here, Bella."

"After the attack, I sat in the hospital with Charlie day in and day out. I listened to the beep on the machine incessantly. At some point and time, they came in and conducted a Doppler. I realized that afternoon this was the sound you all heard all of the time. So, I had a friend at the hospital use a similar procedure for me and record it. I cleaned up the sound and have it set to play in certain strategic areas."

Damn. I don't know if it is possible to be any more surprised by Bella but it keeps happening. This was outrageously brilliant. "Okay, I'm impressed. I'm freaking curious about this attack and Charlie being in the hospital, but we'll get back to that. Is this the first time you've used this strategy?"

"Nope."

"That's it? Just – nope?"

Boldly, she turned around to face me. "I used the trick the first time to sneak away from Edward. I knew he would be the ultimate test."

Yep, surprised again. I was speechless.

"Yoo hoo, Jasper." She called out.

"You had to sneak away from Edward?"

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at me. "You do realize he is the ultimate control freak?"

Her words ripped me back to the past I wanted to forget and the lightheartedness of the moment quickly left. "Wade is leaving."

"I told you," she murmured, picking up on my shift. "He'll be back soon; we don't have much time which leads me back to problem number one. She normally meets with them early in the morning and I'm going to be furious if I missed her plans for the day."

Standing, she moved the few steps to the door and pressed the latch release, the door sliding open. As I prepared to leave, she sat back down and the room was inundated with voices. Instantly, I recognized Maria's.

"_Take three of your brothers with you today; use the tunnels again to access the bank. You're best bet will be offices above there. My sources tell me that there are two men working on the second floor who will be perfect for our little family. The others in the office take a lunch break at 11:30; this gives you an hour to be ready." _

"_Yes, ma'am," the man responded almost reverently. If possible, there is no doubt that drool would be falling from his lips. _

"_And, Caleb?" Her cold voice called out, summoning him to stop in his tracks. _

"_Yes, Mistress Maria?"_

"_Do this well, and you will be rewarded."_

I bolted. This was too surreal for me. Images of Maria's rewards flashed through my memory. I was losing control; I needed to regain my focus and in order to do that I needed to indulge. But, I refused to do so with Bella anywhere near me. So, I ran for the woods, faster than I had moved before. The coyote had no idea what hit him. Pain radiated from me directly to him, pinning him to the ground as he writhed in agony. I could hear his heart thundering as I drained him. This was not peaceful; it was not merciful. The process repeated. Time and time again, I tormented the animals, indulging in my release before feeding. It was unnecessary blood and as that thought crossed my mind, I stopped abruptly. This was ridiculous. I didn't feed like this, for this reason. I fed to sustain myself only. I indulged for control and I indulged on missions only. But this mission was hitting closer to home than I anticipated.

Without thinking, I flipped my cell phone open. "This better be good," I heard from the other end.

"I found her, Peter."

His sigh frustrated me and another burst of pain shot from my core. "You said that the other night dumbass."

"But this time I saw her."

Silence. I had reached him. "Is she alive?"

"Hasn't been in a hundred and fifty years."

"Don't fuck with me, Jasper. Did you kill her?"

"No. I told you that I wasn't planning to start a war. This is a recon mission for Aro."

"Then why are you calling?"

"You're the information man. Inform Aro."

Slamming the phone shut, I felt steady. My control was back; I was issuing orders and no longer felt as if I was balancing on edge.

I raced back to the house to see Bella bounding down the stairs dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a black tank top. She twisted her wet hair up into a messy bun and grabbed the keys from the hook she placed them on last night. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Hey, you're the one who took off on me. I didn't question you, so you don't get to question me."

"I went hunting, Bella."

"Fine, that answer works for me too. I'm going hunting."

"Funny. You think you're a comedian now."

"No. I'm good at what I do and right now, I'm hunting at the bank building."

"The hell you are!"

"DON'T tell me what to do." She unlocked a small safe next to the couch by placing her palm against it, pulling the door open. A small object lay inside the safe and she quickly grabbed it, stuffing it in the waistband of her jeans.

"You don't seriously expect me to let you anywhere near her, do you?"

She turned to look fiercely at me, her anger rolling off every ounce of her body language. "You're right, Jasper. I don't expect you to _let _me do anything. You are not responsible for me; you are not in control of me. You wanted answers, Jasper and you're getting them. Go back upstairs."

"You're not going alone." This was insane. Did she seriously think she could do anything to stop Maria? But then, my mind flashed back to last night. Without any hesitation, she took out one of Maria's creations and sent the other two packing. Who was I to question her?

She groaned in frustration. "Jasper, there is no way you can go; your scent will be all over the room and could possibly get back to Maria. You don't want her knowing that you are here any more than I do. I have very few angles of the downtown area hard wired in, but I was able to access the bank's security system. You can watch every angle from the monitors upstairs." She stepped closer again and looked as if she was fighting wrapping her arms around me. I noticed she had showered and realized my scent was washed away. "I know what I'm doing, Jasper. Please trust me."

"You don't need my permission, Bella and you obviously aren't looking for it. However, I give you my word I won't go after you. I'll watch from here. But, tonight woman, you are giving me answers, all the answers you have, and we are ending this."

She nodded her acceptance of my request, my demand, and fled out the door. I heard the bike start and watched as she flew down the driveway, her body molded against the machine as if it were a powerful extension of her.

Trust was not an option. I did not trust anyone but myself and I wouldn't trust again. Yes, I respected a few in Volterra, just as I respected Bella's decision. But trust? Never.

**As always, please use the button below and leave a review. Is there anything you particularly liked, hated? Let me know!!!**


	9. Chapter 8

**I am so sorry about the delay. There are not enough apologies. Just know that it is not intentional. I am an educator in the Gulf Coast of Texas. If you aren't aware, we had some pretty major flooding this past week; now we are dealing with school closings from the swine flu! So, it has been exhausting around here.**

**I tried to make it up to you though by ensuring this was a longer chapter, and I am already working on the next one. As always, please let me know what you think.**

**And remember, I own none of the recognizable characters.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

Even driving as quickly as Bella had the other night, I knew she had at least half an hour to forty-five minutes before she would reach her destination. Fortunately for her, it was only 10:00; she was well-behind the morning rush and well-ahead of the lunch rush. Traffic should not be too big of a deal. And, she had plenty of time before she absolutely had to be there. I closed my eyes and fought the urge to take off after her. She may have found this new confidence and strength, but I knew Maria, knew her better than most others ever would.

I locked the door behind her and bolted up the stairs. The lock would do nothing other than delay Wade entering the house, potentially buying me time to leave the hidden room upstairs. I didn't particularly relish the thought of closing myself in there with images of Maria to keep me company. But, I needed to study those images. Bella's media system was the best possible way for me to scout Maria's latest hideaway.

Arranging myself to keep the view of the porch and living room in my peripheral vision, I began to study the screens. There must have been at least seven different views of the bank Bella had told me about. This was surreal to me; technology wasn't new, I enjoyed the ease of which information could be passed in this day and age. But, this room that Bella had created was amazing. I now had no need to get anywhere near Maria as I could just sit back and study her from here.

Time hadn't changed her. Sure her attire changed, but that was about it. Her black hair gleamed hanging down around her waist. Maria was nothing if not prideful, and she knew her looks were her most powerful asset. She played to them, had others wrapped around her finger because of them. Even now, after all this time, I could still see the draw. But I was no longer the naïve young newborn, dependent on her for my every need.

I watched her move throughout the warehouse. One room was obviously designated as hers. It was the only room with a bed, furniture, and any ounce of luxury. Maria never had to worry about the actual needs of her newborns; she never kept them around long enough for them to realize they needed anything. I remembered that clearly. I had fought so hard the past few years to forget the details of my former existence, but looking at her brought it all back. I could still hear her ordering me to kill the latest group of newborns that were no longer new. Shuddering, I brought myself back to Bella's room.

Noticing movement from the corner screen, I glanced down to see Wade step onto the porch. I checked Bella's remote to ensure everything was turned off and stepped outside of the room, closing the door behind me. I stepped quickly into the bathroom, refusing to take in the images of Bella filtered throughout the room. With vampire speed, I undressed, jumped in the shower, and redressed before heading down the stairs.

Fury flashed through his eyes at the sight of me. Draping the towel around my neck to catch the un-dried water from my hair, I didn't even take the time to button my shirt. "What the hell are you doing Jasper?" He growled.

"Last I heard Wade, it was called a shower." I smirked, knowing why he was so irritated.

"Bella doesn't allow anyone beyond the first floor of the house. There's a shower down here around the corner."

Yep. I was right; he hated the fact that I was upstairs. True, Bella didn't quite give me permission to use the shower, but I had to have a logical reason to be upstairs. He didn't have to know that though. "I like the one upstairs."

He took a step closer to me. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"What happened to the 'is it you, Major Whitlock'?" I plopped down on the couch glancing at the clock. 10:55; I needed him out of the house in fifteen minutes. "I thought you were all excited about wanting me to help you with Maria."

"Help me find her the other night, jackass. Not, help your way into Bella's house."

"Look, I don't know what your problem is. I'm not trying to move in on your territory here." But, I'll try my damndest to make sure Bella stays away from you. "I'm just here for answers."

"Whatever, Jasper." He glanced around the room and turned his head towards the second story. "Where is she?"

I shrugged my shoulders non-commitally. "She was gone when I got out of the shower."

His eyes popped open at that. Clearly, he wasn't used to her leaving without him knowing where she was. "Where the hell did she go? Surely the two of you must have talked about something last night."

"What Bella and I do or do not talk about is none of your business." I glanced at the clock again and realized I had five minutes to get him out before I threw him out. I had to get back upstairs.

"It is my business if this mission gets screwed up because of you!" His incessant pacing was getting ridiculous.

"This mission?"

"Yes, this mission. The same mission you are here for. It will always revolve around Maria for you and I."

I stared at him after that comment completely bewildered. "My life doesn't revolve around Maria, Wade. It hasn't for over 90 years." Damn! What I wouldn't give for some more time to assess him. Something was off. But, I didn't have time. I needed to be upstairs, now. "If you are so concerned about Bella, why don't you go look for her?"

"You don't know where she went." He scoffed.

"True. But, surely you must have some idea. You keep saying that you know her so well." I was playing him like a fiddle and he was completely buying into it.

"Of course I know her better than you do," he snapped. "If she comes back, tell her to call my cell."

He slammed the door before I could respond to him which was fine with me; I wasn't planning to give Bella his message anyway. When she got back, we were having a conversation and then I was disappearing, leaving, before things got anymore complicated. I would give my report in person to Aro and then I would stay behind as Dimitri and the others destroyed Maria.

But, that was later. Right now I needed to be back in the room and as much as I hated it, I was going to lock myself in there. I couldn't afford to have Mr. Curiosity come back and find me. For some reason, Bella didn't want him to know about the room and that was fine by me.

I moved up the stairs, pausing the clean up the mess in the bathroom. Without being in a rush, I could really sense Bella in this place. Her scent covered the room and I caught myself breathing it in as I started closing my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? I knew how to close myself off, knew how to control myself, but five minutes in the bathroom of an amazing human and I seem to forget all of that. I shook my head trying to clear it as I bolted from the room.

There was no escape from her scent though as I positioned myself in front of the screens, the door securely shut behind me. I focused on the seven screens of the bank, purposely avoiding those of Maria's warehouse. I could still see her from my peripheral vision but I wanted to wait to investigate her; right now my attention would be focused on the bank.

11:15. Bella still had 15 minutes before Maria's men were assigned to be there. They would be on time. Maria couldn't stand blatant noncompliance of her rules and there was no way they would not carry them out exactly as she specified.

Her access of the bank's security system gave me total views of the bank, the vault, and the upstairs offices. I knew to focus there based on Maria's instructions this morning. But this is stupid! I'm sitting here, in this tiny fucking room, watching monitors and waiting for Bella to step into the bank and get her ass kicked. I mean seriously, how can she expect to keep taking on groups of semi-newborn vampires and expect to walk away? Although she never truly explained how long she had been doing this, I gathered last night and this morning were not her first times.

I didn't even know what her plan was so I had no clue what to watch for. It wasn't as she would just be able to waltz into a bank and access the offices. Again, my eyes scanned the screens, searching for any sign of her. I could see the tellers behind the counter and the security guard as he walked around the lobby cautiously watching the tellers and bank guests. It was near lunchtime, 11:20, and the bank would soon be busy.

And then, I saw her. Her jeans, boots, and tank top gone, Bella had transformed herself into a fucking hot banker chick. A gray knee-length, pin striped skirt graced her legs, making her calves appear leaner and longer than I remembered and a white button-down shirt pulled tight across her chest. Her hair was pulled into a loose bun behind her head and she wore a pair of unnecessary thin, wire-framed glasses. She looked damn hot and I found myself quickly swallowing venom.

Fucking hell! This is getting annoying! What the hell is wrong with me?

Bella was standing in that lobby, clipboard in hand, looking every bit the part of a young man's wet dream. And, she knew it. The eyes of lobby guard swept over her form as she sauntered towards him and I bit back a growl at his response. He was eager, way too eager, and I saw him point to the stairwell in the back. So Bella was going to make it upstairs without a problem. Outfit, clipboard, looks: obviously she didn't go into this without a plan and for some reason, I liked that.

She disappeared for a few minutes and I assumed she was climbing the stairs to the second floor offices. I focused on the image of the small office, manipulating her controls to bring the volume up in the room. Two men, easily in their early to mid twenties, bent working over their respective desks. I knew immediately why Maria would want these two; they were handsome humans and would be stunning vampires. But, they were also obviously smart and physically, they were definitely her type. Both, however, were startled when Bella waltzed through the door.

"Good afternoon, gentleman," her voice rang out in a sultry song.

"May I help you?" One of them asked, his eyes raking her appearance.

"You can help yourself by keeping your fucking eyes to yourself," I grumbled at the screen, knowing he couldn't hear me but inexplicably needing to say it anyway.

Bella, on the other hand, had a more tasteful response. "Yes, Bill," she glanced at her clipboard and again I found myself marveling at her. How the hell did she know his name? She continued. "I'm Isabella Cullen from the main office. It's time for your annual audit." She whipped out an authentic looking badge and even through the screen I my perfect eyesight could see it identified her as a Cullen.

What the fuck? Her last name was Cullen? I shuddered with the thought, positive I had left the last Cullen behind me in Africa a week ago.

Her melodic voice continued. "I realize our records indicate we completed the audit last week, but there were a few areas missing from the report. I'll need to borrow your computer to access those files."

Eager boy jumped from his desk, holding his chair out to her. Bella smiled warmly before accepting his offer and I couldn't help but roll my eyes; she really was laying this on a little thick. "Anything else you need Miss Bella?"

"Actually yes. I'll need private access to these files for at least thirty minutes. Do you think you can both take your lunch break a little early, sugar?"

Seriously? Eager boy nodded his head up and down and his friend hit him in the back forcing his mouth to close. I liked his friend.

"You're a doll! Be back around noon and I'll definitely be finished." She smiled again and I could actually see the pulse speed up in his youthful neck as his heart beat faster.

"Maybe then you'll need some coffee?" He asked eagerly.

"We'll see sugar," she answered, her attention already facing the computer. I knew her answer was only to placate him but I didn't want her having coffee with him; I wanted her back home so she could actually answer my questions and I could hit the road.

Eager boy was drug out of the office by his co-worker. As soon as the door shut Bella leaned against the desk closest to the door, facing it. Her hand twitched near the back of her waist and I was sure she had slipped her blade into the waistband of her skirt.

She waited.

I waited.

We both knew what was to come, what would soon walk through the door. She seemed calm, ready; I wasn't. This was stupid. This shit was going to catch up with her at some point and I needed to be the fuck back in Italy before it happened.

Leave. I could do it now. I disappeared from her life before and it would be so simple to do it again. Just stand up, open these doors and fucking walk away. I was a competent scout and I could gather my reconnaissance on Maria without Bella's information. I glanced again at the screen. The image was captivating, innocent banker girl waiting patiently for three killers. There was no I could leave without seeing how this played out.

Bella's jaw tightened and I saw the doorknob turn. Caleb stepped in flanked by a vampire on either side. One of them I immediately recognized from the previous night. John was his name and he appeared to be the calm one. The second vampire was obviously the youngest; his body was rigid with desire and his eyes never left Bella. I wouldn't take my eyes off him.

"Who the hell are you?" Caleb demanded of Bella, obviously expecting to find the two men.

She reached up to pull her glasses from her eyes. "I'm Bella. You must be Caleb." The grin plastered across her face was priceless. He didn't know how to react.

"I don't care what your name is. I want to know who the hell you are and where the workers in this office went."

"Well Caleb, your two assignments from Maria went to lunch early." She tapped the folded glasses against her cheek while the other hand remained near her waistband. "As for your other question, you can just consider me your biggest fear."

"You my little human, are nothing for me to fear," he scoffed taking a step closer to her. "You obviously know who we are but I have to wonder if you know what we are capable of."

She nodded her head but I could tell her didn't believe her.

"But you don't pretty," he continued. He closed his eyes and inhaled the air around him. I knew he was filling his body with her delicious scent and so did she. But, she just stared at him with an almost bored expression filling her face. "You smell divine beautiful."

He seriously needed to stop with the fucking pet names already.

"I've been told that a time or two," Bella replied unbuttoning her sleeve.

"But do you know the pain you would feel if I decided I needed a taste, just a nibble? My friend here wouldn't be able to help himself once the scent of your freshly available blood hit the air." Even through the screen I could see the venom leak from the other vampire's mouth; he was quickly losing what little control he possessed.

"Oh please! What is it with you vampires and the drama? You all go on and on blabbing about how scary you can be." She pushed her sleeve up over her crescent shaped scar and held her arm up. "Does this look like someone who is unaware of what your kind can or cannot do?"

Caleb's eyes widened.

"Now," she continued. "The problem with all the talk is that you could have potentially already killed me. If you had let your friend there have a go at me the minute you walked in the door, we might not be having this conversation. Instead," she reached to her waistband, "you are facing the potential that one or more of you will not return to Maria."

"You know that's impossible," he growled furiously. "Do you seriously think you can take any of us out?"

"Not without a little help," Bella acknowledged as she pulled the small blade from her waistband. "I know I can't fight you; but, I can hurt you." She flung her wrist to the side causing the blade to extend.

"What the hell is that?" Caleb questioned. John just smirked. He intrigued me. I knew from the first encounter I witnessed Bella that he understood exactly what was going on. But he wasn't doing anything to stop it or explain.

"This," Bella answered, "is a very special weapon. There is nothing else in the world like it. With it, I can easily kill you."

"Impossible."

"Send your friend over here and find out."

With an imperceptible nod from his head the newborn shot forward, eager for the chance to drain the delicious girl in front of him. He lasted three seconds. As quickly as she had the first night I saw her, Bella swung the blade at an angle. Before he was even able to touch her, his head was on the floor.

"You bitch!" Caleb roared stepping forward and retrieving the vampire's head. "Get the body, John!" He ordered. "We need to help the head fuse back."

"It won't do any good," Bella replied.

"Of course it will you bitch. Surely you know this won't kill him. He's not burning is he?"

"He's not twitching is he?" She asked with just as much sarcasm in her voice.

He stopped in his tracks.

"Go ahead and try if you want, but it will not do any good. He's dead, permanently this time."

"What the fuck is that thing?"

"I told you a weapon, my weapon to be exact. I know how to use it and I do it well. It was created centuries ago, bathed in the fires of hell and washed in the blood of your enemies and your own kind. It's the perfect way to kill those whom you hate."

"But I understand you to be a vampire lover, Miss Bella," John finally spoke, breaking into the conversation.

"True," she acknowledged. "I have loved vampires deeply, still love them." My ears perked up at this. Did she still love Edward? "I will probably always love the vampires in my life." She sighed and for a fraction of a moment I recognized the sad look in her eyes. "But, there is a difference in loving some vampires and all vampires.

"Those that I love fight to be someone other than who their nature dictates. They fight for control." She glanced up staring directly in the camera and my breath caught in my throat. She was talking to me, about me. "You on the other hand," she glared back at the two standing there. "Both of you, all the newborns with you, and that bitch Maria succumb to the monsters within. Not only that, you relish the sensation of ending life.

"Do you even know why you fight, John?" She asked, purposely avoiding Caleb's furious glare.

"Because my Mistress demands it of me." I knew his answer, had uttered it a million times myself. More than that, I knew what that answer did to you over time.

"What about what you want?" She whispered.

Seconds passed. He didn't answer her vocally, but I saw the war in his eyes, had experienced the war in his body. She sensed the battle as well and dropped her fighting stance, the sword tilting to the side. It was all the time Caleb needed. He lunged for Bella, knocking John to the side and jarring him to his senses.

Bella moaned as she was pushed backwards, her lower back slamming into the desk. I could hear him growl and hiss as he lunged after her a second time. Fuck! He was going to kill her and there was no way I could stop it. My mind raged with various plans and I was wishing I hadn't been such a dumb fuck with Wade earlier. He could be there right now.

My feet were rooted to the floor and I could not do anything but stare at the screen. I noticed John had not moved from his place either but my attention was focused on Caleb. I watched as he hit Bella with such force she should have flown across the room. But she didn't. She merely snapped back before straightening upward again. Caleb was relentless though and he continued his attack on Bella. I was as helpless as she was.

And then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Bella tightened her hold on the handle of the blade and thrust straightforward, exhaling loudly as it effortlessly slid into Caleb's stomach. He didn't move, didn't fight back or even try to remove the blade. It was as if the movement paralyzed him.

"It burns doesn't it?" Bella tried to mask the pain she was in, but I could hear it in her voice even if that asshole couldn't.

"Fuck you bitch!" He spat.

"No thanks. I'm not that desperate." I was almost relieved to hear that she had not lost her spark in that brief battle. "But seriously though, that isn't a very nice way to speak to someone who holds your undead life in her hands.

"What do you think, John?" She asked. "Should I end it now? Put him out of his misery?"

"Let him go, Bella," he ordered his voice thick with emotion.

"You're no fun!" she laughed and quickly ripped the blade from his body. Still, he didn't move. John stepped forward to help Caleb stand as she glared at both of them. "I'm doing you boys a favor, again. Tell Maria to leave."

"I will kill you bitch," Caleb forced through his clenched jaw.

"Not if I kill you first," she replied, the same time I did.

"Go, Caleb," John commanded. "I'll take care of Micah."

With one final glare, Caleb tore from the small office his hand pressed tightly against the wound in his stomach.

"You are playing with fire, Miss Bella."

"So are you, John," she replied. "This madness has got to stop."

"You will lose," he countered. "She will destroy you."

"She will destroy you too. The Volturri know about her and the situation she has created here. You cannot trust her."

"I cannot trust you."

I knew the feeling, too well. I couldn't trust her either because I couldn't trust myself. I could still see the confliction in his eyes but I saw the stirrings of tenderness as he looked at her. What is it with Bella that she manages to attract the attention of every fucking dangerous thing around?

Bella sighed, resting against the desk. "You have to tell her to back off!"

"What is it to you?" He asked and I was thankful; I wanted to know the answer to that myself.

"Do you really not understand what her plan will do to the vampire world? There is a reason the Volturri exists! I realize their methods are not always approved of by everyone, but their intent is correct. Humans cannot know about your existence. Most of them would not be able to handle it. The fear would be unbelievable."

She glanced upwards again and I recognized immediately that this answer was as much for my benefit as it was for his. "You would be hunted, relentlessly. And, you would be destroyed. I _will not_ let that happen. I will die first"

I was stunned. There was no response I could create and I could feel the pain start to radiate from my core. All of this, the situation Bella was in, the reality of my world and hers, all stemmed from that night. She may have appeared thankful to me last night, but she had no real idea the damage I had inflicted on her.

"Please, John. Convince her to stop." She whispered.

He didn't answer, just stared for several moments before grabbing the newborn's body and fleeing from the room. Bella fell to the floor, her back sliding against the desk as her body searched for support. I watched as her hands trembled while she folded the blade back to its original size. She was exhausted.

"Jasper," she whispered, knowing I could hear her. "Take my truck from the garage. The windows are dark enough that they will protect you. Find Wade and take him for some sort of scouting expedition, anywhere, I don't care. Just keep him away from the house." Some sick part of me liked the fact that she didn't want him around.

"Please come back though later. I need you."

She gathered all of her strength and stood, straightening the papers on the desk before she walked out of the room. I watched her walk away and couldn't wait for tonight.

She didn't say she needed me to stay; she said she needed me. And for the first time in a long time, I was afraid I needed someone too.

**Review and let me know what you think! I always love to hear about your favorite parts, lines, or parts that didn't make sense to you.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	10. Chapter 9

**I promise I have not given up on this story. I have spent the last few weeks dismantling my computer and trying to figure out what in the world is wrong. I was initially hit by a virus, then a Trojan. Now, I can only run in safe mode!!!**

**But, at least now that I am finally in safe mode, I can type again. And, the good news for ya'll is that I've been writing by hand these past few weeks and have written quite a bit. So, here is the latest update, a little longer than usual, but ya'll have been so wonderfully patient!**

**I still own nothing related to Twilight.**

**Enjoy!**

Five hours later Wade and I headed back to the house. I didn't think it was even possible for vampires to be exhausted, but physically I was sure I was there. It had taken me almost an hour to track Wade down once I left earlier. It was fucking impossible to drive around down here undetected. I couldn't be out in the sunlight so I needed the truck. I couldn't catch his scent in the truck, so I had to roll down the window. I sparkled when the sun hit me without the tint.

It was ridiculous; I thought I couldn't win.

But I did. I finally caught a break when the wind shifted on the shade covered streets of Old-Towne Spring. He was standing under the awning of a store on his cell phone. Enjoying the shade form the street, my window was still down so I could hear him during his conversation. With the wind blowing, I was too far away to hear the other side of the conversation but I knew he was arguing with the individual on the other side.

"I don't know what the hell is going on!" I heard him his into the phone. "Everything has shifted." He paced back and forth in front of the shop and for a moment I was afraid he would forget there were humans in the area. But, he reigned himself in as he exhaled an unnecessary breath.

"No, she wasn't there when I got to her house this morning." Okay, now he was talking about Bella; my ears perked up at that.

"Don't tell me how to do my job!" He growled into the phone before he slammed it shut. I took that as my opportunity to roll up to the curb next to him.

"Problems at work?" I asked. His head snapped up at the sound of my voice.

"What the hell do you want, Whitlock?"

"Oh, I'm 'Whitlock' now, am I?" He glared at me and my eyes never wavered. I didn't want to be here, but Bella asked me to so here I was. "Get in Mitchell."

He slipped into the truck and we were on our way. I concocted some bogus lead and we spent the next four hours chasing it down. I listened to his incessant chatter the entire time as the rest of my mind stayed focused on Bella. I wondered if she had made it home and what kind of shape she was in. I could tell from Wade's body language he was frustrated and anxious and I wasn't going to question him about it. Bella was the reason; I did not have to be a mind reader to figure that out. We had argued for the past few hours. I told him I had heard from Bella and she mentioned going to hunt down some leads. He was pissed about that and he was even more pissed that I would not give him any other information.

Adding to his frustration was the sheer fact that it appeared to him I could care less. He did have a good point with that when he asked me why the hell I was even here. I want answers; that's the only reason I'm still here. It's still simple – at least in theory.

Finally we rolled up the driveway towards Bella's house. Before I can even put the truck in park, Wade is out of the cab and barreling towards the front door. Sighing, I slip out of the truck to follow him well aware he really has no desire for my presence.

Fortunately me though, he doesn't fucking control me.

I reached the door in time to hear him start to yell. "What the hell were you thinking Bella?" he roared, startling her from where she was resting on the couch.

"Damn Wade," she replied with an extremely tired tone to her voice. "Do you think you can tone it down?"

"No Bella. I don't fucking think I can fucking tone it fucking down!" He stepped closer to her and I could see no fear in her eyes, just sheer frustration. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Back off, Wade." I stepped in, not really sure why. Bella can obviously take care of herself; she had clearly demonstrated that earlier. But that still did not give him the right to speak to her like that.

He turned and growled at me so low I was sure Bella couldn't hear. I couldn't resist smiling as I goaded him. "Go ahead," I replied just as quietly. "Tell me to leave. See what she says."

"Stop it!" Bella ordered her exhaustion evident as she tried to sit up. Something wasn't right though. My eyes focused on her more deeply as she again tried to sit up.

Wade sunk to his knees beside the couch, running a hand through her hair. "How bad is it Bells?" He whispered.

"I'm fine." She was lying and we both could tell.

"Bella," he warned. I had no clue what was taking place but I was certain I was about to find out.

She sighed, throwing her head back against the edge of the couch forcing air to move deeply through her body. I actually wished I could help her calm herself but that would be ridiculous because calm would be the last thing she would feel from me; she was obviously hurting and she didn't need anymore pain from anything I could send her. When she opened her eyes her brown ones stared deep into mine, locking gazes with me. She took one last deep breath and lifted her shirt to expose her stomach.

"Son of a bitch," I heard someone mutter shaking my head when I realized that voice belonged to me. This had to have come from the blow I watched her receive earlier. But as she stared at me panic flooded her eyes. I nodded my head once assuring her I would not let on that I knew where she received the severe bruise. But, she would answer my questions later, all of my questions.

"What the hell happened?" Wade asked the question I knew the answer to but I was desperate to hear her explanation anyway. His hand brushed across the discolored flesh in front of him and she winced in pain. I had a sudden uncontrollable urge to rip his hands from his arms.

"I ran into John earlier." His eyebrow arched at her answer but he waited for her to continue. Obviously he knew who John was; he had more information than I did. "He had some friends with him. I killed one. One charged me. He and John walked out. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? How can you say this is no big deal? Damn, Bella, you've probably got several broken ribs here. What did he do, get a direct hit on you?"

"More like a direct kick," I muttered behind me. Bella shot me a murderous glare.

"How would you know Whitlock?"

I sighed. I should have just kept my mouth shut. "Look at the size of the print on her stomach. That isn't a hand print; it's a shoe print."

"He kicked you?" Wade was incredulous.

"Yes," she sighed, closing her eyes again obviously working to close out the rest of the world.

"How many times?"

"Just once. We fought some after that but he never got another direct hit."

"This has got to stop, Bella," he admonished.

She shook her head back and forth trying to break in but he continued. "I'm serious, Bella. She is not giving up; she won't give up. You are going to end up getting killed."

"I won't stop, Wade. Not until she is destroyed or at the very least decimated enough to no longer be a threat."

"Maria will never _not_ be a threat," I added breaking into their conversation. Both heads turned in my direction and I almost wished I hadn't spoken. But I continued anyway. "You know I'm right, Wade. She's just as dangerous now as she was a hundred and fifty years ago. Maria has an unquenchable thirst for power and nothing will ever satisfy her. Hell, she could be as powerful as the Volturi and she would still want more."

"Yeah, well you would know about the Volturi, wouldn't you?" Wade interjected with a look of frustration on his face.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything? This isn't about me. It isn't about you. It's about Bella and her apparent desire to stop a previously unstoppable force." I looked pointedly at Bella and I saw her roll her eyes at me.

"What I do with my own life has nothing to do with you, Jasper."

"That's where you're wrong Bella. Your life right now has everything to do with me because of the choices you are making!" I had to get out of here before I did something stupid. So I bolted barely slowing down long enough to open the door.

I ran. I had no need to hunt, no need to feed. But I had to escape. This is crazy; she is crazy. I don't know how she thinks this nonsense can continue to go on or why she is even doing this but it is stupid. Bella is an amazing woman, I'll definitely give her that. There is more about her than I ever realized when I knew her in Forks. But, she is still a human and a human has no business taking on one vampire let alone an army and its creator. She knows how dangerous we can be.

For the first time in five years I consider calling the Cullens. Do they even know what she is doing? Would they even care? Obviously they don't care enough for her which made absolutely no sense to me. Edward and Alice were the heartless ones, everyone else just followed along with whatever they suggested. Obviously they had never told Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, or Rosalie what Bella was up to; I was certain she wouldn't be in this position if they had known.

Standing perfectly still, I let the evening surround me. Darkness was beginning to fall but the Texas sunlight filtered through the trees refusing to go quickly. I moved my head from side to side slowly sucking in the unnecessary air around me. Control was not lost to me this afternoon; it was tightly coiled in my core suffocating any other emotion or desire that even hinted at escape. I made my way back to Bella's. We would have this conversation and I would leave; I needed to leave.

I stalked up the steps to her front porch, unsure of what would await me when I reentered the house. As I stepped across the threshold I realized Wade was gone and Bella was upstairs in the shower. At least it sounded like she was. I could hear the water running as well as the sound of her heart beating. However, knowing about her earlier stunt, I climbed the stairs to stand outside the bathroom. Bella's scent, intensified by the steam, wafted from the room and I could hear her humming softly to herself assuring me she really was behind the door. I couldn't help but smile as I made my way back down the stairs. Had I not known about her hidden technology upstairs I would have been fooled the moment I entered the house.

She joined me on the couch ten minutes later, the heat from her shower still intensely radiating from her body. "I wasn't sure you would come back," she whispered.

"You told me you needed me to come back," I answered purposely twisting her words from earlier to see her reaction. I was not disappointed.

"No," she frowned. "I told you I needed you."

"It's the same thing, isn't it?"

Her head shook back and forth emphatically.

"What do you want from me Bella?"

Silence spanned the distance between us and I could see she was struggling to find the words to answer my question. She wanted assurance, comfort, the calm she thought she knew I could bring. But I wouldn't, couldn't, give it to her. I waited, knowing she would be honest when she finally chose to answer me.

"I don't know, Jasper. I can't explain it."

"Try." None of this would make sense to me if she couldn't voice it. I wasn't even sure why I was still here other than the fact that she asked me to be. But even that did not make sense.

She sighed and I could see her shifting on the couch, straightening her abdomen; I knew she was trying to ease the pain from her earlier stunt. "I guess it is pretty simple when I think about it," she began. "I hate Maria, from what I've heard about your past, you hate her too. I want your help to make her disappear, for good."

"That's twice now you've indicated you know about my past. But I have to wonder if you really do."

"I know more than you think I do, Jasper."

"Tell me." I instructed, almost ordered.

"Does it matter?"

"If we are going to work together Bella, even for a short period of time, I need to know if I can trust you and you need to know if you can trust me." She started to interrupt, no doubt to assure me that she could but I quickly cut her off. "You don't know the real me, Bella. You know the pixified version of me, the Alice Cullen original, and you know what you have heard, but you don't know _me_."

Hesitantly, she reached a hand up, pressing her warmth against my cheek. "I know who you could be. I know how I feel when I'm with you."

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I closed my eyes, shaking my head back and forth thinking about how stupid this whole situation had and could become. "I'm not going to discount what you feel Bella, but I am going to caution you those feelings could be misplaced. I'm not someone you should trust."

"Why don't you let me decide that?" She was adamant, stubborn, and tenacious and I fought back a smile.

"Talk to me. Tell me what you think you know about me and how you came to know it."

"Nope, It's your turn to start." She smiled and flinched again as she fell back against the couch. "I talked first last night and then fell asleep; it's your turn to go first tonight."

Damn. I had promised her last night that I would give her something. I racked my brain trying to come up with a quick story I could pass off so I could get to the conversation I really wanted. But her next words blew that plan out of the water.

"Why can't I feel anything from you Jasper?" She asked, her eyes wide and sincere as she looked at me. She genuinely wanted to know the answer, wanted to know about me.

"Because nothing controls me anymore, not my emotions, not Alice, nothing. I control my life. You don't feel anything because I choose not to feel anything anymore."

"That doesn't make sense. How do you go from feeling everything around you, magnifying it and giving it back to others to not feeling anything at all?"

"Simple. I've closed myself off."

She gasped at the harshness of my tone, my words and asked the one question I didn't want to answer. "Why?"

"You really don't want to hear this story, Bella."

"Don't tell me what I do and do not want to hear you sanctimonious son of a bitch!"

I chuckled slightly at her angered tone. She was so easy to rile up; in another lifetime I really could have had fun with her. "Calm down Darlin'. I only meant that you might not want to hear it because it begins the night of your 18th birthday; I didn't know how comfortable you are with that topic."

"That was a lifetime ago, Jasper."

"Five years, Bella. That's all, just five years."

"It may be just five years, but more has happened to me in that time to equate to multiple times."

My eyebrow arched at her over that. "We will discuss that too, Bella."

She nodded. "I promise. But right now, I want your explanation."

"Fine." I took an unnecessary breath and launched into my story. "I don't know how much you know about the night of your birthday."

"I was there Jasper and I have the scars to remember that night."

"Yes, but do you know the truth, or do you know Edward's version." Her eyes widened and I had my answer. "Bella, I didn't try to kill you that night. Hell, the scent of your blood didn't even initially register with me."

"But you launched yourself at me; you were so desperate to move past Edward and reach me."

"Yes, but not for the reason you think." I sighed and looked down at my hand which had somehow begun to rub circles along the soft skin of her foot and ankle. "The thing that registered with me was the feeling of pain and desperation radiating from the room."

"No one was hurt until I got thrown into the coffee table."

"Edward was."

"No, he wasn't. He was fine. I cut my finger, his eyes blackened, and then you stepped forward. Why am I reliving this, Jasper? You were there."

I ignored her question for the moment. "Think about what you just said. Why would Edward's eyes have blacked before I stepped forward?"

"He read your mind before you moved," she answered weakly, already doubting the answer she had given, the one obviously supplied by Edward.

"Did he?" I scoffed. Talk of Edward's mind reading or Alice's predictions were tiresome. Both were relied on way too much and both were faulty. "Edward didn't read my mind Bella. If he would have taken the time to do so, he would have been warned about what was happening."

"Explain it to me then, Jasper."

"It is simple. What was the one thing Edward was always drawn to about you, almost above anything else?"

Recognition flickered across her face. "My blood," she whispered. "My blood called to him before we first met, after we met, anytime we were together. It called to him that day didn't it?"

"Yes."

"And your desperation towards me was never about draining me, was it?"

"No."

"Did they know?" Her teeth were clenched together and it was obvious she was trying to keep her own anger in check.

"Did who know?" I honestly wasn't sure which family members she was referring to.

"Edward and Alice," she practically roared. "Did. They. Know?"

It was my turn to sigh because this was a question I used to ask myself often. "I honestly don't know, Bella. I think on some level Edward knows, has always known. But I was an easy target, the weakest link. Why make himself look like the aggressor when he can play the martyr?" I couldn't keep the venom out of my voice even if I tried. "Alice and I never spoke after that night and she certainly wasn't up for listening to my side of things."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I was kicked out of the house, out of the family. Alice demanded I leave the house that night and never return."

She was stunned. I actually made Bella speechless, for a moment at least. "Are you fucking tell me they forced you to leave?"

"Yes." My answer was matter of fact, no emotion and I could tell it bothered her.

"There's more to it though isn't there? Your answer still doesn't tell me why you've totally closed yourself from all emotions."

"I haven't closed myself off from all emotions Bella; I still allow one."

"Which one."

"The only one I felt that night. The only emotion I've ever felt powerful enough to drop me to my knees. Pain. I felt enough pain that night to last me several lifetimes."

"How? Edward couldn't have been hurting that bad and my physical pain never really registered with you."

"Bella, everyone was in pain that night. You hurt, Edward hurt, the rest of the family hurt, even I hurt. That much hurting and anger revolved around itself so much and it created an enormous amount of pain."

"What about Alice?"

I winced and I know she noticed. "What about her?"

"You didn't mention her in your litany of those who hurt."

"No, I didn't." How could I even voice what happened with Alice when I don't even understand it myself? "Alice hurt; she was in pain unlike anything I had ever seen. She had just watched her best friend almost become the next family meal and as far as she was concerned, it was because of her husband. She was furious." The movement of my fingers on her ankle continued softening the conversation, giving me something delicate to hold onto as I continued. "She murdered someone that night."

"No!" Bella gasped. "Alice wouldn't do that, she couldn't have done that."

"She did, Bella. I saw the proof with my own eyes. Alice fled right after the present incident. She came back hours later with the proof tinged in her eyes." I still remembered the look on her face at that moment; it would be forever etched in my memory.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would she go out and kill someone? That doesn't sound like Alice and it doesn't make sense."

"None of that night made sense, Bella. Alice explained, as much as you can call yelling an explanation, that she was hurting so much she had to release some of that pain, some of that aggression. When we hunt, it acts as a release."

"So, you're telling me that Alice murdered another human being because she was upset and needed to let loose on something?"

"Yes"

"And this lack of control, she blamed it on you?"

"It happens, Bella. I do that when I hunt."

"Oh I get the release, Jasper. I really do." She was fighting back a smile and I couldn't for the life, or unlife, of me figure out why. But then, she lost it. First she began chuckling and before I knew it she was completely immersed in full out laughter.

"What the hell are you laughing at Isabella?" I used her full name, trying to ground her back in the reality we were currently in but she continued laughing, straining against the injuries of her body in her laughter.

"Don't be angry, Jasper." I rolled my eyes at her suggestion I might actually feel an emotion.

"Seriously, Bella. Stop." I ordered gruffly. "You're going to hurt yourself." I watched her wince again as she lay back against the couch situating her feet back in my lap.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, really I am." She seemed sincere enough as she searched for my forgiveness. I simply closed my eyes and she continued. "Seriously though, do you realize how completely and utterly ridiculous that is? Alice murders a human being simply because she was in 'pain'? I don't buy it."

"Pain can make you do crazy things, Bella."

"Yes, it can. Believe me, I know. But even when you are in pain you are still very much in control of your choices."

"And when were you in such a state that you would even have any idea how Alice felt?"

Her eyes darkened almost immediately and it was obvious she was being transported to some memory. "You have no idea what I've been through," she whispered through clenched teeth.

"Enlighten me." I realized as I shard my story with her that I wanted, no needed, to hear all of hers. This moment felt comfortable, right. The world lost to us; in the moment it was only Jasper and Bella and I wanted that to last.

"I thought it was my turn to ask the questions." She smiled but I could tell she was still hesitant.

"It was. Now it is my turn."

"Fine," she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest but immediately pulling back when they touched her bruise. "Bt you have to promise me something."

"I don't make promises I can't keep."

"You can keep this, Jasper. All I want you to do is think."

I arched my eyebrow. "That's it, just think?"

"Yes. Please think about what I've said. You are not responsible for Alice's choices." I started to protest but as she glared at me I shut up. "Alice is a big girl, Jasper; she makes her own decisions and is responsible for those actions. I will not discount that she may have been hurting but it was unforgiveable of her to blame those choices on you. If there is one thing I learned about Alice Cullen it is that she is the Master of Choices, even being responsible for altering other peoples' at times. You are not at fault, Jasper. Think about that."

Her face was so sincere and I could feel the pain roll in my core trying to force its way out of my body in an effort to make room for her emotions to filter in. I could practically taste the urge to let her in. But I refused to let the pain out. I told myself it was because I didn't want to expose her to the pain, but it was more than that. I didn't want to lose what precious little control I have over my life.

"Why am I here, Bella?"

"I thought you wanted answers." Her answer was simple and it should have satisfied me, but it didn't.

"No. Why am I here now with you in your home."

She didn't answer me but pressed her foot against my thigh, silently pleading with me to continue rubbing her foot. I complied immediately and she relaxed back against the couch. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. How is this okay with you?"

"I don't know how to answer that Jasper, because I don't know what the answer is."

"You obviously have some reason though." I was pressing her and I knew it. But, I had to know her answer because her answer might provide me with some clarity.

She sighed and winced again as she moved to sit up. "I don't really know Jasper, I just know that I want you here with me. I feel connected to you in so many ways, our hatred for Maria, our mutual disdain for Alice and Edward, our dysfunctional relationship with the rest of the Cullens. I know so much about you and I want you to know just as much about me. Does that make sense?"

I nodded my head but my mind was still swimming. Our connection made sense and every link she pointed to was accurate. But there was something else there. She continued.

"I don't know why, Jasper, but I feel safe with you."

"Don't feel safe with me, Bella." I ordered. "And don't make the mistake of trusting me. Nobody else does."

"You're wrong, Jasper. Your crew trusts you, Aro trusts you, it only makes sense for me to trust you."

"How they hell do you know about any of them?" I whispered.

"Tell you what, Jasper. It's only 8:00. Let me make something to eat and find something to take the edge off this." She pointed to her stomach as she tried to stand. "I'll tell you my whole story after that. Then you can decide what you want to do."

I nodded my head as she stood already knowing what I would do. I would hear her story and as soon as I got the information I wanted, I would leave. It's what I needed to do and it is what was best for me. I was sure of that.

**As always, please review. I live for your opinions and always try to respond to each of them. Now, I'm off to review many of the chapters I've been unable to read/review the past few weeks.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:**

**As always, I am humbled by your reviews. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. It is part one of Bella's story. She has so much to say that I've broken it into two parts.**

**I plan to try and go back to reply to each of your lovely reviews. However, I am still working in Safe Mode and I never know when it is going to work for me. I decided you would all probably choose to have another update over specific review replies. I hope I guessed right.**

**I still own nothing related to Twilight!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

Twenty minutes later, Bella returned to the couch curling up at the end while eating her dinner. I couldn't help but wrinkle my nose in disgust. "How in the world can you stand to eat that foul smelling farce called food?"

She looked at me and laughed, the smile reaching her eyes. "This coming from the man who drinks blood for breakfast lunch and dinner! Seriously, Jasper, it's soup and a sandwich."

"It's tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich to be exact and it smells horrible." She laughed again as she adjusted the bag of ice resting against her stomach. I chose to ignore it for now even though it was bothering me more than it should.

"Speaking of eating habits, how is it that you are able to sit here so comfortably with me now?"

"We've already established that my control is better than everyone else thought," I begin and she looks thoroughly chastised. I could stop right here, but I can't leave her feeling guilty. "As with my emotions though, I have learned to completely control my thirst for human blood."

"How?"

"By applying the same concept to feeding," I looked at her pointedly, knowing she will get the idea. She is a smart woman.

"You indulge," she whispered, realization flooding her eyes.

"Yep." I watched her as she stared at me, a wary look forming in her eyes. "Yes, I drink human blood on occasion. Yes, it helps me stay in control. No, I have not killed anyone and I don't plan on it."

Silence stretched between us. One second turned into many; I had no idea what she was feeling, what she was thinking. "Do you want me to leave, Bella?"

"What? No." She fumbled her words, clearly at a loss of how to respond. "I'm just trying to process everything you just said."

"What's there to process? Control is simple, or so I've finally learned. For me to be in control, I have to let loose every now and then."

"Kind of like being on a diet?"

"Huh?" That was a new analogy.

"Think about it. They always say that if you completely abstain from all sugar when you are trying to lose weight you will crave it more and more; but with a little indulgence in the sweet stuff every once and a while, you don't."

I nodded my head and couldn't help but smile. "I can't say I've ever really been compared to a human diet before, but yes, that's about right." I paused for a few moments, staring at her as she continued to eat. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"Why would it?" She stared back at me, seemingly gazing past my eyes and into me. I couldn't answer.

Quickly she stood and returned to the kitchen, cleaning her mess and putting the leaking bag of ice back in the freezer. I waited for her to sit back down on the couch. It was time, no more stalling. Bella would tell her story.

But, she didn't return.

Finally, I headed to the kitchen, searching her out. "Bella?"

Her back was to me, her palms resting against the counter. I knew she was hurting and it was one more reason to get this conversation over with. I needed to learn the information, pass it back to Aro, possibly destroy Maria and let Bella get on with her life. But in order to do that, she had to talk.

"Bella?" I tried again, stepping closer to her, so close I could feel the heat radiating from her back and searing into my chest.

She turned around then and I fought an urge to place my palms on the counter, encircling her in my arms. "Have you ever been canoeing?" She asked.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know. It's this small boat that floats on the water. Often times it holds two people."

"Smart ass!"

"Yep!" She replied, her humor lighting up her eyes.

"What the hell does a canoe have to do with anything? It's your turn to talk now."

"Get me out of here and I'll tell you everything."

"Isabella," I warned, certain she was stalling again.

"I'm not stalling, I promise. I just don't know if and when we'll have any visitors tonight. I don't want to be interrupted."

Wade. She didn't want to be interrupted by Wade. Although she didn't say his name, I knew exactly who she was talking about. "And what does me getting you out of here have to do with canoeing?"

"There's a lake in the park you hunted in with a simple launch. I hate going by myself."

"You want me to take you to a lake?"

"Yep."

"In the middle of the park?"

"Uh huh."

"To go canoeing late at night?"

"Haven't we covered this already?" She sighed but I could still see the laughter on her face.

I motioned to her hand pressed against her stomach. "Are you sure you should go?"

"Don't tell me what to do, Whitlock." She tried to growl at me and it was actually pretty damn funny.

My hands flew up towards my shoulders open to her. "I'm just saying."

"Shut up and put me on your back." I arched my eyebrow at her demand but she just continued. "We're running."

"Bella."

"Jasper." Damn, she was irritating when mocking me.

"Fine, but you asked for it." I pulled her to me, swinging her onto my back as gently as I could. The heat scorched my body and I was shocked at how welcoming it was to me. Almost immediately, my ears rang with her soft moan as she pressed herself further against my back. I realized as we took off that she was using me as her own personal block of ice against her ribs, but suddenly, I couldn't find myself caring.

We flew into the night, the moon radiating soft light through the trees. I could feel the heat of the Texas night as she melted against me and I lost myself in the moment. Since I became a vampire, Texas had never truly held any good memories for me, but here, now, would be forever burned into my memory. Bella leaned closer, if that was even possible, as she whispered directions into my ear. There was no reason to be particularly quiet, but we were and together we practically blended into the forest.

All too soon though, we reached the small launch. "You weren't kidding. There really isn't anything to this."

"No. You actually have to reserve a canoe to even come out here, but I never do." She made no move to disentangle herself from me so I didn't either.

"Why not?"

"I only come at night. Typically I ride my bike out here. It's quiet and I can think."

"Which canoe?"

She pointed and I headed over, knowing I was going to do all of the rowing tonight. It's not like it was any big deal to me. "You know you do have to move if you want to get on with this, right?"

She sighed. "I know but you just feel so damn good."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Come on, darlin'" I disentangled her limbs from around me and placed her in the canoe. After pushing us down the launch, I jumped in beside her and started rowing. Before any real time had passed, we were floating quietly in the middle of the lake. I watched as she tried to get comfortable and found myself thinking what a stupid idea this was. But, I had to remind myself that it was her call to come out here. The longer she waited, the more of a delay I would have in getting my information. "Bella," I called out, her eyes on mine. "Turn around and scoot back."

Without hesitation, she followed my directions, scooting back until she was rested against my chest. I brought my hands up over her stomach, my fingers once again cooling the heated skin of her injury and she let out a soft moan. "Feel good?"

"You have no idea, Jasper." The canoe swayed and the moon sent soft beams of light as I held her in silence. I didn't have to feel anything to realize how serene this moment was. It just felt right. I'm not sure how long we stayed that way, but eventually, I felt Bella tense; I knew she was about to start. "I know you want to hear about how I know your history, but it would be easier for me to start after my birthday. Do you know anything that happened after that night?"

I shook my head no. "I only know that when Edward came back after dropping you off I felt the strongest amount of resolve from him that I've ever felt."

"And pain?"

"That was a given."

"I thought as much. After that night, he became very withdrawn. He didn't talk much, at home, at school; he no longer spent the evenings with me."

"Melodramatic much?" Edward's drama had been tiresome to me for sixty years and I no longer hesitated to let it be known.

Bella laughed, the sound vibrating against my chest. "Stop that!" She ordered. "Do you want to know this story or not?"

"Fine, I'll be good. For now."

"Thank you. Although you are right, your brother," she began, but my growl cut her off. "Okay, former brother was very much into the drama."

We both chuckled at that and before I long I was completely drawn into her story as she told me what happened after Edward left. She told me small bits the other night, but hearing it now, in such detail simply captivated me. She had been so decimated then, withdrawing completely into herself. Over time she began to attempt more and more extreme and dangerous activities, she claimed, in an attempt to feel closer to him.

"Let me guess," I asked. "That is when you rode your first bike you told me about last night?"

"Yes, sir. My friend Jake and I rebuilt two of them, one for me and one for him."

"Jake? He was the dog you mentioned?"

"No. Jake is not a dog." She angled her head to glare at me. "He is a warewolf and a friend of mine.

"One of the Quilette protectors, I assume?"

"Mmm Hmm," she answered, snuggling back into my chest obviously satisfied with my reaction, or lack thereof. "He helped me heal, bringing light and life into my otherwise dark world. But, I still missed Edward. More than anything, I think it was the way in which he left me that hurt so much. I had no closure, no ending. He and the family were here one day and completely gone the next. I hated ya'll for that."

"I can imagine. I know what it feels like to be completely unwanted by people I thought were my family."

"That's the thing I realized though, Jasper. They did want me; they just trusted Edward and his choices more."

"Humph. Typical."

"I thought they were gone forever. And I did one of my most daring excursions yet."

"Was that the cliff diving, Darlin?" I whispered against her ear trying not to imagine her in a swimsuit on the edge of a cliff.

"I jumped and damn it was exhilarating. I told you last night you have no idea of the rush a human can get from that. Unfortunately, Alice saw it and thought I was trying to kill myself. We later realized her visions went blank whenever the wolves were around and since Jake was the one who pulled me out of the water, she saw nothing. She thought I died and Rosalie was stupid enough to tell Edward."

"Let me guess? Drama boy just couldn't live without you and ran off to Italy to be killed."

"Pretty much."

"Fucktard!" I exclaimed while rolling my eyes.

Bella bit back a laugh. "What?"

"Sorry. It's the name that Emmett and I used to describe Edward when he went into one of his ridiculously 'woe is me' stupid modes."

She was laughing, full out laughter, and it was because of me. "That is seriously the funniest thing I have heard in quite some time!"

"Glad I could be of assistance." Feeling Bella shake in hilarity against me, I bit back a smile myself.

"Anyway," she gulped a breath of air to force the laughter away. "_Edward_ tried to kill himself in Italy and Alice and I arrived just in time to save him. He was going to step into the light in the plaza, forcing Aro to order him dead. But, his actions weren't without ramifications. I was forced, along with Edward and Alice, to have an audience with Aro."

"You mentioned that last night."

Again she turned to look at me. "I know you seem to have some understanding with the guy, but seriously, the dude is just weird."

"He has his quirks, Bella; but, he is loyal."

"I guess. He hasn't come after me yet."

"Why would he?"

"I told you last night. Edward promised to change me. Do I look like a vampire to you?"

"Smart Ass!" I poked her in the side, gently though so I wouldn't hurt her ribs.

"Haven't we already established that?" She picked my hands back up and laced her fingers above mine as she drew both hands back to her stomach. "Were you really in Italy during this time?"

"I was. I'm surprised I didn't know you were there, didn't smell you. Of course, if that was only a few months after your birthday, I hadn't been there long and I really wasn't in to socializing. I was just learning how to control my emotions as well as my bloodlust."

"Do you think Alice and Edward knew?"

"I don't know Bella." My cheek was so near to hers as I spoke and her scent intoxicated me in a way no other scent ever had before. I didn't hunger for it, but I couldn't imagine not having it near and I knew how wrong that was. "I really don't know. I can't imagine that Edward wouldn't have picked up on at least one of my thoughts. More than that though, I can't imagine that Alice couldn't sense me."

"Does that bother you?"

"Alice? Not any more. She is just someone I used to know in another lifetime. I'm fine without her, without any of them."

"Fine, but not happy."

"I don't need to be happy, Bella. I just need to be in control."

"Can't you be both?" She didn't try to look at me this time but I could hear the sadness in her words.

"Not anymore."

She squeezed my fingers tighter, pressing my hands directly under her breasts as she moved them in an effort to cool more of her skin. "Things were never the same after we returned from Italy."

"What changed?"

"Everything and nothing."

"You realize that makes no sense, right?"

"I know," she sighed. "But it is true. He was so controlling when we returned. I don't remember him being like that before Italy, but I'm pretty sure he was."

"He was," I nodded, feeling the skin of her cheek under mine.

"I thought so. But, I was so in love with him, Jasper, particularly before Italy. I would have done anything for him. But while he was gone, I changed. I matured, I explored, I learned a different way to live. When he came back, I wasn't the same and he wasn't willing to allow that.

"We fought, all of the time. Edward hated Jacob, going as far as refusing to allow me to see him. I tried to sneak off one night and Alice realized my future disappeared, alerting both of them to my intentions of seeing Jacob. Edward, of course, overreacted and took a component from my engine keeping me from going."

"Damn meddling Pixie," I muttered, surprised when Bella laughed. I hadn't thought she could hear me.

"I do believe I've called her that a time or two myself. But, Alice promised me she wouldn't make a decision for me based on a vision again."

"Something tells me that didn't work."

"How did you know?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's Alice." We sat in silence for a few moments. "What happened next, Bella?"

She took a deep breath. "This is where it starts to get interesting." As if I wasn't interested in absolutely everything she had been saying. "Victoria came back."

"Victoria? As in James and Victoria?"

"One and the same."

"I told Edward he should have gone after her. She and James were closer than they let on"

"Yes, they were. She was bent on destroying me – a mate for a mate she called it."

"I hate that term." As soon as I said it I wished I could have taken it back. This really was not something I wanted to explain at the moment. But, knowing Bella, she wouldn't let it go.

"What term?"

I sighed. "Mate."

"Mate?"

"Yes, mate. What are we, sailors? I know many refer to us as animals, but seriously. Mate?"

She laughed again, just as she surprised me again. "Want to know a secret?"

"In case I haven't learned enough yet?" I couldn't help but reply sarcastically with her. This was a common ground for the both of us, a game we seemed to play.

"I hate that term too. I've always thought it was just plain weird." She elbowed me, or at least tried to, but I held her tight against me. "But, anyways," she continued. "Victoria built an army of newborns to come after me."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I was incredulous. Never would I have pegged Victoria as being gutsy enough, or even smart enough, to try and pull something like that off.

"Nope. She used Seattle as her home base and turned about thirty." She shivered and I wasn't sure if it was because of me or because of the memory. But, as I wrapped my arms around her tighter, and she stopped shivering, I decided on the latter. "Actually, she didn't turn all of them; she only turned one. He turned the others."

"Sounds like someone else I know." I replied, the reality of my words sinking in the moment I spoke them out loud. Bella waited, knowing I would put the pieces together. "Really?"

"Yes," she answered, giving my hands another squeeze. "It's not like Victoria was smart enough to figure out how to build a solid army on her own."

"Was she there?"

"Not at first. Alice got a vision of a battle in the clearing we played baseball in. Her visions would change as Victoria changed her mind. As soon as we realized her intent, the family began to train, but we all knew it wouldn't be enough. Conversations were had, decisions were made and the wolves agreed to fight with the Cullens.

"I will never forget that night, Jasper. It was the first time I had been exposed to large scale fighting like that, and it was because of me."

"You do know it wasn't exactly your fault, don't you?"

She sighed and, if possible, sank further into me. "I do, now. Then, I struggled with that idea constantly. Victoria was destroyed, as was most of the army. The Volturri showed up shortly after the battle was over and rendered their judgment on the rest of them."

I knew that job well; I was the enforcer of their judgments. But, Bella continued before I could think of that too much further. "Part of me wonders if they really deserved it. Sure, they had tried to kill all of us, but could they really be blamed. They had been created for death, given no instructions on responsibility."

"That doesn't sound like her." I had always given the instructions, trained the newborns, ensured they knew the rules.

"But it wasn't her training the army; it was Victoria. The Volturri didn't hesitate, they didn't care that maybe with proper training the newborns could change their ways. They killed them and turned their attention to us."

"They were surprised by you." I surmised. I worked with them, for them, long enough to know that Aro didn't like to be disappointed and he didn't like to be surprised.

"Yes, they were. They were under the impression that I would have been turned by then. Edward and Alice assured them it was going to happen as soon as Edward and I were married."

Married? Bella actually agreed to marry Edward? "Hmm. How did they take that news?"

"Surprisingly well. Aro apparently has great faith in the Cullens."

"That he does. He trusts Carlisle, and by proxy, the rest of the family."

"Does that still include you?" It was an honest question, and one I wasn't quite sure I had the answer to.

"I don't know, Bella. In his eyes, both of their eyes, I will probably always be a Cullen."

"And in yours?"

"In mine, I'm Jasper, just Jasper."

"That seems awful lonely," she replied softly, sweeping her thumbs across the tops of my hands.

"It's never bothered me before." I answered honestly, although I couldn't deny that suddenly a part of me agreed with her. "Does Aro know?'

"That I'm still human?"

"No, that you're a monkey!" I couldn't help it because the feel of her body against mine as she laughed was something I wanted to feel again. "Of course that you are still human."

"I don't know. I really don't. Edward and I broke up before the wedding and I left shortly after that. I'm not sure what was ever said to Aro."

I inhaled a shaky breath and she tensed, knowing, anticipating, what I would say next. "I have to tell him. You know that, right?"

"I figured as much."

"Bella," I grabbed her shoulders, turning her sideways and draping her legs across mine. "I have based everything I am now off of loyalty and honesty. He gave me a chance when those I cared about most, my family, turned their backs on me. I have to tell him."

She reached a soft hand up, pressing her palm against my cheek. "Jasper," she began, staring deeply into my eyes, looking so intently I felt as if I might catch fire myself. "I knew your connections before I told you this story and more than that, I've always known your sense of loyalty. You tell him, be honest. I am prepared to accept whatever comes my way."

"But you realize you could die?" My fingers seemed to move of their own volition as they swept across her cloth covered thighs. I could feel the heat from under the terribly thin fabric. "God, Bella. I could be the one to have to kill you."

"I trust you," she replied simply, her thumb mimicking my motions but against my cheek.

"And, I told you not to do that!" I couldn't help the roughness that filled my throat, the pain threatening to spill over. "We need to get out of here." I need to get out of here. This was too much, too real, more than I wanted to face. I grabbed the oars and rowed towards the shore, relishing the feel of my body tearing against the pressure of the water.

As we reached the shore, I helped Bella step from the boat. "Let's walk back to the house," she requested, as if I would deny her anything at this point.

"Bella," I started, unsure of what to say.

"It's only a few miles. If I get tired you can carry me."

She made it sound so simple, so easy. But, this was the most non-simple thing I've ever encountered. "Bella," I began again and again she cut me off.

"Don't you want the rest of the story, the rest of the information?"

"Bella," I was more emphatic this time, but my voice sounded so unsure.

"Jasper," she turned stepped closer to me, drawing her arms around my neck pulling me in a tight hug against her. "It's okay. Tell him," she said again the same as before. "Be honest. I'm _truly_ ready for whatever fate has in store for me."

I couldn't resist drawing her closer in the hug, her body perfect against mine. I bent my head down, burying my nose in her hair, pressing it against the warm crevice between her neck and her shoulder. "What if I'm not?" I whispered, so quiet I was sure she couldn't understand me.

But, again, she surprised me. "You will be," she whispered back, refusing to let go.

**Part two, the walk home, will contain more of Bella's story. **

**Please review and let me know what you think. Favorite lines? Favorite parts? What works, what doesn't? Any questions? Let me know!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:**

**As always I'm am amazed and honored by your reviews! Thank you so, so very much!!!**

**So, here is part two of Bella's night. I hope this answers some of your questions.**

**I know I haven't responded to reviews like I did at the beginning, but I am reading every one and keeping a list of your questions so I can make sure I try to answer them as the story goes on. I've officially had enough of working in safe mode!!! The computer is going into the shop today. I will log on occasionally through borrowed computers, but more importantly for you, I will write by hand as I wait for it to come back. **

**Please leave reviews so I can know what you think when I log in on borrowed computers! I'm curious to hear your responses for this chapter.**

Bella stepped away from my embrace, running her fingers down my arm, and setting her hand to rest in mine. "Come on," she tugged and I moved willingly.

"So what happened next?" I asked as we walked slowly in the direction of the house. Normally I would have hated moving at a human's pace and we were walking even slower now, but surprisingly it didn't bother me. Our fingers were laced together keeping us connected as we walked.

"Everything was just so different after the battle. I was so relieved and so guilty all at the same time."

"Typical Bella, always taking the world on her shoulders."

"I do seem to have that affliction, don't I?" She flashed a smile at me. "No one was injured that night, but everything seemed to change."

"Like what?"

"I kissed Jake that night before the fight broke out."

I couldn't help the grimace from forming on my face as my lips curled up. "You do realize that is disgusting, don't you?"

"Like I have haven't kissed a vampire before? They are both mythical and dangerous creatures."

"Yes, but seriously Bella, a dog? Did you really have to sample the doggy breath?"

"Hush!" She snarled and I actually laughed.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll be good. Go ahead."

"Anyways," she continued, stressing the word out of irritation to me. "I knew Jake was into me, and there was a part of me that desired the lightness and honesty he brought into my life. But, I loved Edward. I loved his world, his presence. I loved the family. I couldn't choose between the two of them easily and that should have been a warning for me that things weren't meant to be. Love shouldn't be hard."

"No, it shouldn't." I flashed back to the years I had with Alice. I loved her deeply but constantly fought my nature to keep her happy.

"But I chose that night, I chose Edward. It killed Jake and he was absolutely furious."

"Fury and a new wolf don't exactly make a good mix."

"Not really. And Edward being Edward, he forbids me to see Jacob again. I knew if I could just see Jake, talk to him, and persuade him that I was happy, he would relax. But, the more Edward kept me from him, the angrier he became. And Alice with her damn visions! I hate those things."

"It's not like she gets them when they matter," I mumbled and Bella smirked. "What did the pixie do?" I asked.

"You remember I told you Alice's visions got fuzzy when the wolves were involved?" I nodded my head and she continued. "Every time I would decide to see Jake, I disappeared from Alice's visions; Edward would always find out and we would argue. One night, I was at home and Jake and I had an argument on the phone because, once again, Edward had forbidden me to go to La Push. Jake was furious when he hung up on me."

She stole a glance at me but I remained silent, letting her tell her story at her own pace. "He phased and took off to come and see me. He just wanted to talk. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. All I knew was that one moment I was sitting in my room, ready for bed, and the next moment, I was on Edward's back and we were flying through the night. I asked him why he was there and he said he missed me and wanted to see me. I didn't know how much a lie that was at the time.

"Jake burst into the house and tore up to my room," her voice quickly got quieter, and I could hear the emotion laced in every word. As had become normal over the past two day, I ached to sample her emotions and see what she was really feeling. I knew she was being honest with her story but I just felt a need to feel what she was feeling. But, as had also been the norm for the past five years, I refused. "He just wanted to talk to me," she kept going, "but Edward wouldn't give him that chance."

"He loved you."

"Loving someone doesn't give you the right to control them!"

"You won't find me disagreeing with that, Bella."

"Everything would have turned out so different if Alice simply wouldn't have meddled in my life with her damn visions."

"What happened?"

She stopped talking and leaned against a tree, her head down. "I don't know the details," she whispered, "but it was horrific. I don't think I've ever actually seen that much blood."

In that moment, the light went out in her eyes. "Charlie," I quickly surmised.

"Mm hm," she replied, not looking at me, her eyes focused on the ground. "Jacob never meant to hurt him; he never meant to hurt anyone. All he wanted to do was see me, talk to me, but your damned, arrogant ass of a brother wouldn't give him the chance."

"You realize that could have been you, right?"

She shook her head no. "He wouldn't have hurt me. If I had been there, if Edward hadn't taken me away, I would have been able to talk to him. He was so angry when he realized he missed me by just a few moments. All I know is that Charlie came up the stairs to see what the commotion was," she paused.

"And, he killed him," I finished for her, positive she was headed in that direction.

"No. Jake didn't kill Charlie." I looked at her surprised. "He mauled him, and Charlie ended up in the hospital, but he didn't kill him."

"Did you walk in on them?"

"No. I found out later, much later."

"But if Edward hadn't gotten that far, surely he would have heard Charlie screaming." I knew Bella may not have heard everything, but Edward certainly would have. It didn't make any sense to me as to why he wouldn't go back.

"He heard him."

"And the son of a bitch was so insecure that he wouldn't go back?"

"Couldn't, Jasper. We couldn't go back. We were detained by an old acquaintance of yours."

Fuck. So, this was how she truly met Maria. I couldn't help but want to shoulder my responsibility in all of this. Surely Maria had known I was in Forks, close to the Cullens. "What did she do?" I asked.

Bella sighed and picked up a branch off the ground, slowly tearing pieces of the leaves off and watching them as they fell to the ground. "Nothing at first. She confronted us, Edward and I. Before long, Alice was there as well. Maria admitted to her part in working with Victoria and said she came to Forks to find out what happened to her and to see you. Alice informed her you were gone for the moment but she said she already realized that. Maria was actually headed away from Forks when she caught my scent mixed with Edwards."

"The unattainable, Maria always did desire that."

"So I gathered. But with both Alice and Edward there to protect me, and with the knowledge that the rest of the family was on its way, she chose to leave. She said she had no quarrel with the Cullens, or with me, and she left."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. She didn't really want to be there in Forks. Once Alice convinced her you were gone, she wanted to leave. She didn't get far though."

"What do you mean?"

"Jake's pack came after him. I'm not sure if you know this, but when they are in wolf form, their thoughts flow between each other."

"They can read each others' minds?" That had to be fucking irritating. I lived with one mind reader and could not imagine living with a whole pack of them.

"Only when they are phased. That's how they knew about Charlie. Jake's mind was screaming at them as he realized what he'd done and they were trying to get to both of them. But, as they got closer to the house, they caught our scent."

"And Maria's."

"Yes. She's actually the one that drew them in. The pack split and the stronger ones went to the house, assuming they would have a harder time with Jake and Charlie. Even now, I wish I could make them go back and change that decision."

Silence spanned the distance between us. I knew she wasn't finished just as I knew there was no need to ask any questions. I knew she would finish when she was ready and after a few moments she took a breath and I saw her decision to continue before she spoke. "She killed Quil."

"Who?"

"Quil was one of the newest wolves in the pack. He was so young Jasper, still naïve enough to be excited about becoming a wolf. And, he was such a good friend to me through everything with Edward and Jacob."

"Did he attack her?"

"No. He knew enough to go cautiously. But, she realized he was there and didn't give him a chance. Edward and I got to their location in time for me to watch the bitch destroy him.

"I was devastated, Jasper. He didn't ask to be a wolf; all he did was try and protect me. God Jasper! She didn't just kill him, she completely mutilated him; it was as if she enjoyed every moment."

I didn't have to be there to know the answer to that rhetorical statement. Maria loved killing, the more violent, the better. "She did," I replied simply.

"I know that now."

"What happened to Charlie, Bella?" At my mention of his name she resumed her shredding of the leaves on the branch. In the only way I knew how to calm her, I closed the distance between us, taking the branch from her and tossed it to the ground. I wound my fingers around hers to still her hands. As she looked into my eyes I could see the devastation and grief swirling in the pools of unshed tears.

Before I could even stop her, she slid down the tree, ignoring the pain I knew her side was still in as she drew her knees up and rested her chin on the top of them. "He lost so much blood. By the time he arrived at the emergency room, they knew they would have to give him a blood transfusion. No one could have predicted what happened to him. "

"What was that?" I knelt down in front of her, trying desperately to keep myself from grabbing onto her and holding her in my arms. For the first time since I had returned to Houston, she looked tired and fragile.

"He had an allergic reaction. A fucking allergic reaction to blood. Isn't that just fucking ironic?" She spat the words, but I saw no anger in her eyes, only loneliness. "The idea was so preposterous I was sure the doctors were making it up to cover a mistake. But when I saw the swelling around his blue lips, I knew they weren't."

"Bella," I whispered, but she forged on, too lost in her story to hear me.

"But I was oblivious. I was standing in a field, fighting with Edward over Jacob again, watching a friend of mine be torn to shreds by that bitch you call a maker and never even knew what was happening." She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling, but a second later there were too many. "I didn't even get to say goodbye. Charlie was dead before anyone even told me what happened." The tears spilled over leaving trails down her cheeks.

"Oh Darlin," I whispered, no longer able to keep myself from holding her. I kept telling myself I just needed her to be calm so she could finish her story and get to the part that led her here. But, the reality was, I just wanted to hold her. So I did. I sat down beside her, my arm going around her waist as she leaned into me. I don't know how long we sat there, 5 minutes, 10? All I knew was that I was calming her, actually calming her, soothing her without using any sort of power at all. It was fucking amazing.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed a while later.

"For what, darlin?"

"I haven't cried about that since the day I buried Charlie." Her answer was simple, but it cut me to the core.

"You can't grieve for someone in one day, Bella. Didn't anyone help? Jake? Edward? The family?"

"What could they do, Jasper? Jake was torn up. He still blames himself for what happened. Edward tried to get me to move in with the family but I couldn't be around him or Alice. I hated them for what happened that night. Part of me still does."

"That's understandable."

"Is it? Because Edward and Alice didn't seem to think so. They went on and on about how life happens, and how at least Charlie was spared from having to watch his daughter eventually die."

"Mother fucking selfish bastards," I muttered quietly, but once again, she caught me.

"I couldn't agree more. I was so angry at Alice for not minding her own damn business and not staying out of my future. Then, there was Edward who refused to let me make a decision for myself. Because of them, I was out of the house when Jake showed up. Because of them, a friend was viciously killed by Maria. Because of them, I was away from my father when he died. And they just sat there and tried to convince me it was for the best.

"I yelled, and ranted and raved but all I really wanted was for someone who loved me to hold me and just let me cry. No one did Jasper."

"Some would say we aren't wired that way."

"But you did. You sat here and held me allowing the tears to fall that should have been spilled years ago." She whispered, pulling herself closer against my side, her cheek resting on my chest.

I couldn't respond to that. It just seemed like the right thing to do; instead I chose to let it go. "Is that when you left?"

She nodded her head, causing friction where her cheek rubbed up and down on my chest. I trembled underneath her touch. "I couldn't stay with them anymore, not after that. There were so many promises broken, so much anger. Edward couldn't understand. He showed up as I packed the few things from my room I wanted to take. Alice had seen a vision of me leaving and he came to try and stop me. I couldn't even get him to understand that very reaction from both of them, her visions and his reaction to them, was what caused me to leave in the first place.

"He tried to follow me but I stopped him at my truck. I told him if he loved me, like he claimed he did, then he had to let me go. No more visions from Alice, no more interference from him. I reminded him he had once asked me to try to move on and forget him, live life as a human. That life is what I chose that day."

I gave her a small hug and bit back a smile. "Yeah, huh, how's that 'normal human' thing working out for you?"

She laughed at the sarcasm in my voice and pulled herself away from me, looking at me expectantly. "What can I say, _Jazzy_? Normal doesn't do it for me."

"Jazzy? Are you serious?" Visions of an annoying pixie filtered through my mind.

"Not really. I rank that up there with mate, but it was hysterical to watch the look on your face."

"You think you're funny, don't you?"

"You have no idea." She stood, dusting the leaves and grass from her pants and reached her hand out towards mine. "Come on Jasper. We're about halfway home and I know there is still more you want to hear."

"Are you sure?" For the first time, I wasn't sure if I was ready for her to continue. Something felt so right about us spending time together like this and I knew what would happen when I had the information I needed. But she nodded and I took her hand, letting her appear to pull me off the ground.

"I left and spent a few months with my Mom and Phil in Arizona. It was wonderful being back in the heat and sunshine. I spent almost every moment possible out in the sun. When Phil and Mom left to go back on the road, I left to and headed to Texas."

"I have to say, I can't say I ever pictured you here."

"I know, but it's wonderful isn't it? I love it here. Although, I didn't spend much time in the Houston area at first. I enrolled in college, as everyone wanted me to."

"Where at?"

"Texas A&M."

"Bella as an Aggie, huh?" She grinned as I picked up her hand. "I don't see the infamous Aggie ring though. I thought you guys never took that thing off."

She sighed and laced her fingers with mine again as we continued strolling. "I didn't get to finish. After almost a year, I left. Do you know anything about the Dixie Chicken?"

"I lived in Texas for quite some time, Bella. I'm pretty sure I know more about the Dixie Chicken then you do." She flashed me a grin.

"I forgot about that for a minute. Okay, so you know, famous College Station landmark, wonderful atmosphere, great place to play bones and have a beer."

"I don't know about the last one."

"So, no beer for you. But, definitely a place to play bones."

"Yes, but what does this have to do with why you left?"

She took a deep breath and I could feel her fingers tighten in stressful anticipation. "You know the alley beside The Chicken?"

"Bottle cap alley?"

"Mm hm. That's the second time I met Maria."

I whipped my head up to look at her in astonishment. She said it so matter of factly, with almost no emotion and that bothered me.

A small half smile graced her face a moment later though. "That was my reaction Jasper. At first I thought I was seeing things, projecting my past to the present. But a moment later my world came crashing down and I knew it was real. She recognized me of course, although I'm not sure if it was me or my scent, and she called out to me, taunting me with memories of Quil. I should have left, I knew that. But, I couldn't. Phil came to find me."

"Phil?"

"He and Renee came to visit me that weekend," she whispered again. "He thought she was a friend of mine and when he reached out to shake her hand she grabbed him. Phil was drained in under two minutes. She tried to goad me into attacking her, although I'm not sure why. I couldn't seem to move; it was as if I was frozen in fear. Renee showed up next. I tried to scream, Jasper, I swear I did. But, nothing came out."

"I know, Bella." And I did. I had seen Maria taunt humans into total submission. It was not mind-control, it was not dazzling, it was just Maria.

"When she reached for Renee I made a split second decision. I refused to watch my mother die. So, I ran."

"You saved your life Bella."

"Did I? What kind of life is this? I have no family, no one. I don't even have a world where I belong. I exist Jasper, just exist. I have no connections."

"You have me." I had no fucking idea where that came from but before I could even think of censoring the words, they were out there.

"For now," she whispered lacing her arms around my neck drawing me into a hug.

"For now," I echoed, closing my arms around her as well. Her body pressed completely against mine for the second time tonight and the sensations, fire and ice, were sublime. She didn't feel fragile in my arms, I had no fear of hurting her, and I wasn't one hundred percent sure that it had anything to do with my control. "Is this why you are so hell bent on destroying Maria?" I murmured into her hair, the scent flooding my senses.

She leaned back. "I hate her, Jasper, more than any other person, dead or undead, I've ever met. She's vicious and is the epitome of a soul-less monster. I don't know how but I will make sure she is destroyed."

"I'll help, Darlin. I promise." I drew her close to me and closed my eyes as I pressed my lips against her forehead before pulling back. "Tell me what you know, Bella."

"That night, I promised myself I'd never be that weak, frozen girl again. I had a sudden unquenchable thirst for knowledge of anything related to vampires. I watched any movie or show, read any book or article, no matter how far fetched it seemed. The one thing I learned from Edward was that most myths are ground in fact of some kind.

Phil left me everything he and Mom had which was more than I thought possible. Once I got the money, I went abroad. My research led me to Europe, Egypt, Iran, Italy, Greece, and Africa."

"Damn, Bella. And I thought _I_ was a world traveler."

"I wasn't there to enjoy traveling, Jasper. I was there on a mission. I spent so much time meeting with anyone who would talk to me, listening to any and every story I could, poring through museums and ancient sites. Every place was so helpful but my two favorites have to be Italy and Africa."

"Why?"

"People don't shy away from the supernatural in either of those places and they are so helpful. I avoided entering Volterra altogether, knowing I was risking enough by even being near there as a human. But, I couldn't help it. That is where I got my baby. I was shopping in a market near Volterra and there were so many people around and it was easy to get jostled. For a moment, somebody grabbed my hand but by the time I got it loose and looked around, no one was there. Several minutes later I was standing at an outdoor vendor cart and The Ronin appeared."

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. "The Ronin?"

"The Ronin Vampiric, my weapon of choice. The cart vendor seemed surprised to see it there and could not even tell me where it came from, but I was drawn to it and felt like I had to have it. I bought it that day in Italy, but didn't learn the true meaning of it until I went to Africa. That place is surprisingly beautiful."

"I was there recently." Again, the filter on my brain didn't seem to be working and things I didn't want her to know slipped out.

"In Africa? What for."

"Aro." She nodded her head in understanding and did not press for any further information. It was refreshing and a definite relief to be with someone who didn't know absolute everything but didn't seem to mind not knowing.

"I spent almost a year there, living in several small villages. There were two men who were the spiritual leaders of their tribal communities. What they know absolutely amazes me; they have seen things, done things, experienced things that most people would never dream of. Anaysinti was one who explained to me the power of the weapon I had purchased in Italy. Anay trained me how to wield it in the ways to inflict the most damage, and he taught me the power of it. He had never seen one, just heard the tales, and is still not quite sure how it came into my possession. According to him, The Ronin is not exactly something that would be lying around in a store, much less on a cart. Apparently, men and vampires alike have killed to get their hands on this mythical weapon."

"Are you telling me that you have a weapon in your house, and you have been brandishing it all over town, that people are willing to kill to get?"

"Yes." She was so calm and I had no idea why. Did she not realize how idiotically stupid that was. But I wasn't going to be the one to lecture her; if she wanted to take chances like that with her life, who was I to stop her? Bella just stared expectantly at me as if she was waiting for something. "What?" I practically growled out.

"No lecture? By now, someone is usually sermonizing to me on the stupidity of my decisions."

"I'm not Edward, Bella."

"No, you certainly are not," she murmured, looking down at our laced fingers. "I know keeping The Ronin is a risk, but it is one I'm willing to take. I'm a human in a supernatural war, Japser, a war I never asked to be in and I'm fighting it alone. I have to use any and all means necessary to stay alive. The day I lose my upper hand is the day that I die."

This entire situation was more unbelievable than I could ever imagine. I wanted to hold her, to tell her that she wasn't alone, but that would be a lie. I wasn't here for her, I was here for Aro and I would be leaving soon. But being here now, walking with her in the moonlight, seeing the vulnerability in her body, the tiredness in her eyes made me want to break. I had lived my human life so empathetic to others' situations and emotions, always wanting to solve the problems they faced. As a vampire that desire simply grew. Now I felt that need rise and battle with the order I had restored in my existence.

"Jasper?" Her voice broke through my thoughts and I looked sideways at her. "I'm not asking you to stay. I know you have a job to do and I know you will leave when it is finished. You wanted to know the truth and I wanted to give it to you. It's been a long time since I've talked to anyone about the past few years and it's so easy to talk to you."

"Yes, it is," I agreed. I had talked more to Bella in the past two days than I ever had to just about anyone else before.

"I just want to make sure you know I'm okay with you leaving. I don't expect anything from you. I'm not Alice, and I will not manipulate you into staying here."

Is it manipulation if I _want_ to stay here? I couldn't help but wonder that. But Bella was right, we lived two different lives. "I know you won't Bella. You are nothing like Alice and you never could be." Her house came into view as we slipped through the edge of the woods. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired, sore but surprisingly calm. You still have that ability you know."

I knew I did, had sensed it earlier when she was crying in the woods, but for some reason I had to hear her confirm it. "What ability?"

"The ability to calm, at least calm me, even without playing the emotional power card."

"I don't have a power anymore, Bella."

"You do, you just choose not to use it."

"I can't," I answered back. We climbed the steps of her porch and stood at her door.

"Stay with me tonight." The loneliness in her eyes returned with more forcefulness than I thought possible.

"I need to hunt, Darlin." I needed to get away from her again, calm my own self before I did something stupid.

"Hunt and then come back. I'll be upstairs."

I turned to walk away but felt her fingers tighten around my wrist. Although she couldn't physically force me to turn, I felt compelled to do so. "Please, Jasper. I don't ask for much."

In that moment, I realized the reality of the situation. Bella was knowingly playing with fire, knowing she would likely wind up dead, but refusing to go down without a fight. And I knew in that moment that I would help her fight. I didn't know how, and I knew it wouldn't be permanent, but I would find a way to help. I brought her hand up to my mouth, letting my lips rest on her heated skin, fighting the multiple instincts that battled inside of me. "I'll come back, Darlin. And, I'll stay tonight."

After tonight, I had no idea what would happen, but at least for now I could help. I could not however let her get attached or expectant. I would be leaving, as soon as Aro gave the order. That was the only definite thing I knew.

**As always, please leave a review. I love hearing about your favorite lines or moments, and definitely your questions.**


	13. Chapter 12

**I cannot thank each of you enough for your patience and your wonderful reviews while I was gone. I finally have my computer back (now for the second time) and I'm so excited. It works so much better now. I originally got the computer back two days after I first took it to the shop, but within 24 hours it was obvious it wasn't fixed and I was once again working in Safe Mode. I took it back and they have had it until yesterday.**

**So, now I have the next chapter ready for you. Jasper is very conflicted at the moment and he is not being very forthcoming. He doesn't really want to talk to anyone about Bella at the moment. **

**But I have wrangled something from him. I hope you enjoy.**

**Thank you again so much for your patience. I promise, it will not be this long again between updates! But hey, I have a computer that works now so that is worth something!!!**

The moment the door shut I could sense her presence on the other side and I fled. I could not figure out what type of a hold she had over me. There was no reason for her to want me here like this. Sure, it made sense for her to need my help with Maria, but to ask me to stay, to let me hold her as if it were an every day occurrence was ridiculous. Pressing my fists deep into my eyes, I forced myself to take deep unnecessary breaths. My control was slipping, again, and I had to get it back. Control was the one thing that kept me sane and it was the one thing I could not afford to lose. So I ran, as hard and as fast as I had run last night. And just as last night, I unleashed my emotion onto the animals I hunted, paralyzing them in pain, tasting it as their life force became mine.

After draining my third deer, I sunk to the ground, resting my back against a tree. What the hell was I to do with the information I had so far? Details were flying through my mind as I raced to make sense of them. Closing my eyes again I focused on the one thing that I knew best, strategy. Most immediately, I needed to catalog the information I gathered in the past two days. The facts floated around and all I had to do was systematically evaluate them and begin to fit them together. Sighing, I immediately noticed the control shift in my body and I stretched my neck from side to side allowing it to sink in. Strategy and planning I excelled at. Cataloging facts was exactly what I needed.

First and foremost of importance to Aro would be that Maria is in fact here in Houston and she is without a doubt amassing a newborn army. What I didn't know in relation to this was why. Maria's MO had always been power and control, particularly commanding the unobtainable. I had yet to hear anything, from either Bella or from Maria herself through Bella's surveillance that indicated a reason why she was building this army. There weren't exactly any large covens in the area she would want to take over.

Second, Maria had come after Bella twice. I had no doubt from the conversations I had overheard that Maria was aware of Bella's existence. Why hadn't she made a move against her though? That was not Maria's style. She was not one who waited around for anything she wanted and I had no doubt she wanted Bella.

Third was this weapon Bella had mentioned. She indicated she bought it in Italy from a street vendor who didn't even know he had it and learned how to use it in Africa. More importantly though, people killed to try and find it. I had to wonder if Aro, Mr. Collector of all unusual things, knew about this weapon. Would he want it for his collection? Would he kill her for it? Ask me to do it? I shook my head again not at all ready to go there.

Fourth, was an enigma to me. Wade. I couldn't quite figure out his part in all of this. Bella had not mentioned him at all while detailing her past. I had no idea how they came to meet or what his interest was in her. He seemed genuine enough, almost Emmett-like in his protectiveness of Bella. But, something wasn't setting right with me. There was a part of me that knew I would be able to determine his true intentions so quickly if I would just sample the emotions I knew he was giving off. But I refused. That was a road I was not going to go down again. It seemed simple enough to some people for me to just close off my own personal emotions but keep sensing those from the people around me. They were too intertwined for me though and one could not exist without the other.

Another puzzle piece for me was the Cullens. I knew how they felt about her; there was no denying the fact that, as far as Carlisle and Esme were concerned, she was a part of that family. Yet, they completely deserted her. Surely, Alice had some indication of what was going on with Bella. Even though Bella had asked them not to come after her, to look into her future, there was no way this could have been missed. But where were they?

My eyes still closed, pictures of Bella began swimming through my mind, mudding up the facts again. She had no business being involved in this. There was no way it could turn out well for her and even more than that, I knew her involvement was somehow tied to me. Damn! I had been around that Pixie for too many decades. How they hell could I make an assumption like that? Nothing involving Bella required involvement from me.

Rubbing my hands briskly up and down over me face, I let out a huge breath of air as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I rolled my eyes as I looked at the caller ID. "What the fuck do you want, Peter?"

"Damn, Whitlock! Your manners just keep getting better and better all of the time! Aren't you just one happy motherfucker?"

"And again, I say, what the fuck do you want?"

"You need to get laid Jasper! Seriously, it will completely mellow you out."

"I'm hanging up now Peter!" In so many ways, Peter reminded me of Emmett. It was easy for us to fall into familiar banter with each other. Neither of us put up with the other's bullshit and for some reason that worked for us.

"Wait, wait, Mr. Emotions Suck and I Can't Get Laid. I'm calling for a legitimate reason."

"And that would be?"

"Our contact in Houston. We've heard you have not made contact yet."

"I've been a little busy here Peter."

"And so have we asshole! It's not like I don't have plenty of other things to do around here than watch your back all of time. Namely my wife, I'd love to be doing my wife right now."

I smirked in spite of myself. "Tell Charlotte I said hi."

"Get your ass in gear Jasper and stop blowing this assignment. What the hell is wrong with you?" I heard Charlotte's voice yelling in the background.

"I don't need a contact, Peter. And tell your wife that I'm not blowing anything. I've learned quite a bit in the past two days and I'm just trying to piece it all together."

"That's fine, Jasper; but, you still need to at least check in with the contact. You know this is part of the gig."

"No. No, it's not. It's Marcus and Caius' stupid requirement. I don't report to them."

"But you do report to Aro and he is in agreement that you need to meet with the contact. Aro says the contact has information you will need."

I sighed. This was an annoyance I had no time, or desire, to deal with; but, if Aro requested it, I would go. "Where and when Peter?"

"There is a pub in a small town outside of Houston called Spring. Do you think you can get there tonight?"

"Um, yeah, shouldn't be a problem." I looked around and swallowed a laugh. Apparently they had no idea I was already in Spring. "What's this place called?"

"Molly's Pub on I-45." Peter gave me detailed directions and told me what to look for. "You'll be able to recognize the contact immediately. Be there in an hour."

"Since when do you order me around asshole?"

"Since you need someone to kick your ass." Charlotte laughed in the background and I found myself actually missing being near those two. "Jasper?"

"Yes, Peter."

"You doing okay?"

How the hell did I answer that question when I wasn't even sure of the answer myself. Was I in control? Yes. Was I certain we could handle Maria? Yes. Was I sure of anything at all related to Bella and her involvement? Hell no. "I'm just trying to work through some of the information I have learned."

"And Maria?"

I knew what he wanted. As much as Peter enjoyed being with Charlotte for eternity he hated Maria for damning him to this life. I may have been the one to turn him but Peter had always known it was under her orders. More than that though, he hated her for what she did to them, to us, to all of the newborns she created then. "Peter, please don't worry. If there's one thing I can tell you for sure it is that Maria will not be in this world much longer."

"That's good man. That's real good. Just take your time and do this right."

"I don't work any other way."

"I know. I'll talk to you in a few days."

Putting the phone back in my pocket I glanced at my watch. 11:00. Surely I had enough time to get to this place, meet with the contact, and get back . Bella had her reasons for asking me to stay and I told her I would so I knew I needed to be there before she woke up. I took off, choosing to run, slowing as I reached the pub. For a Friday night, this place was extremely busy. Hard beats filtered through the air as I neared the door and a blonde stopped me on the way in placing her fingers on my chest in an obvious attempt to flirt. "I'm meeting someone," I said, almost rudely, as I pushed her to the side and walked in. Scanning the crowd, I immediately spotted the contact and groaned. Peter was definitely right. I'd been able to recognize the contact immediately as she was sitting at a booth in the back surrounded by both men and women. My contact was a damn succubus. Lovely, this night just kept getting better and better.

I walked towards her and she caught my eyes, her face lighting up as she recognized me. She stood and I couldn't help but notice the lean, long legs visible under her short skirt. My eyes traveled further up taking in the rest of her curves, knowing how soft they would feel even with the skin of steel. Her eyes were dark and her tongue darted out tasting the red lips that were smiling seductively at me as her long auburn hair hung down her back. "Jasper?" She called as I neared her.

"Yes." I took her outstretched hand knowing she was appraising me as much I just had. Her reluctance to let go of my hand also told me she liked what she saw.

"I'm Valerie."

"Nice to meet you." Again I looked in her eyes, seeing the lust and desire written there. I knew if I let lose, I would feel jealousy raging around the room from the others who were irritated I was sitting before this beauty.

"Believe me, Jasper, the pleasure is all mine." I couldn't miss her innuendo and I knew what her intentions for the evening were.

"I understand you have information for me."

She smirked and I raised my eyebrow at her. "I heard you were all about taking care of business, all work and no play."

"I play." And I did. Although I hadn't been with anyone emotionally in five years I certainly had my share of sex. It was a physical release for me and it was something I definitely indulged in. Although, it was also something I engaged in less and less over the past couple of years. Once I started working for Aro regularly and I learned to control myself I realized I needed a release like that less and less. I wasn't even sure I could remember the last time I was with a woman; obviously it hadn't been that remarkable.

"Hmm," Valerie broke into my thoughts. "And I bet you play amazingly well." Her succubus nature was clearly coming through and I knew she had made it a goal to get me in bed. For some reason though I had no inkling of an idea to join her.

"Information Valerie."

"Yes well the brothers wanted to make sure you had found Maria. Apparently she is holding court in an empty office space in downtown Houston."

I nodded, knowing I had seen that very office space from Bella's computer but not willing to give up that information. "I found her and have some information for Aro myself."

"I can bring it back to him; I'm leaving for Volterra in two days. You could join me. It could certainly be a pleasurable trip."

Damn, she was relentless. "I'm not ready to leave here yet." I had more questions that needed to be answered before I saw Aro next.

"And the other issue?"

I raised my eyebrow at her in a silent question. Had Aro told everyone about the potential for someone else to be involved here? Was anyone else aware that Bella was involved?

"The Brothers told me about the weapon. Have you found it yet?"

Well this was interesting. So some was looking for Bella's weapon. Fuck. "What weapon?"

"Something called a Ronin. Marcus and Caius mentioned it to me. Supposedly it has legendary ability to allow the wielder to kill vampires with just one thrust in the right place. Imagine the power that will come along with owning that. No training. No fighting. Just immediate death to those who deserve it. I know it will be given to them when you find it, but I can't help but be curious about it. Does Maria have it?"

"Aro never mentioned a weapon to me."

"Huh," she sat back against the booth and looked genuinely confused. "It was my understanding that you would be looking for the weapon as well. Marcus and Caius seemed most interested in having it in their possession."

"I'm sure they are," I mumbled quietly and she just started. "Look Valerie. Don't mention anything about the weapon when you go back to Italy. Let me have a chance to see what I can find out about it." The last thing I wanted was for Italy to find out that not only had I seen the Ronin used, but that I had easy access to it.

"Sure, sure. Just let me know when you find it." She ran her finger seductively around the edge of the glass in front of her. "Do you need anything, Jasper?"

Not from you, I thought but I didn't say it out loud. "No."

"I have access to humans if you need it."

So she had been told about my hunting habits and my means of control. That she had been given a detailed briefing was obvious but the reason for that was not. "I'm fine at the moment."

"Give me your cellphone." She programmed her number into my contact list and handed it back to me, letting her fingers trail down the palm of my hand. "Give me a call if you change your mind – about the humans or any other release you may need. I'll call you if I hear anything new."

With that she was gone, leaving me alone in the booth. I leaned forward placing my forehead on my arms. I can't believe Peter didn't warn me that my contact was a fucking succubus. Normally this was exactly they type of female vampire I used to satisfy my physical release. There were never any expectations and women like that enjoyed the rush of a solid fuck as much as I did. Pulling out my phone, I called Peter.

"What do you want?" He growled into the phone.

"Nice warning asshole."

Peter started laughing so hard he could barely catch his breath. "Liked my present, huh?"

"That was your idea of a present?"

"You've never complained before." This was true. Normally I'd have taken care of my needs and been on my back to my room by now. "What's wrong? Didn't you get laid?"

"No." Why had called him?

"She's a fucking succubus, Jasper. How the hell do you screw that up? I know it's not about attraction for you anymore man, but there is no way you can't not get it on with a succubus."

The answer was simple. I liked simple, but I didn't want to voice it out loud. "I don't know what's going on with me Peter."

Silence filled the phone; Peter was worried about me. I could always tell because he shut down and refused to say anything until he processed things. Normally I would have moved on by now, leaving the conversation behind us, but I didn't know how to proceed.

"Maybe you need to come back to Italy where things can be back in your control, Jasper. Aro can send someone else."

"No," I replied, running my hand over my face and through my hair. "I need to see this through."

"Maria's not worth this." He thought this was about Maria? Of course he did; no one had any reason to suspect otherwise. Hell, _I_ had no reason to think otherwise. What was it about this girl that had me constantly dancing on the border of losing control? I battled it more with her recently than anyone else and I didn't understand why.

"You sure man?"

"Yes. Sorry I called. I've gotta go." I hung up the phone and walked out of the restaurant as quickly as was possible in the presence of humans. Once in the shadows though I took off. Running helped me clear my head. I needed to finish this and head back to Italy. Peter was right; things would calm back down then, go back to normal.

Within fifteen minutes I was nearing the edge of Bella's driveway. During the run I had once again cataloged the facts from Bella and had created a list of questions I needed answered when Bella woke up later. I slowed as I neared the house inhaling deeply. Bella was still inside and she was definitely alone. Wade hadn't even been by and for some reason that set well with me. I walked up the porch wondering if Bella had left it unlocked but as I reached for it I felt the stolen blood flowing through my veins run cold, ice cold.

Bella was screaming. Deep, gut wrenching, blood curdling screams. I didn't even take the time to think; I reacted. Up the stairs I flew bolting into her bedroom, finding her thrashing in the middle of her bed. It was obvious she was locked in the middle a dream and that it had been going on for some time. The sheets were unmade and tangled around her limbs, her hair was matted against her face.

"You're lying!" She yelled, shaking her head from side to side. "This can't be real. It isn't real."

"Bella, Bella," I called out to her quietly, kneeling before her on the floor and brushing her hair out of her face but she kept fighting.

"You did this you monster. This is all your fault!"

"Shh, Darlin'," I whispered again. "It's okay. Wake up Bella. I promise you're okay."

Her eyes flew open and I thought for a brief moment she would calm down but sorrow and fatigue flooded her eyes. "Jasper," she cried out pulling herself into my arms. "It's not okay. It will never be okay."

I didn't respond, couldn't respond. What in the hell would I say that would have any meaning to her? None of this even made sense to me. So I held her. I stayed on the floor with her half leaning of the bed and stroked her hair, her back and continued murmuring to her. "Do you want to talk about it darlin'?"

"You said you would stay," she sniffled accusation running in her voice.

"I had to hunt Bella and then I had to take care of something. I came back though."

"Not the same," she murmured against my neck. "I knew this would happen."

Suddenly it became clear to me. I remembered her telling me she didn't believe the doctors when they told her Charlie was dead and how she blamed Edward for everything that happened. She was having a nightmare of that time. "How often does this happen?" I asked her.

"Not so much anymore." She was making more sense now but she still would not let go of my neck.

"Darlin, you need to let go." I tried to stand up gently, knowing I could break her hold if I needed to but not wanting to hurt her.

"Stay please," she whimpered. "I don't want to be alone tonight. I should have said it earlier, but I knew us talking about everything earlier would likely bring on a round of nightmares."

"Go back to sleep Bella. I won't leave the house. I can be here in under a second if I need to." Now I knew why she wanted me to stay. She knew she would be having a nightmare from our conversation earlier tonight.

"Jasper, please." I knew what she was asking but I didn't know if I could do it. Could I lay in bed with her?

What the hell kind of comfort could I possibly offer her? "I just don't want to be alone," she said again.

"Tonight only, Bella." This could not become a regular occurrence; she had been dependent on herself for so long and there was no way I was going to let her become dependent on me now.

"Thank you," she whispered. I kicked off my shoes and joined her on the bed. Almost immediately she folded herself against my chest sinking into me I wrapped my arms around her and ran my fingers through her long hair. "I'm so sorry, Jasper."

"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"Nothing. Everything." She mumbled, pressing her face against my chest. Her entire body was pressed against me as close as she could possibly get and she was still trembling.

"You realize that makes no sense Bella." I smiled in spite of myself.

"It does to me. I know I have nothing to be sorry about; I'm allowed to have nightmares and would have had one regardless of you being here right now or not. I'm just sorry that I'm making you stay here."

"You're not making me be anywhere. I don't do anything I don't want to do."

"Well, thank you anyway."

"Go to sleep Bella. I won't leave tonight." And I wouldn't, not tonight at least.

"Okay." I could feel her hot breath against my neck as she shifted and I continued to run my fingers through her hair.

Within minutes she was sound asleep again but I didn't move her. She felt so soft and warm next to me and it absolutely amazed me. I spent fifteen minutes with a succubus earlier tonight and couldn't wait to leave. Now, with Bella pressed tight against me, time was moving entirely too fast. Valerie was beautiful and she would definitely be a valuable contact but I knew then I would not seek anything from her while I was here. Although Peter might not have been able to believe it, I was certainly more than capable of controlling myself without a physical release of any kind. Laying here, like this, nothing else seemed important to me and that was something I wasn't ready to think about right now. Instead I continued to file every question away I knew I wanted to ask in the morning and catalog every detail of this moment. I would remember it long after I returned to Italy.

**As always, please review and let me know what you think. What worked for you? What didn't? Favorite lines, favorite parts? I love your opinions and your questions and I always keep track of them so I can add them in to later chapters if possible. **


	14. Chapter 13

**I know…I know…I promised it wouldn't be so long before I updated. Have I mentioned to anyone how much I hate computers??? Mine completely stopped again and after weeks of working on it, there was no hope of a reprieve this time. But, I was finally able to branch out and get a new one. So…I'm back!!!!!**

**I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the comments and reviews left after this last chapter. I could not type and I could not really respond, but I was able to log onto my IPOD touch whenever I came to a wireless area and check things occasionally. Your comments have touched me so much.**

**I hope ya'll enjoy this latest chapter.**

**The Air That I Breathe …Chapter 13**

Around seven the next morning Bella began stirring in my arms. It wasn't long before she was fully awake but she made no move to pull away. "Good morning," I whispered.

"Morning, Jasper," she answered, but still she made no move to leave. "What time is it?"

"7:15. You haven't missed anything. I'm assuming Maria still conducts her morning meetings even on Saturdays."

"Mm hm. They meet every morning. I think it's also how she sees who survived the night."

"It is." Even almost one hundred years later, Maria hadn't changed.

Slowly next to me Bella uncoiled her body reaching far above her head and pointing her toes forward. Just the same as yesterday morning, Bella seemed to lose herself in her morning stretch and I wanted to reach my fingers forward and trace the skin exposed on her stomach. I forced my eyes away though and stared at the same spot on the ceiling I had been looking at all night in an effort not to touch her. After several moments, Bella rolled to her side facing me and propped her hand up under her head.

"I'm sorry about last night," she whispered.

"Don't be. You had a nightmare. With the story you told me I can only assume it was to be expected."

"Fine then," she rolled her eyes at my refusal to accept her apology. "Thank you. I appreciate you staying with me, again, and putting up with the drama from last night."

I nodded my head in acceptance of her apology but I could not reply. What could I say? Don't get used to it. I don't know why I did it so easily. Letting out an unnecessary breath I thought to myself, '_I have to get out of here.'_ But again, I stayed as I noticed her wince for the second time since she woke up. My eyes were drawn to her stomach and again I noticed the edges of the discoloration of her skin. "May I?" I asked, nudging the edge of her shirt.

She rolled back over onto her back and lifted the material of her thin cotton shirt never removing her eyes from my face as I twisted to my side to see better.

"Damn," I muttered, unable to keep myself from tracing my fingers across the purple, black, and green bruise. The damaged skin spanned at least half of her side.

"It's not as bad as it looks," she whispered.

I looked up harshly, practically glaring into her eyes. "I may not be able to feel emotions any more, Bella. But, I can tell when someone is lying. A bruise like this has to hurt."

She shrugged her shoulders at me, seemingly dismissing my statement. But she surprised me when she replied. "Fine. It hurts. It hurts like hell. But it will heal, Jasper. That's all that matters."

"It shouldn't be there in the first place."

Bella sat up at that statement, tugging the shirt down covering every inch of her stomach from my sight. "Who the fuck do you think you are telling me what should and should not be on my body?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Rocky. I simply meant that bruise shouldn't be there in the first place because you shouldn't have been able to survive a hit like that from a vampire." She sighed and closed her eyes falling back down on the bed and I found myself drinking in the sight of her lying against her pillow. Her hair flowed around her, a halo of deep brown. The morning sun hit it and flashed various shades of reds and gold I doubted she even knew existed. She was exquisite and I was an idiot for even noticing that. "Bella," I called, pulling my mind back to the conversation. "We said total honesty, remember?"

Her eyelids fluttered open and the stark honesty in her eyes stunned me momentarily. Her words drew me back though as she began speaking. "It's just a trick I learned from one of the spiritual leaders in Africa. I told you about Anay last night, the one who explained the power of the Ronin and taught me how to use it?"

I nodded my head but didn't speak, wanting her to continue.

"I met another man from a different tribe while I was there as well. His name was Abimbola but I just called him Abi. He is the one who was responsible for teaching me to center myself and to practice a form of African meditation. I practice it every day, but particularly before an encounter. It centers me, stretching what I believe to be a shield over me. It won't keep me alive, but it seems to give me the inner strength to withstand things I normally wouldn't be able to. I don't think I could use it too often in one day and I know it would do me no good if there were a large group attacking me at once."

"African meditation protects you from a vampire's attack?" I may not feel the sarcasm any more, but there is no way I could keep it from my voice.

"Smart ass," she reached to slap me, but I caught her hand in mine before she could hit me and hurt herself further. She glanced at her trapped hand then brought her eyes up to mine before she let out a low growl.

I couldn't help my let a laugh spill out for which in earned another growl. "Did you just growl at me, Swan?"

"Did you just keep me from hitting you, Whitlock?"

"Like you need another bruise."

"Like I need someone else controlling me," she replied back, irritation in her voice.

"Fine," I dropped her hand, scowling at myself for even attempting to do something nice as I rolled over onto my back. I needed to get the fuck out of here and go back to Italy. It was my turn to roll over on my back, trying to distance myself from her, and I found myself staring at the same spot on her ceiling. I wonder if there was a water leak at some point. That patch shouldn't be a different color. I shook me head slightly. Seriously? I was laying on the bed thinking about water leaks? What the fuck?

"I wasn't going to get another bruise," she whispered quietly and I noticed she was back on her side. It was as if we followed each other movements.

"Whatever Bella. I shouldn't have stopped you. It's not as if I can care about it anyway." Even I could hear how disconnected my voice had become. I sounded like a bastard.

To my surprise though, she completely ignored my statement and continued with hers. "I wouldn't have gotten a bruise because I was going to hit you in the only place I could."

I snorted at that. "I thought you were smarter than that, Bella. You know there is no where you can hit on this body that can do any real damage."

Her face broke out into a devious grin and she winced as she sat up, moving closer to me. "Hmmm. You mean I know something about vampires that Mr. I'm the Perfect Military Man doesn't know?"

"I never claimed to be perfect," I grumbled and glanced over at her. We stared each other down and I quickly realized we could wait here all day and she wasn't going to budge until I asked her about it. "Fine, what do you supposedly know that I don't?"

"This," she smirked as she lunged at me quickly reaching behind my ear. I laid perfectly still knowing she couldn't hurt me when I felt two of her fingers reach the juncture of my ear and my neck. She pinched and I yelled.

"What the fuck?"

Bella fell back on the laughing. "Tsk, tsk, such language!" She admonished.

"Seriously? You just pinched the hell out of me and more importantly, I _felt_ you pinch the hell out of me, and you're worried about my damn language?" I was incredulous and I could not believe that I was once again asking how in the hell something Bella was doing possible. As she arranged herself back against the pillows, semi-reclining, I found myself rubbing the spot on my neck. I couldn't help but notice that although she pinched me in a larger area, I only felt the discomfort in the tiny space where my ear and neck met immediately behind my ear.

"I'm sorry," she bit back more laughter. "But you should have seen the look on your face."

"Very funny. You are obviously a comedian."

Suddenly though, she turned very serious. "What do you remember about the two attacks you have seen me in so far?"

I thought back to the first night I saw her, the night in the alley when she had effectively beheaded a vampire with one swing of the Ronin. Then, yesterday she had again accomplished the same unrealistic feat with the first vampire. Caleb though, the second vampire was skewered with the blade but it had not killed him. Understanding must have flashed through my eyes because Bella was suddenly smiling widely. "The blade only destroys vampires when you strike from the neck."

"More precisely," she continued. "It only works when the initial blow comes from here." Her finger ran behind my ear, touching the spot she had pinched only moments earlier, and I couldn't help but close my eyes at the sensation. I forced them back open so quickly though that I was positive she didn't notice.

"What's the difference then?" I asked.

"In all of your years planning vampire wars and training newborns, did you never notice how much easier it was to kill a vampire by taking off their head rather than taking the long time to start somewhere else?"

"Yes, but I never questioned it and that still doesn't explain why I actually felt that pinch you gave me."

"That's because most of you don't realize you have an Achilles Heel, or in this case, an Achilles Ear." She grinned and her own joke before catching the look on my face. "Sorry, it was too easy to pass up. Besides, I'm still enjoying the fact that I actually know something about vampires that you don't."

I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow at her, surprised about that fact as well. "So, what's the deal?"

"It's simple really. I don't know how or why, but I know that sometime during the change, there is one small spot that is left just as if you were human. It's soft to the touch, and on some vampires, can actually feel quite warm. I could actually bite it if I wanted to."

Could she really be serious? How in the hell did I know nothing of this, did others know nothing of this? I reached behind my ear and searched for the spot she just pinched, trying to notice anything different. She watched me for a moment before curving her fingers through mine guiding my finger to the point. I gasped instantly. It was warm, not as warm as Bella's skin, but warmer than I usually felt.

"Pretty cool, huh?"

"Cool? I don't know about that. How in the hell have I never noticed this before and how does no one else not know about it?"

"Oh, others know about it, but really, who would discuss it? You know as well as I do that very few vampires make the types of connections you and I have seen. Do you really think they would sit around and explore each other over at Maria's warehouse and then have a discussion about the unusual vampire parts?"

"No, but that would be noticed." I thought about the number of vampires I had sex with when I was first with Maria. Then, I thought about the years of sex I had with Alice. Each and every time my body had been explored, or I had explored another's and never had this phenomenon been discovered.

"Who was the one who explained this to you?"

"Anay; when he was teaching me the most effective way to use the Ronin."

"And who else knows?"

"I honestly don't know."

"That just doesn't make any fucking sense!"

"Jasper, I don't know why so few people know about this. Although, strategically, it would definitely make sense to keep it quiet. Imagine the power that could be held in the hands of the person who knows this."

Her words sunk in and I imagined someone like Maria getting her hands on that kind of power. She would decimate anyone she felt was a threat to her which was almost every other vampire as far as Maria was concerned. But then the weight of Bella' statement completely hit me and I looked at her with what I was sure was wonder. "Why tell me, Bella?"

"Why not?" She shrugged her shoulders as if she had just completed the simplest task in the world.

"Bella, you just told me that only you and one other person know the truth of this sword."

"Yes," she whispered quietly, knowing where I was headed.

"And your hypothesis of why others don't know is because it might be too dangerous if the wrong person knew."

"Mmm hmm," her head moved up and down against the pillow.

"How do you know I'm not the wrong person?" I whispered.

"I already told you, Jasper. I trust you."

For a brief moment, I could actually imagine myself feeling her words, her trust that would so openly pour from her in a way only Bella could pull off. I looked at her then simply staring at her. I remained propped up by my left hand, my right still intertwined with hers from where she had led my fingers behind my ears moments ago. Although she was still on her back, that movement had brought her closer to me and I found myself holding my breath surprised by how natural, how right this felt. Lost in this moment, I wanted nothing more than to stay here no matter how wrong I was sure it was.

"Jasper," she whispered, catching her bottom lip in between her teeth. I swallowed more venom in that second than had pooled in my mouth in quite some time and I felt the rolling in my core as I realized how desperately I wanted to taste her emotions, to simply just taste her. One of those battling desires had to give and I knew I would never release my power anywhere near her, promising myself I'd never hurt her. I found myself moistening my own lips with my tongue and I watched her eyes darken. Fuck I wanted this, wanted to feel her lips move beneath mine as our bodies wrapped tightly against each other's.

"Bella," I called, her name but a whisper against my lips as I leaned closer to her. She could see the hesitation mixed with desire in my eyes. I spent half an hour last night with a succubus whose very existence revolved around seducing men and never once felt a twitching of physical desire; yet, only moments with Bella made me want to throw away five years of carefully cultivated control.

"It's okay, Jasper," she tried to reassure me, moving her hand to cup against my cheek. It wasn't alright, but something unknown in me felt so inexplicably drawn to Bella, somehow sensing that she, and she alone could make it better. It made no sense to me why she would trust me, want to be here like this with me, but I knew she did.

As I moved closer, her fingers dipped into my hair and I felt them tighten as she worked to close the distance between us. How in the hell does something so wrong feel so incredibly right? But in this moment, I was too weak to fight against her and the unexplainable movement of my body. Heat poured off her, swirling around me and I wanted to get lost in that sensation, the physical pleasure driving me to close the distance between us.

She sighed against my lips, our breath mingling together, our eyes closed. I had never wanted anything like I wanted this woman practically under me now.

"Bella, where the hell are you?" A voice thundered from downstairs. "Get your ass down here!" The voice was like hurtled ice water in our direction.

"Fuck," I muttered, dropping my head down, resting it against her neck, putting her scent even dangerously closer to me. Simultaneously I heard her whisper dammit and I couldn't help but smile against her neck. I wasn't the only one who felt this, this whatever it was, between us.

"It's Wade," I heard the anger in her voice.

"Yeah, I kind of gathered that. You better go down there before he comes up here."

"He won't come up here." She was so sure of his following of her rules, but she didn't realize the extreme dislike he had of me.

"He will if he thinks I'm up here." I rolled away from Bella, moving flat on my back to stare at the ceiling once again.

"Dammit, Bella. I know you're up there and I know he's up there too."

"Just go," I mumbled.

"Jasper," she called, but I refused to look at her and I felt the bed move as she threw a robe on and headed downstairs.

I heard the arguing from below but fought to ignore it instead inhaling and exhaling unnecessary breaths. I needed to get my head back into the game, into this mission. Aro didn't send me here to fool around with some human; hell, Aro would probably kill her if he even knew about her. The moment I thought that though, I immediately shook my head. That was the exact reason I could not, would not, tell Aro about Bella. Again, I resigned myself to get the information I wanted and get the hell out of Houston.

Standing from the bed, I quickly shed the shirt I was resting in and moved to grab a new one. Bella had convinced me it would be a good idea to leave my bag at her house while we were going to be working together, and I had been stupid enough to agree. Shrugging the shirt on, I reached for the buttons when I heard a noise behind me and turned.

Bella was standing in the door to her bedroom, her lip again between her bottom teeth and I felt my resolve from moments before slip sideways. Her gaze ran over my body but stopped before she ever reached my eyes. It took me almost thirty seconds to realize I hadn't finished buttoning my shirt. The scars I fought so hard to hide were now visible to her. Quickly, I forced the edges of my shirt together.

"Don't," she ordered quietly. For some stupid reason, I complied. She stepped closer to me, taking both pieces of my shirt and drawing them open. Her fingers traced as many of my scars as she could reach and I shivered underneath her touch.

"Bella, stop," I tried to force out but she refused to comply.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper."

That did it for me; it always did. I didn't want pity, hers or anyone else. I wasn't looking for forgiveness or absolutions. I was just me. "Don't be." I stepped away from her as I buttoned my shirt. "I don't need anyone to be sorry for me."

"Please, Jasper," she rolled her eyes. "I'm not sorry for you. I'm just sorry. This is just one more example of what a vindictive, controlling bitch Maria is."

"Maybe, but it doesn't change anything, Bella. We have a job to do." I prayed she was catching the double meaning in my words. Whatever bubble created around us this morning needed to pop and if I had to be the one to do it, then so be it.

"Yes, we do," she agreed and I exhaled deeply realizing she understood. I was wrong. "But what happens after?"

"After what?"

"When we defeat Maria, and we will defeat her, what happens then?"

"I go back to Italy and you go on with your life." It was simple. Why didn't anyone ever understand how simple really was easier.

"What life, Jasper? Look around. I live alone, my contact limited to a vampire who is beginning to irritate me more and more and the occasional human I choose to interact with. And then, there is you who makes me feel more than I should, more than I have felt in years."

"I didn't ask for you to feel anything, Bella. I warned you not to trust me, not to let me get close." I closed my eyes and paced the floor for a moment. "Damn, Bella. I've been here three days, three fucking days and we're already making moves that are stupid and reckless. You're going to get killed."

"Would that be so bad?" Anger flashed through her eyes again.

"You don't mean that."

"Don't tell me what I do and do not mean, Jasper!"

"Then don't act like a hormonal teenager, Bella." Two could play at this game, and I knew that every insult I hurled at her would make it that much easier for her to let me leave.

"You bastard!"

"Yes Bella, I am. And please, please don't forget it. I'm not the man you used to know. Now open up the door so we can watch." I wanted, no needed, to move past this conversation before I did something stupid and uncalled for like taking her into my arms and offering her comfort the only way my body wanted to.

But again, Bella had other ideas. She slipped to the floor and for a brief moment I saw the tired human I knew a part of her really was. "Do you have any idea how it feels not to have a place to belong?"

Yes, actually I did, but I found my own way and I knew she would too.

Tears filled her eyes as she glanced back up at me. "I don't belong anywhere, Jasper. I live in my world but dance in yours and they cannot ever survive together. It's like there are two halves of me that just can't find a way to meet in the middle. And I've spent so many of my adult years tearing after the one who destroyed so much of my life."

"Then get off your ass Swan and do something to finish her off." She glared at me, but I continued. "I didn't belong anywhere either Bella, but I found something and made it work for me. No one controls my life any longer except me and I don't intend to have it any differently. If you want something different when all of this is over, then make it happen."

Seconds passed before Bella tore her gaze from mine. I had wounded her, I was certain of that. But, I hadn't torn her down too far. Bella depended on herself before I came around, and she needed to continue to do just that.

She stood, stalking towards the bathroom, taking only minutes to change clothes and stand in front of me before the tech room door. I reached my hand to press on the silent door but she swatted my hand away. Maybe I had actually done it. Maybe I had convinced her that relying on me too much would never work for her. Now, I just had to convince myself of the same thing.

**Okay…so there it was. Please don't shoot Jasper too much. He is a heartless bastard right now because he knows no other way to be. And yes, for those of you who are curious, they will eventually figure it out. I am definitely true to the two of them. While there may be much angst, this is first and foremost a Jasper and Bella story and a story about redemption. In order to be redeemed though, it has to be explained how heartless he can be.**

**As always, please let me know what you think. I love hearing about your favorite parts and lines and storing your questions away to be answered. I will begin with the review replies with this newest chapter since I will not be able to catch up from the previous chapters.**

**I look forward to hearing from ya'll!!!**


	15. Chapter 14

**YAY!!! It didn't take me a month to update this time. I don't know about ya'll, but I'm happy about that!**

**I'm so glad ya'll have enjoyed this so far and are accepting of Jasper as well as recognizing the depth of his character. I'm having so much fun writing him. I'm curious to see how ya'll feel about this chapter. **

**So, here goes…**

**Chapter 14**

As Bella and I crossed the threshold of the tiny room I glanced a look at her; in a room this small it was impossible not to. I could see the frustration, the anger, practically rolling off of her and I knew I couldn't blame her. If I had been able to feel the emotions of our encounter moments ago, both before and after Wade's interruption, I would probably be in the same state. As it was, I shifted uncomfortably behind her trying to keep her from backing into me. The last thing I needed was for her to feel my waning arousal and learn that although I no longer feel emotions my body definitely responds physically. And damn, did I ever respond to her.

"What did Wade want?" I asked needing to break the silence as she closed the door behind us and bring the entire morning focused back on the goals of our joint mission.

But Bella, obviously still pissed, had other ideas. "Seriously, you want to talk about Wade?"

"If he had anything important to say than yes." Could she not see that my intent was to bring us back to common ground?

"Don't you think if he had anything important to say I would have told you?"

"I don't know Bella."

"Of course! Because I've been oh so secretive about all of the information I know." Sarcasm dripped from her words.

She looked like I had slapped her and I dropped my head. Damn! I kept fucking this up; it was like I couldn't get my head on straight. "Bella," I started, but she quickly cut me off.

"Look, Jasper. I don't want to fight with you. It's not as if I have tons of allies lining up to help me. I'm not about to fight with the one friend I have."

"Wade appears to be a friend." It seemed to me he was anyway. I was phishing, I knew that. It was obvious he was interested in something.

"Humph! Wade is," but she was unable to finish as both of our attentions was immediately drawn to the screen.

"Gather now!" We heard the screamed order. Maria looked and sounded like she could set the rag tag group of newborns on fire. She was furious.

Bella pulled her chair closer to the monitor as I leaned in as well. I couldn't help but take a deep breath as I did, her scent filling me. It wasn't as if I needed to hear better but I wanted to scan the monitors for any detail I could observe. "Is she always like this when they meet? She was calmer yesterday."

"It varies, but I know why she's angry today."

"Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders in her typical 'it's no big deal' fashion. "Me."

Before I could question her further Maria continued. "Would somebody like to explain to me how in the hell a simple human brat of a girl has managed to kill seven, yes, seven vampires in the six weeks that we have been here?"

It was a rhetorical question. I knew it and even the dumbest vampire in that room should have known it. Unfortunately, one of her newborns wasn't that smart. "Those who stood against her must have been weak Mistress," a blonde male from the back spoke up.

Even so many years after I last worked with her I could anticipate the reaction she would have. She lunged in the direction of the unsuspecting newborn, the others around him parting the way to be nowhere near him. "What did you say?" She growled.

Boldly he raised his head and stared directly at her. "Stupid idiot," I muttered under my breath and Bella chanced a glance back at me. "She's going to tear him apart." I answered Bella's unspoken question.

"Look around, Mistress. Those of us who are left are the strong ones. She would stand no chance against us. The seven she has destroyed have been the weak ones of the group and we are better off without them."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Maria roared.

"I am Your servant, Mistress; Your soldier."

"My servant?" She yelled as she grabbed his left arm and viciously ripped it off. "My soldier?" The process was repeated on his right arm, his eyes wide in sudden fear. "My servant does not question me nor does he excuse the fact that a _human_ is able to defeat even one of us." Maria stepped closer to the nameless newborn. "Do you feel strong now?" She sneered. "Can you excuse the human bitch now?" Bella shivered and I couldn't help but move closer to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. She reached her hand up to grasp mine, the warmth of her fingers practically burning me.

"No Mistress." The newborn had no idea how to respond, no idea how to move into Maria's good graces, or even just out of her focus.

"Well then, you newborn prick, you are of no use to me." Brutally Maria bit into his neck causing venom to spew from the wound as she pulled his head completely off. She tossed his head to one of the newborns standing near him. "Find someone else to help gather the pieces," she ordered.

"Do we burn him, Mistress Maria?"

Turning her back to them I saw the smile pass over her face that made my stomach curl. It was a smile I recognized, one that I hated. "No," she answered. "Tear him apart more and scatter the fucker around the training room. I want him to see everything that goes on, to know what he is missing, and to understand not only how worthless he is but the fact that no one has any real power around here other than me!"

Jumping, Maria once again stood on the landing above the gathered crowd. "Find her," she ordered. "I don't care who does it; I don't care how it happens. Somebody find the bitch and bring her to me. But I want her alive. I want her to see, once again, just how insignificant she really is." She smiled again, the vision of her desire unfolding in her mind unlike anything I had ever seen with anyone else. Fortunately for us, Maria's visions could do no damage. They were nothing but dreams, wises, desires and I intended to keep it that way.

"Bella," I called, squeezing the hand that laced with hers but she held her other hand up to silence me. I noticed the vampires from yesterday flank her joined by two others.

"I don't understand how she is doing this Mistress," one of them said as they walked up the stairs and away from the group. Bella and I followed the smaller contingent through another camera as they stepped into a different room.

Caleb, the vampire Bella ran through with the Ronin the day before, spoke next. "It's as if she knows where we are going to be and when we are going to be there."

"An insider perhaps?" The other vampire asked.

Maria shook her head. "No. There's no way any of these newborn idiots are clever enough to pull something like that off."

"What did she say to you yesterday, John?" Caleb asked.

"Nothing of importance," John spoke for the first time this morning.

"It didn't sound like nothing to me."

John sighed and I could again see the war in his eyes. I just hoped that Maria did not. "She was just warning us again of involvement from the Volturri. According to her, they know that we are here."

Maria huffed at that. "They may know we are here, but they don't know for what purpose. They won't cause any problems."

"Why _are_ we here Mistress?" John asked in such a respectful voice I realized Maria just might actually answer. "Aside from what we have been doing, what you have been doing for over a century now in terms of continually capitalizing on the strength of newborns to enlarge your territory. But, why Houston and why now?"

"That is a very valid question John and one that has many answers to it. I think it is time the four of you know the reality of the situation." Maria paced the room slightly and I knew she was deciding exactly how much and what to say.

I watched the screen in front of me. So this was her inner circle. John and Caleb I had already been introduced to, they just didn't know it. The other two were mysteries to me. I knew nothing about them and that was definite weakness I needed to remedy fast. When I felt Bella's hand move from on top of mine I looked down at her. She was hung on every word being said. "Have you heard any of this before, Bella?"

"None," she whispered back, her eyes never leaving the screen. "Every one of her morning briefings has revolved around daily plans and death tallies from the night before. In the five weeks I have been monitoring them, she's never discussed her complete plans. I didn't even know until today precisely who was in her inner circle."

"She doesn't let many in to it and you have to understand those closest to her will be the most loyal ones. They are treated differently and they adore her for it."

"Like you were?"

She turned her gaze up to mine for just a moment and I realized in that instant that maybe she really did know completely about me. I thought back to that first night we argued and she mentioned all of my former last names. "Some time soon, Swan, you will tell me how the hell you know so much."

"Done," she answered turning back to the screen as Maria was beginning her explanation.

"What I am about to tell you does not leave this room. There are very few in the world that know; with each of you learning the news it brings the total to nine. Two of those that learned it have since left this earth; two are the ones responsible for it. That leaves us five with the knowledge and I expect to stay that way. My demonstration below should remind you of what will happen if that order is not followed."

Murmurs of acknowledgement and assurances quickly left the mouths of the four vampires.

"As many of you know, I am constantly looking to expand my territory, our power. Humans offer such little resistance to us and while we need their life blood to survive, we really do not need this society to function as it is. There has always been talk of keeping the humans as slaves, allowing them to breed for our sustenance but never again for them to control this earth. Most of our kind has shunned this notion, believing a balance between the humans and the vampires is and always will be a necessity. The numbers of those that agree with this idea have not really changed throughout the year, but the balance of power for the support of our cause has drastically shifted recently.

"Each of you needs to know that I support this idea entirely. Humans are nothing to me except a food source. My plan in moving our base to Houston is one more step in completing realizing the completion of this task."

"Good God, Jasper. She plans to virtually wipe out the human race." Bella's face paled significantly more than usual as she spoke. "Is she really bold enough to think she can pull this off?"

"Yes," I answered without hesitation. "Maria has always been daring enough to try most anything. Because she has remained alive as long as she has though I can guarantee you that she is beginning to envision herself as invincible."

"Promise me she's not."

"She's not darlin'." I promised positive this was one promise I could keep.

"No other human needs to experience the pain and loss from her hands or her orders."

"I know, Bella." And I did. I'd listened to Bella's story, thought of my own time with Maria, the countless humans that were ridiculously destroyed because of her.

"Gentlemen," Maria continued. "Recently the power shift I mentioned was brought to my attention by an anonymous source. You need to understand that our world's power brokers are also divided on this issue. For the first time, we have the majority of the power with us."

"Are you insinuating we have Volturri backing with this plan?" John asked, his eyes widening.

"I'm not insinuating anything, my darling John." The faces of the four vampires fell at her statement but did not stay that way long. "I'm guaranteeing it. The only thing I'm not positive of is which two are in agreement with us. Until I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, we will not move forward. "

"Fuck!" I whispered, my response echoing the sentiment of the others listening to her. The brothers are split. Volterra is compromised as is our entire way of life.

"How do we proceed, Mistress?" One of the nameless vampires asked and I focused my mind to memorize her answer.

"Right now this bitch is our highest priority. The fact that she is a human who knows about our world means nothing to me; soon they will all know about it and they will all pay because of it." The four idiot minions shook their heads in agreement. "No, right now she is a problem because she is a thorn in my side; I never should have let her live five years ago but she was not my target at the time, someone else was. Although finding him will soon be a top priority of mine, she is a larger one. I want the meddlesome bitch dead and I want her weapon. If it works the way Caleb describes, I believe it is the weapon I, along with our Volturri supporters, have been searching for."

Caleb was the first to address her after her powerful news. "I don't think she lives in the Houston area, Mistress."

"I'm inclined to agree Caleb. I want each of you four to take a small contingent and branch further out. One of you will head West to the Katy area, a second will head South to Sugarland, another East towards Baytown and another North to Tomball. Scan the area, leave nothing unchecked. If you do not find her, continue pushing further. Keep in contact with each other as you circle outwards and overlap each other's areas. Search for her and search for strong soldiers while you are out. We will need as many as we can get in the coming weeks."

"Of course Mistress," Caleb answered earnestly, his eagerness to continue his earlier fight with Bella nearly palpable even through the screen. I decided almost immediately that given the chance he would be one of the first I would take out. "We will leave at once."

"Do not fail me and there will be rewards beyond your wildest imagination."

The four flew out of the room and I watched the screens as they quickly scanned the area, selected their small groups and prepared to leave. I could see their excitement as they prepared, all except for John. He was an enigma to me. He went through the motions and prepared to leave as well but his eyes shifted continuously and his head did not seem to be clear. If I could feel his emotions, I was sure I would find him nervous. I'm sure he was one I could capitalize one when the time was right.

I had the information I was sent to recover but I was not ready to proceed. I needed to think, to choose my team carefully to make sure my plan to end this was flawless. But before I did anything else, I needed to get Bella out of this room and get her making decisions that would protect her.

"Darlin," I whispered, knowing my mind had processed the information we had just heard much more quickly than hers had. "Bella, let's get out of here. She's not going to say anything else for awhile."

She took my outstretched hand as I turned everything off and we walked out of the room together. As much as I wanted her to leave the area, I knew better than to suggest that. This was her fight just as much as it was mine and I wasn't about to exclude her from proceeding. But, I needed her to trust me, as she had earlier, so that we could move forward together.

"Talk to me Bella," I asked as we walked down the stairs.

"Fuck, Jasper. What the hell do you say to this?"

"You figure out how to beat her at her own game, Bella. We strategize, we perfect the strategy and we win."

She looked up at me at me and I could see the gratitude in her eyes along with the shock and exhaustion. "Thank you, Jasper."

"There's nothing to thank me for."

"I disagree. You are allowing me to remain involved in this." She smiled at me and I found myself battling the familiar urge to draw her to me.

"You need to understand that I respect what you have been through and what you have done here. You also need to understand that as long as we plan together and we can agree on a way to keep you safe I will never keep you from your own fight."

"You're a good man, Jasper. I don't care what you believe about yourself."

"Bella, I cannot stress how important it is that we keep this strictly business. I will not deny that you have turned into an unbelievable woman, something I never expected to see if we ever ran into each other again. I also won't deny that multiple times in the past three days I have repeatedly tried to keep myself from figuring out the best way to fuck you. It's not about emotion Bella, it's about pure physical desire and release."

I could see her eyes darken and I knew we needed to finish this conversation quickly, and move past it if we were to successfully complete this mission. "Jasper, I don't know what it is about you, about us, but there is a connection I cannot pull away from. Hell, I don't know if I _want_ to pull away from it. I never expected to have help in this fight, I never expected to see you again, and I certainly never expected to find myself desperately wanting to know the details of each of those plans you just mentioned."

I closed my eyes, willing the images of me bending her over this very couch out of my mind. I was as hard as a rock and I had no fucking idea where these continual urges were coming from. "Okay, we both realize the desire is mutual. We've admitted the problem and have to figure out a way to move past it; because, this will not work if we can't."

Her eyes smoldered into mine as I opened them and I knew if I inhaled deeply enough I would be able to detect her arousal. I held my breath having a difficult time as it was just concentrating on the conversation instead of how tight her nipples were under her shirt. "And how do you propose we ignore this?" She asked.

"No more being together at night." Her face tightened for a minute and I knew what she was thinking about. "I will not leave at night other than to hunt Bella. If you have a nightmare, I will wake you up. But, will not stay with you in your bed again." Hell no, that was way too much temptation for me.

"Fine," she agreed. I couldn't miss the smile that crossed her face though.

"We plan together Bella and for now, we make sure that both of us know where the other one is at all times."

"Agreed."

"You have to know I need to call in reinforcements from Volterra."

"How will you know who to trust?"

"I have a few solid people there, Bella. I have no doubt about them and I will call them immediately. Other than that though, no one knows the details. But other than strategy sessions and monitoring Maria, we do not need to be alone together."

"So basically, we plan, we keep each other informed of our whereabouts and we avoid each other physically."

"Yes." She was obviously a smart girl and knew that any sort of mixture between the two of us would be insane.

"You do realize we are not a twelve-step program, right?"

I couldn't help but shake my head at her. "What the hell are you talking about Swan?"

"Your plan here. You've already said we did the most important thing by acknowledging the problem and now you have steps you want us to follow to deny this attraction between us."

I glared at her and she knew I had no answer.

"Fine, Jasper. I'll agree to your plan for now." As she stood from the couch my eyes were immediately drawn to her delectable ass that was inches away from my face. "Just remember your own plan for successfully beating temptation." She smiled down at me over her shoulder as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth just as she had this morning.

"What's that?" I asked, my voice suddenly huskier than I intended it to be.

"Sometimes you have to indulge."

Without waiting for a response, Bella sauntered up the stairs and I heard the shower turn on.

"Fuck me," I moaned feeling myself harden even more. That damn vixen just made entirely too much sense and suddenly I wished I had never told her that. My head fell back against the couch as I slowly stroked myself through my jeans for a moment. I needed to get reinforcements here and get this finished as quickly as possible. Then, I needed to get the hell away from her and fuck the first vampire I could find. Maybe Peter was right; maybe I needed to just give Valerie a call.

I reached for my cell phone but stopped when I heard Bella moan from the shower, the water obviously feeling wonderful against her skin. I knew that calling Valerie would be futile. I'd fuck her and then I'd still have a raging hard-on for the girl, the woman, upstairs.

Anyway I looked at it, I was fucked.

**As always…please let me know what you think! Favorite lines, favorite/least favorite parts…anything. **

**I look forward to your comments. **


	16. Chapter 15

**So, I do not have enough apologies for each of you. School has started again and I have been going out of my mind to get the school year started. I work in a school and things are crazy this time of year. I'm also working on my dissertation and I've had to make concessions with my husband about writing this…I write a chapter here for each portion finished in my dissertation. Needless to say, this portion of my dissertation took longer than I anticipated. Finally, I am playing with an entry for the latest contest: "For the Love of Jasper". Put me on author alert if you are interested in reading it. **

**But as an apology, I have made this my longest chapter yet. I hope each of you enjoy it. I have read all of your reviews and appreciate those of you who have hung in with me through this long month. I am so, so sorry!!!**

**Finally, I want to say how honored I am. I found out from a review yesterday that my story was featured for the week of 7-17 on the Fictionators site. I am truly honored.**

**Without further ado…**

**Chapter 15**

I had no idea when things had become so mixed up. One minute I was arguing with Bella, being as cruel as I could think to be to make her turn from me. Thirty minutes later, I was openly discussing my desire for her, calling her Darlin', and agreeing not only to help her fight but to keeping her in the fight as well. Damn, I was one dumb bastard. Why the hell can't I get my shit together when it comes to this girl?

Shaking my head to focus on the situation at hand, I grabbed my phone to call the one man I knew I could count on and trust. I sighed when I heard the voice on the other end of the line. "You'd better have something good for me Whitlock," he growled into the phone.

"Hello to you too, Peter."

"I don't have time for hellos you dumbass. What I have time for is answers. Give them to me or get off the phone."

This was unusual. While Peter and I continuously argued back and forth over any and every thing, he was rarely this terse with me. "Damn brother. What has gotten your panties in a twist?"

"You have no idea how difficult things have been here. The brothers are pissed, way beyond furious. And you're sitting there across an ocean happy as a motherfucker with that little succubus I provided for you. You're welcome again by the way."

"I didn't say thanks; I told you last night, nothing happened with Valerie. Get back to the important topic. What are they so angry about?" My mind was spinning. How much did they know of Maria's plan? She had indicated she had potential support from at least two of them; did the other know as well.

"No one really knows. The three of them rarely speak and when they do you can cut the tension with a knife. They aren't even allowing each other to use their powers at the moment."

"What the hell, Peter?"

"That's what I'm saying Jasper. So hopefully you can give me some information I can pass on and draw their attention away from whatever their problem with each other is."

I didn't want to tell him my information would only make things worse, and I certainly didn't want to tell him over the phone. I needed to get him away from Volterra. "Sorry, man. I just don't have much to report right now."

"Damn, Jasper. The Brothers aren't going to like that. Valerie indicated you had some information for Aro that you would deliver only to him."

Excellent. Valerie reacted exactly as I suspected. She went straight to Volterra with the details of our conversation; I just wasn't sure how much she gave back to them. "Who did she report to?"

"Me," Peter with feigned hurt in his voice. "Who else would she report to?"

Who else indeed? I couldn't help but wonder who she might have spoken to. The information she had on the weapon certainly hadn't come from Peter. If he knew about something, I knew about it and vice versa. We had no secrets from each other. "I'm just checking, man. When do you report to Aro next?"

"As soon as we hang up. Aro wants to know the moment you check in. I'm telling you, Jasper, something is going on. I've never seen him this antsy about your check ins. It's almost as if he's worried about you, man, not just the mission."

Fuck. The soldier in me stiffened as I hear that. Aro doesn't act like that, ever. "Just tell him I have found her and begun monitoring her. She is definitely working out of an empty warehouse space. It's not her usual type of place though."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not really hidden, Peter; there's no real camouflage. She's bold now like she doesn't have a care if she's caught or not." And she doesn't, not if she believes she has Volturri backing.

"Damn!" He whistled low in response. "What the hell is she thinking?"

I chose to ignore his question for the moment, not wanting to lie to him but not willing to tell him everything on the phone either. "Make sure and let Aro know what I've uncovered."

"Will do, Jasper." Silence hung between us for a moment and I knew he wasn't finished yet.

"What is it Peter?"

"I'm just worried about you, man."

"My control is fine," I answered. And it was, for the moment. I heard the water turn off upstairs and knew Bella was finished with her shower. Fighting the impulse to close my eyes and envision her creamy skin glimmering with warm water droplets, I focused on Peter's voice instead.

"Your control has never been in question."

"Not according to some," I scoffed flashing quickly to my last conversation with Alice.

Peter being Peter though knew exactly where my mind went. "I'm not her, Jasper, I never have been."

"I know, man. I never said you were."

"I never knew what you saw in the little pixie anyway."

"Peter," I warned not wanting to get into this argument again.

"Seriously, think about the women we've seen over the years." I could hear the smack Charlotte gave him and I couldn't help but smile. As soon as he said it though I realized he had given me the perfect segue into the conversation I needed.

"Speaking of women, do you remember that young girl we found in 1876?" I prayed he would pick up on our long forgotten code. As I heard the tone of his voice deepen though, I knew he hadn't forgotten.

"The one outside of that bookstore in San Antonio?"

I couldn't help the grin from spreading across my face. "Yep, that's her."

"Mmmm, even now I can remember the draw of her blood," he moaned. "I remember that more than anything and I remember she was breathtakingly beautiful. Was she blonde?"

"No, Mr. She Was So Beautiful I Can't Remember the Color of Her Hair. She was brunette," I answered thinking of the other brunette who was currently upstairs. "Her name was Luna or some shit like that. All I remember is that you were practically drooling venom trying to get into her pants."

Another slap resounded through the phone as I heard Charlotte tear into his ass once again. "Damn, Jasper," he growled. "You could have kept that last part to yourself, fucker."

"Just telling it like it is bro."

"Whatever, see if I do anything for you again." I heard the words but I knew that he would, and soon. "So," he continued. "Luna huh?"

"Luna," I agreed. "Go talk to Aro, Peter."

He hung up the phone and I closed my eyes, hearing Bella move around upstairs. I needed to fill her in telling myself that was the only reason I wanted to go upstairs. But, I wasn't even that good at lying to myself. I climbed the stairs and headed to her bedroom. Leaning against the doorframe, I immediately got lost in the vision of her. Water droplets fell from her dark hair making the white button up top she had on damp. I couldn't decide what was more delicious though, the wet top or the positions she gracefully moved through while stretching.

Her feet spread shoulder width apart as she dropped her upper body forward, folding it in half. "Are you going to stand there staring all day?" She asked, never breaking her pose.

"Maybe," I answered. "I'm enjoying the view."

Bella being the smart one at the moment though ignored my remark. "I heard you on the phone downstairs. Anything new?"

"Peter's coming Monday."

"Peter?" She stood now, her left foot resting on the inside of her right thigh, arms stretched far above her head.

"He's coming from Volterra."

She faltered at that, her arms falling slightly covering that span of creamy white skin that is readily visible every time her arms rise above her head. "Is that wise?"

"I trust Peter with my life."

"Well, then I'll trust him too. I trust you."

"And I keep telling you not to."

"Too late. How much does he know?" She asked, sitting on the floor now, her legs making a diamond shape and her hands resting on her feet.

I shifted, trying to discreetly adjust myself, becoming more and more physically aroused the longer I watched her. "Nothing," I answered.

Her arms lifted over her head again as she arched her back, one hand grasping the elbow of the other arm. "Does he know where we are?"

"Not with any great detail." This time she raised her eyebrow at me and fuck if that didn't make me want her even more. "I'm going to go pick him up Monday night.

"You want to tell me how he knows where to go if he doesn't know where we are?"

Could I? Nobody knew of the code Peter and I used throughout the years; I didn't know if Charlotte even knew. But, I stood there watching Bella, knowing she had been nothing but honest with me and I couldn't refuse. "Peter and I met when we were with Maria." Bella nodded and I knew she was listening even as her limber body continued to move. "He's a large portion of the reason I left that hellhole and got away from that bitch." I knew Bella knew some of the details of my time with Maria; I just had no idea how much she really knew.

"I know of him." She broke in.

"While we were with Maria, we developed a code of sorts for when we needed somewhere to meet away from her. Although we haven't used it in sixty years, I brought it up tonight. Peter, of course, remembered."

"Okay, so tell me about it."

I sighed as she joined me on the couch in her room, tucking her legs up underneath her body, her hand resting on the bruise I knew discolored her stomach under her shirt. "It always involves a kill because, let's face it, Peter and I were always talking about a kill. The sex of the kill and the location of where we killed them determines where we meet; in this case, we killed a woman outside a bookstore in San Antonio."

"But we're not in San Antonio."

"No, but the bookstore is on Houston Street."

A smile broke out across her face. "Damn, that's pretty good."

"Gee, thanks, Miss Bella," I answered sarcastically, but joined her in a smile. "I'm so glad you approve."

"Smart ass," she answered back. "So, he's meeting you in Houston, where and when?"

"Monday night outside an old hotel."

"And that is determined how?"

"The sex determines the location; a male indicates an old bar we are familiar with, a female means a hotel. The color of her hair determines the time, blonde is morning, brunette is night."

"So, she must have been brunette?" She asked, her eyes glimmering.

"Yes ma'am. Finally, her name determines the date. In this case her name is Miracle."

"And Monday translates to Lunes in Spanish."

"You got it."

Bella nodded her head appreciatively, and I found myself once again staring at her losing myself in the beautiful woman she had become. What the hell was going on with me? I knew I wanted her, I wasn't about to deny that; but, I also knew it wasn't smart to do anything about it. Shaking my head I knew I needed to focus on our mutual task at hand rather than our obviously mutual attraction for each other. "What's the plan for today, Bella?"

"Well, I've been thinking about that. You told me earlier to get off my ass and it's time to do just that."

Damn, I knew my words from earlier would come back to bite me. "Bella," I started, but she cut me off.

"I know you didn't really mean everything that was said earlier. I know you don't want me to be dependent on you. And, I also know you are just trying to distance yourself from me."

Fuck, but she's perceptive.

"But, you need to know something too, Jasper. I am very much in control of myself, and I don't do anything I don't want to do. You may not believe me, but I do know quite a bit about you."

"You never told me how."

"No, I guess I didn't. It's really not all that exciting, Jasper. I've just pieced stuff together through my travels. You are quite the topic of conversation for many who know of the vampire world."

"Me? Why in the world am I interesting?"

"Seriously, Jasper, have you met yourself?" I knew she was trying to lighten the mood but I just wanted answers.

"Uh, the last time I checked, the answer to that was a resounding yes."

"Well, than you should know that you have led quite the intriguing life."

She sounded like Aro. That is one of the first things he said to me when I first came to Italy. Of course, Aro had seen me in the minds of hundreds of vampires that had come to him before me. Bella had not. "It hasn't been all that exciting, Bella."

"True, but it has been full of adventure. Even as a human you seemed to always be full of adventure. From what I've found, you were always into something while you grew up as Jasper Thompson Groce. How much do you remember?"

"Not much in all honesty. Groce was my original last name; Thompson was my mother's maiden name."

Bella's head nodded in acceptance and I smiled realizing that at least some of my human memories were intact. "You know you grew up near here, right?" It was my turn to nod and she continued. "In fact, your family plantation is still standing."

"That was a beautiful house. It was built in 1853 but we didn't move in until a year later. I left in 1861 so I really wasn't in the house that long. But, I do remember loving it. My mom had a room similar to yours in it."

"I didn't know that." Excitement filtered through her voice. "It's not included in the public tour of the house nor is it included in any of the information I've found on the house."

"I can't imagine that it would be. My dad built it for her, promising never to go into it; the room was supposed to be her space."

"Your family is mentioned quite often in the history of Waller and Brazoria counties."

"Yeah, we were a regular Brady Bunch!" I scoffed.

"From everything I've read you were happy, loved."

I nodded my head, knowing somehow deep down that she was right. "I don't remember the details Bella, but I do believe that you are correct."

"You dropped the Groce from your name though when you enlisted."

"Hell, I was pretty young and Groce was a well-known name. I wanted to make my own way and I was afraid they would say no if I came in as a Groce. As a Thompson though, they never batted an eye."

"Wade says he met you shortly after he enlisted and you were going by Whitlock then. He was pretty enamored with you when he signed on."

"Wade was a pansy ass, then and now." Bella rolled her eyes and threw the couch pillow at me. "What?" I questioned. "He was!"

"He's a friend, Jasper." She stressed the word friend and I had to acknowledge that settled well with me. Damn I'm a stupid fuck.

"That's another conversation we will have Swan."

She nodded in acknowledgement before continuing. "So you started out as Groce, and enlisted under Thompson. When did you switch to Whitlock?"

"About six months into the war I was involved in a, um, situation. Some of my buddies decided it was time for me to meet some women. I spent the evening with some women of ill-repute." If I could have blushed at that moment I probably would have.

Bella on the other hand broke out in full fledged, heart-felt laughter. I glared at her but she continued anyway. "Ill-repute?" She could barely contain herself through her laughter. "Jasper, call them what they were, prostitutes!"

"You little vixen! You knew about that!"

"Of course I knew about it! I just wanted to see if you would admit it!" She was gripping her side laughing so hard and she looked lovely, completely lit up inside.

"Fine, fine. I was initiated into the ways of women by two of the local prostitutes. It was a birthday present."

"Two women at once," Bella admonished. "Jasper, I'm shocked."

"Clearly, you aren't shocked at all minx."

"Watch out, Jasper." Bella warned. "You're coming dangerously close to actually feeling that humor that is creeping into a smile on your face."

I stared into her eyes, unable to help myself. How could I tell her that I wasn't in danger of feeling humor? No, I was in danger of much more than that. I was in danger of feeling her but in order to do that, she'd have to feel my pain first and I refused to do that.

Bella, being the perceptive woman she was though, must have sensed how well her remark had gone over because she quickly glossed over it. "So, your Sergeant wasn't too thrilled with you and your buddies and you were kicked out. But, that didn't keep you down long. You re-enlisted as Whitlock and stayed with that last name for over a century."

"I did. That's actually the time that everyone else knows of as my time of enlistment. How the hell do you now about that?"

"I'll tell you about that later. Right now, we have to work on me getting off of my ass." I arched my eyebrow at her in question of her intentions but she did not leave me curious very long. "You are going to help me today."

"I am? And how do you plan for me to do that?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked." She smirked at me and I saw a light dance in her eyes. "You've seen me fight twice now. Each time I've taken down one vampire but faced more than one."

"And according to Maria, you've taken down a total of seven since you've been here."

"I have but it's taking its toll on me, Jasper. And the reality is they're going to get smart soon and realize that I cannot fight off more than one or two at a time."

"Newborns don't get smart, Bella." I've trained enough of them throughout the years to know that.

"True, but their leaders do." She quirked an eyebrow at me this time and I nodded my head acknowledging she was correct. "Look, Jasper. I've done some pretty remarkable things since I started this vendetta against Maria. I don't say this out of pride, but out of realism. Who has ever known a human that has caused this much grief for a vampire? But, I'm tired, my body is tired and it is starting to effect me. I need to know some ways to strengthen what I do."

I shifted on the couch to face Bella. "You won't find me disagreeing. What you have accomplished here is nothing short of miraculous. And I definitely agree that you're pretty remarkable. What I don't understand is how I come in."

"I want you to help train me," Bella broke in and I shook my head in surprise.

"You already know how to fight," I argued.

"True, but you know about newborns. I need some other tricks up my sleeve, Jasper."

"What exactly are you looking for?" I couldn't fight with Bella, couldn't train with her. And, if I was honest with myself, it had nothing to do with not wanting to risk hurt her. Hell, I couldn't risk _touching_ her.

"Something realistic, something I could use if I found myself up against more than one vampire at a time."

Her request was simple enough. I moved my neck from side to side letting her words sink in scouring the recesses of my mind to come up with something, anything I could give to her that would require the least amount of contact possible. Once again, Bella broke through my thoughts.

"Surely you can think of something where we don't have to have any contact. I know you don't want to touch me."

"What I want to do and what I need to do are two entirely different topics, Bella." Fuck yes I wanted to touch her, I was just smart enough not to go down that road. "Do you know how to shoot?"

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Seriously? I'm a cop's daughter. Charlie taught me to shoot years ago." Her eyes met mine and I knew she sensed the challenge. "I suppose you want me to prove it to you."

"Do you even own a gun?"

Almost immediately, Bella dropped to her knees in front of me and I felt myself harden intensely at the sight of her in that position. Of course, she noticed my eyes darken. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Whitlock and pay attention to your own rules that you laid out before us just a few hours ago!" She smirked at me and as soon as she was finished talking, her bottom lip was immediately drawn in between her teeth. Seriously, fuck me. Reaching beside me, she palmed the same safe the Ronin was kept in. Opening the door, she took out a Sig Sauer .45. "You want to tell me how this," she lifted the Sig slightly, is going to help me against vampires? You know as well as I do that it won't kill them."

Holding my hand out for the semi-automatic, I nodded. "Kill them? No, it won't. But, it sure as hell can make them slow down. In all honesty Bella, if you go up against more than two at a time, there is very little chance you will come out of it. The Sig here will increase those chances, but only slightly. Have you seen what a .45 can do?"

"Cop's daughter, remember?"

"Well, cop's daughter, then you know if you aim for the pinkie, you can essentially take off the entire hand. Imagine how you could slow down several newborns with fire power like that."

She leaned back against the coffee table, her brown eyes wide. "Why the hell didn't I think of that?" She whispered.

"It doesn't matter why you didn't. What matters is what you do with the information now."

"It's been a long time since I've shot anything, Jasper."

"Well," I stood, holding my hand out to her, "let's see what you've got, Swan."

Thirty minutes later, we were still standing in the woods taking turns with the Sig. Bella had pulled her hair up into a loose ponytail to keep it out of her way, never once realizing that simple movement had opened her neck to me increasing her delicious aroma in the air around us. "You're still pulling to the right, Swan."

"I know that, Whitlock," she ground out between her clenched teeth. Don't you think I've noticed it by now?"

"Then why aren't you correcting it."

"I'm trying. Maybe it's the gun itself, asshole," she muttered under her breath and I bit back a smile.

"Asshole, huh? Give me the Sig, Bella." She glared at me but complied. Immediately, I stepped to the makeshift target range we had set up in the woods. More quickly than humanly possible, I fired off one shot towards each target, hitting all of my goals with precise accuracy on the first shot. I looked back at her. "Stop pulling to the right."

"Make me." She spat out and before I could process my own actions, I grabbed her and placed her in front of me.

"Let me see what you're doing wrong," I whispered, placing the gun in her hands.

"I can do this on my own," she whispered back, anger lacing her words.

"Obviously not, Swan. You've been trying for thirty minutes and you haven't hit a target correctly yet. You're the one who wanted my help in this." I raised my hands, taking hers along with mine, both of our hands griping the gun.

"This is a bad idea, Jasper." It was. I knew it was, and she knew it was. It was within my power, my control to stop it and I would, as soon as she made the shot.

"Line up the shot, Bella." Instinctively, my hands went to her waist, intending to help her shift her weight correctly. Her hips rolled and I had to tighten my fingers to keep them from brushing against my already hardened arousal. "Are you ready?"

She nodded her head, her hair brushing against my cheek, my lips against her ear. "Hold your hands still and lock your arms." My fingers moved to her elbows making sure her form was correct before I slid them back down her arms towards her hands. '_I can do this'_ I thought, I am the one in control. I am the one who can teach her to do this correctly and then step away.

I blocked everything else around us out, focusing only on the Sig in her hands and the target she had chosen. "There's already a round in the chamber." She nodded her head again and I fought even harder to keep her scent from filtering further into my system. "Keep the palm of your left hand underneath your right wrist to keep the shot steady."

"Jasper," she whispered, closing her eyes but I couldn't have that.

"Open your eyes, Bella." The sound of my voice sounded different, even to me. I wanted her and I felt the control shift again in my core as the two desires battled themselves out inside of me. One desire was to taste every one of her emotions, to let them fill me in a way I hadn't been filled in years. The other was to taste her, every inch of her, to possess her in a way I hadn't possessed a woman in years. But, I was strong enough to battle both; I had to be. "Breathe, Bella," I commanded against her ear. "Breathe with me and take the shot."

She did. For one small moment, she became my breath. We moved together, drinking in the air around us. Her scent filled me, her arousal clouding my mind. My mind split in half as a portion of it followed the trajectory of the bullet, smiling as it found its mark. The other portion stayed trained completely on the soft woman locked within my arms and I found myself closing my eyes again to stay in control.

I felt more than saw Bella drop the weight of the gun. "Nice shot," I whispered against her neck.

Stunned silence fell between us for a second before Bella found her voice. "I did it!"

The gun fell from her hands and hit the ground as my fingers moved with a mind of their own, relishing the feel of the soft, warm skin under my own. I couldn't take it. Bella was too soft, too warm, too damn willing in my arms. I wasn't strong enough to battle my control for her and I finally gave in, telling myself a small physical taste would assuage any further desire. Slowly, I moved my lips back up her neck towards her ear, drinking in the amazing taste of her skin. "Yeah, you did." I whispered before taking her earlobe into my mouth.

I melted in that moment; with her skin in my mouth, I could taste her arousal although I was no where near where I wanted to be. Losing any semblance of rational thought, I moved my finger up her arms, leaving goose bumps in the wake of my slow trail. "Cold darlin'?" My tongue traced the edges of her ear before dipping back down to her neck. I heard a moan escape as the fingers of her right hand buried themselves in my hair. I wasn't sure if the moan was hers or mine.

"Jasper," she half whispered, half moaned as my fingers found and undid a few of the buttons of her shirt.

I slipped my hand inside feeling the contained heat of her breasts, the tautness of her nipples as my fingers brushed against the silk of her bra. I could have died in that moment and it would have been enough for me. My lips felt like they were on fire against her neck, drinking in the combination of her heat and the pulse of her warm blood right underneath my tongue. "God help me Bella, I want you."

She turned into me at that moment, her mouth open willingly to me, for me. Without hesitation, I devoured her, our tongues battling for entrance into each others' mouths. There was nothing gentle in this kiss and no amount of warning could have prepared me for the physical response my body craved from this moment. I was hungry for her, as hungry for her as I knew she was for me. We were fire and ice and I wasn't sure which one of us would burn out first.

Breaking away for air, she threw her head back, offering her neck to me. With a hunger I had not known in years, I attacked it, leaving my mark in place after place against her silky skin, her taste burning through my mouth, my throat. I sank to my knees in front of her, drawing the rest of her shirt open, revealing her luscious body to me. "Damn," I moaned against her skin. "Little Bella's all grown up."

I leaned forward, my tongue darting out to lap against the skin of her stomach, sliding into her belly button. "You have no idea just how much, Jasper," she muttered back, lacing her hands in my hair and drawing me closer as she arched her back pressing into me. Slowly, I inched my fingers up her back determined to undo the clasp on her bra and free her beautiful breasts for me. Venom pooled in my throat at the thought of drawing the tips deep in my mouth, my tongue swirling around the hardened nipples. My head was ringing with desire. "Mmmm, Jas," Bella moaned

"Mmm hmm," I answered, coherent thought all but gone, the ringing desire incessant.

"Your phone, Jasper," she panted out as I froze, my head against the bare skin of her stomach. Her body danced against me as she gasped for air.

I looked at the caller ID. Fuck. "Hello, Aro," I ground out, shifting my head to the side as I sank further down onto my heels, away from the warmth of Bella's body. Her fingers remained in my hair grounding me to the moment, reminding me of the colossal loss of control I had allowed to happen.

"Jasper, my son." Aro called. "How is everything in Houston?"

"Everything is fine Aro, completely under control." I refused to meet Bella's eyes, knowing just far out of control things had gotten.

"I need to see you my son."

"When," I ground out, sensing more than seeing Bella's movement as she drew her shirt closed.

"One week. There are things going on you must know about." I shook my head. Things were going on that he needed to know about as well.

"Where?" I asked.

"I'm coming to you. Peter will give you the details." Okay, this was officially odd. Aro didn't use anyone but his inner circle to give details. "It is very important that you listen to Peter only." No problem there.

"Yes, sir."

"I will see you soon. Ciao, Jasper."

Minutes passed as I hung up the phone. One first, then another. I needed to hunt, needed to get out of here, get away from Bella. Maybe I needed a trip to Valerie. This was nothing but physical desire, desire that could be bathed elsewhere. But as soon as those thoughts filtered through my mind knew they were false. There was more to what happened here with Bella than desire. I knew it and so did she. But damned if I was going to do anything about it.

"Jasper," I heard her soft voice call out.

"Aro is coming here," I answered, my voice cold and detached. "I don't know the details yet, but he will be here soon." She gasped in a deep breath, knowing what Aro coming here could mean but I just continued. "I think you're fine on your target practice. No more should be needed."

With that, I stood and strode deeper into the forest, leaving Bella on her own to head back towards the house. It was cold, cruel, after what had just happened between us but I felt no guilt because I felt nothing at all. I was Jasper of Volterra. No traces of the humanity of Jaspers Groce and Thompson remained. No traces of Jaspers Cullen or Hale. No. In their place stood the bastard of Volterra. I was strong enough to keep him in place, to keep them pushed far into the recesses of my mind.

But as I turned unconsciously into the direction of the house, my strength faltered. I may be strong enough to keep the remnants of my past bottled up, but I knew I wasn't strong enough to stay away from Bella. I was drawn to her and I knew it was more than just physical. But, I wasn't ready to face anything else, wasn't ready to face the risk of causing her even an ounce of pain. Not yet, maybe not ever.

**So, there it is…as always, please let me know what you think. Favorite parts, favorite lines, least favorite parts. I catalogue questions and try to answer them in later chapters. So, review, review, review.**

**And my final question…is anyone else ready for target practice? Because he sure as hell can take me out right now!!!**


	17. Chapter 16

**It's New Year's Eve, the start of a new year, and hopefully, it will be that for me. I cannot apologize to each of you enough for the delay in updating. In short answer, I had a miscarriage that completely decimated me for a time (I will include a longer detailed author's note at the bottom for those of you who might want the details.) Needless to say, I was not in the frame of mind to write for some time. **

**I realize that many of you might have lost interest in the story…so many months in between updates can cause the flow of the story to be completely lost. I just hope I have not lost too many readers. For those of you who continued to read and review during this time…thanks. Your words brought me joy, even when they were begs for updates or PM questioning my lack of response I still completely enjoyed knowing that others were reading the story. **

**I will be honest that I am unsure with this chapter. Jasper is beginning to turn a corner, even if he doesn't know it. But there is a sadness that still lingers in me and I've worked very hard to keep it from spilling over to him too much. **

**For those of you able to pick back up in the flow of the story…here is the latest update. I am going to try to return to the once a week update. I am not giving up on this story.**

Minutes passed as I sat against the cold, hardness of the ground. I wasn't even sure how long it had been since I walked away from Bella; I just knew I didn't want to go back yet. Fuck. Who was I kidding? I wanted to go back the moment I walked away. But, I wasn't ready. Too much had happened, too much was at stake. I couldn't be the man she needed and I refused to hurt her again.

I knew she had forgiven me for the incident at her birthday. Her words told me that, but her actions in the past week said more than words ever could. And, I knew I was strong enough to never attack her for the sake of her blood again. She didn't understand though that I was more dangerous now than I ever was before. Years ago I would have drained her in an instant, killing her swiftly with no remorse. But now? Now the pain would drain from me and pour into her. It would decimate her, kill her slowly, and I wouldn't be able to do one damn thing about it. I'd watch from the side as the vibrancy that was Bella slowly suffocated

"Fuck!" I yelled, slamming my hand into the ground beside me. This whole situation was entirely my fault. Of course, Bella didn't exactly help the circumstances much; she was just way too damn willing for her, and my, own good. But it was my lack of control that put us in this situation. I needed a fucking release and I needed one soon. Maybe I should just seek out Maria myself, end this situation once and for all, and return to Volterra. As soon as that thought entered my head, I knew it wasn't realistic thought.

I had no plan and I needed one. Now.

Raking my fingers through my hair, I closed my eyes and forced my brain to focus. Maria was the key factor in all of this. She had a plan which was a little disconcerting for me because from my understanding, she had never been very strong in that area ever since I had left. Someone was helping her and it was beyond her supposed Volterra support.

If the support was legitimate I had no doubt Caius was involved somehow. His hatred for humans was so strong it almost knocked me over when I first entered into the ancient city. He would certainly be the first to encourage complete domination of humans. But, who was the second?

The strongest part of me wanted to believe it had to be Marcus. Surely Aro, the one who took me in and afforded me the most leniency could not be involved. But the way my time ended with the Cullens, with Alice, taught me never to completely and blindly trust anyone again. Which led me back to Bella. Fuck if I didn't find myself trusting her, at least enough to get us through the situation we found ourselves in. There didn't seem to be a dishonest bone in her entire body, her unbelievably fucking hot body.

Fuck! And now, I'm right back where I started; thinking things about Bella I had no business thinking.

Standing and adjusting the evidence of my physical arousal, I decided it was time to head back to her house. I needed to lock myself in the tech room and watch Maria again, soak in every detail I possibly could. Maybe I'd be able to get an update on the hunt for Bella as well.

Before I even broke through the tree line, I knew she was not alone. Wade was here. I'm sure he was in there annoying her again. Hell, I wasn't even in the house yet and he was annoying me. I'd love to get him alone; venom pooled in my mouth thinking of the release I would get by unleashing my pain on him in an effort to taste his emotions. Damn, I might actually enjoy that. But, I wouldn't risk it if Bella was around. Opening the door, I was surprised to see Bella slipping on a pair of shoes and grabbing her keys.

"Where the hell are you going?"I demanded as I stepped inside and shut the door harder than I probably should have.

Her eyes narrowed in my direction and I could see Wade smirking as he picked up on Bella's irritation. Fucker. "Out," she answered, almost daring me to stop her.

But, I wouldn't. She knew it and I knew it. So, I ignored every instinct I had and moved slowly towards the couch sprawling almost lazily on it. "Where are you going?" I repeated my question, stressing the _where_.

"Does it matter?" Damn, she was sexy when she was irritated. Hell, she was just sexy period.

"I thought we agreed we'd let each other know where the other was going?"

"We agreed on several…_steps_, if I remember correctly." Bella arched an eyebrow at me.

Well, fuck me.

We stared for a moment, unspoken words flowing between us and I could see Wade shift uncomfortably behind her. "I've got my cell phone, Jasper," she continued. "Wade will be with me. If we need anything, we'll call."

I didn't own her, didn't control her. As stupid as her choice was to go out when there were groups vampires searching heavily for her, I wouldn't stop her. I watched Bella continue grabbing the few things she needed and head towards the front door. "I may be gone when you get back," I called out to her as she moved past the couch. "But, I'll have my cell phone if you need me."

She turned her head back over her shoulder and glared at me. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Yes, Bella; two can play at that game. I wasn't going anywhere but up to the tech room the moment they left, but she didn't need to know that. Wade's voice ripped through the thorny silence.

"Come on Bells, let's just go. You don't need to worry about him."

And again, I say 'Fucker'. "Yeah, _Bells_, you don't need to worry about me." I chimed in officially acting like the asshole that I am.

The slam of the door echoed throughout the entire house and my head fell against the back of the couch, my jaw clenched tightly. I had no right to keep her here, no right to wander about her relationship with Wade. Hell, I had no right to anything relating to Bella at all, but damn if I didn't find myself wanting that right, even if it was just for this short amount of time.

I heard the start of Wade's car and a smile tugged at my lips seconds later, the moment I heard Bella's bike roar to life. Wherever they were going, they weren't going together. I pushed off the couch and headed up the stairs, ignoring the scents coming from Bella's room before opening and shutting the door to the tech room. Almost immediately my eyes were drawn to the screen.

They were scurrying, almost frenzied. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that it must be near feeding time, or the fact that Maria's attentions were that unfocused on them. Whatever the reason, there was no real organization to them at the moment. Fights broke out all over the place and I couldn't help but notice the clear lack of organization came from the lack of a clear strategy. Maybe Maria wasn't that strong right now after all. Try as I might not to, I had couldn't help but keep tabs on Maria and her organization over the years, particularly since I had joined the Volutri. It seems she had tried and failed to find a replacement for me over the years. No one measured up in her eyes. I would often hear tales of her destroying her second in commands and I knew she hated me. I did not have a problem at that at all; in fact, when the time came for us to finally meet, it would probably help me.

I wasn't even sure how long I stared at the monitors, I just knew I was searching for something, anything, that would give me an edge and end this crap. The frenzied behavior quickly became more contained and I sensed Maria must be near the main room. I had been watching for her, knowing she wasn't ballsy enough to leave the confines of her current location, but I had not seen her yet.

Within moments, she stepped into view.

God she was still beautiful. I sank further into the chair wishing that wasn't the case, wishing I could shake that reality from my head, but it was the truth. Maria was beautiful. Long, flowing black hair that even looked as silky to the touch on screen as it I remembered it being in reality. I watched her closely for awhile as she moved between rooms. She stopped in the main room, her contained training area, and my mind was ripped back to a time when it was my training area. But I couldn't dwell there; the past was the past and I had now to focus on.

She was pacing back and forth, yelling, her body coiled with rage and desire. I had to turn up the volume to hear her.

"I don't care where they are," she was yelling. "Somebody better get them on the phone. I want an update as to where they are in the search for her."

"Mistress," I heard a sniveling newborn try to speak up from behind her and I waited for the reaction I knew would come.

"You dare address me?" She raged, snapping her fingers and watching as the current training master ripped the arms from the offending newborn.

"I only mean to offer my humblest services, Mistress." On her knees, the newborn held the most submissive pose possible, balancing herself perfectly even without arms.

"What service could you be to me other than that of a lowly foot soldier?" Maria snarled at the female vampire on the floor in front of her, smiling slightly as the training master gripped the girl's hair pulling her head as far back as possible without ripping it from her neck.

"I see things, Mistress."

"Future things, worthless soldier? Are you are seer?"

"No, Mistress, not exactly," she replied, her face still pointed towards the ground.

"Well what use are you to me if you cannot see the future?" Maria snarled but I could see the hesitancy in her actions. She wanted to know the use of this slave just as much as I did.

"Because I can see the present, Mistress. I can help locate missing things."

"Fuck," I muttered just as Maria's face lit up. She ran her fingers lovingly over the young girl's face, placing her thumb under the girl's chin and forcing her to look up.

"And can you help me find my lost possession my pet?"

"She's not your damn possession," I growled at the screen.

"I can offer you my best services, my beautiful Mistress."

Maria scoffed and I knew she didn't like the answer she had been given. "Your best services better end with the result of me finding what is mine." She looked at the girl kneeling before her and I knew the rush of power that moment filled her with; it was the same one that filled me time and time again when I was with her. "What is your name my pet?"

"Carly, Mistress."

"Well now Carly my pet, it seems like you might need to get busy." She noticed the hesitancy of the girl just a few short moments after I did. "Was there something else," she sneered.

Carly took in a deep breath of unnecessary air trying to calm herself before she spoke. "It has always worked best for me in the past if I have something to touch that may have belonged to the person or object that I am looking for," she whispered.

Fury danced across Maria's face. "What the hell does this look like," she gestured around the room before dragging Carly to her feet with a tight grip on her hair. "Does it look like this is the factory of the Bitch's personal possessions?"

"No Mistress. I only meant to suggest I may be more successful if that were the case, not that I couldn't do it."

"I should hope not my pet." She dragged the girl to the head of the newborn from yesterday. "Remember him?" Maria hissed. "What happened to him will pale in comparison to what I do to you if you fail. Do you understand?"

"Yes-s-s, Mistress Maria," Carly managed to stutter out.

Moments passed before Maria threw her head back in laughter. "Wonderful my pet," Maria exclaimed as she kissed the girl on the forehead. "Now, run along. I have things to take care of."

Without a look behind her, Maria sashayed out of the training room. Carly fell against the body of the trainer for just a moment before she realized what she was doing. She scurried away from him and headed to a small corner I realized must be her "home" in the hellhole. Maria always allowed them too much indulgence but it was a slipup I knew would work in our favor. I knew where to find Carly; now, I wanted to follow Maria.

Scanning the cameras quickly, I found her heading back to her opulent room. It was decorated as Maria's always had been – in deep reds and golds with luscious silks and velvets that felt amazing against our cold, naked skin. I slammed my eyes shut as memories threatened to bubble out but opened them immediately when I heard another voice.

"Calm down my Maria," a sultry voice whispered behind her.

'_Maria?'_ I couldn't help but think to myself. _'Not Mistress?'_ This was someone special. While I had never called her my Maria, I was the only one who had ever gotten away with calling her simply Maria.

The shadow moved again and I was surprised to make out the shape of a woman behind her. Maria turned and melted into her awaiting embrace. I couldn't help but quirk my eyebrow; this was new. Sure I had seen her with women before. She would take them as I would in the past, indulging in the moment of passion, usually only when I was fucking them as well. And usually as quickly as it ended, so did they. She always laughed it off saying she didn't want them to think they would get special favors. Now, I had to wonder if it was because she may have enjoyed it a little too much. My thoughts were confirmed seconds later.

Maria melted into her embrace, their lips immediately touching, caressing, tasting. The lights were dim in her room, dim even for my eyes when trying to look through the camera, but they weren't so dark that I couldn't see the show in front of me.

Sighing, Maria turned around in the woman's arms and I watched as her hand made quick work of the buttons on Maria's shirt and slipped inside. "I hate what she has done to you my dark haired goddess," the woman whispered before leaning forward and taking Maria's earlobe into her mouth.

"To us, my precious Firebird, what she has done to us. That bitch is fucking with my plans and is delaying them. I don't like to be delayed."

"I know, I know," the woman, obviously known as Firebird whispered against the skin of her neck. I knew this tactic, had practiced it often enough myself. Nothing calmed Maria down better than to be worshipped to the point of multiple orgasms. This was not some fly by night girl in Maria's chambers. Firebird knew Maria, was already playing her body like the tightened, sexual instrument I knew it to be. "Let me revere your body Maria." She ghosted the shirt off Maria's arms, her skirt following quickly.

"Yes, yes, my love. Worship me as I worship you." One of Maria's slender arms raised behind her slipping into the girl's hair, drawing her lips harder against her neck. That move brought Firebird's hair into the soft light and I was surprised to see the dark blonde hair peeking out. With a name like Firebird, I had expected a redhead.

They lead each other back to the bed, their lips never leaving each other. Maria drew her body down softly over the woman's and I watched Maria dart her tongue out, running it along Firebird's neck, lifting the shirt she had on to swirl her tongue around the already tightened nipples. Firebird arched against her, encouraging her to take more into her mouth.

"You taste delicious, my love," Maria mumbled as she continued her exploration further, pressing her hands against the woman's pale thighs. "Open for me," Maria commanded gently. "I need to taste you, to slip my tongue deep inside that delicious pussy of yours."

I couldn't help but close my eyes again, forcing my brain to close off the images in front of my so I could process this new information. I didn't care how much I hated Maria, she was beautiful to watch when she was cumming and from the sounds of things, that would be occurring very soon; but, I couldn't focus on that now. Firebird was providing a unique fold in the plan for me.

"Are you enjoying yourself too much or are you remembering?" The voice rang out behind me.

"Shit, Bella!" I swung the chair around. My eyes drank her in as she leaned against the doorframe of the tech room. She was wearing those damn low slung jeans that appeared as if they were painted on and with her thumbs tucked into the pockets, the waistband pulled even lower down her hips. Add that to the too short tank top she was wearing and I had to force myself to swallow the pooling venom at the sight of that creamy sliver of exposed skin clearly visible. How the hell had I not heard her?

My back was still to the computers, not that it would matter anyway; all I could see was Bella. The sounds of sex from the screen behind us filled the room, throwing gasoline on the flames that constantly appeared between the two of us. I stretched out my arm to her, ignoring her initial question. "Come here."

She eyed me warily for half a second before she stepped closer, her fingers lacing with mine. The warmth hit me immediately and coursed through my body. Damn, she felt good. Tugging her hand, I moved her to stand in front of me. I looked into the warm chocolate pools of her eyes and could see the emotions written there: confusion, anger, hope, plus so many others that made Bella who she is. "I may not feel remorse, Bella; but I am sorry about this afternoon. The last thing I want to do is hurt you," I whispered.

"I appreciate the apology, Jasper. I just don't understand why this keeps happening." I knew she was referring to more than the physical draw between us.

"And I don't know how to explain it to you any other way. This is who I am, Bella. The more you are near me, the greater the risk that you are going to get hurt."

"Isn't that my risk to take?" At her words, my head fell forward and I felt her close the distance between us, her fingers running through my hair as my forehead rested on her stomach.

"Maybe it's a risk I don't want to take," I whispered again, my lips brushing against her stomach as I spoke.

"What are you looking for, Jasper? Why this constant battle for control? Is it repentance? Guilt?"

How could I explain the necessity for control in my immortal life? I had none, from the moment of my vampiric birth, control had been stripped of me. All I wanted was control over my own life and the battle I waged inside of myself was the only way I knew to get it. I countered with questions of my own. "Why does it matter, Bella? Why do you feel this need know? What do you want from me?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I'm so tired, Jasper. The fighting, the loss, never having a life of my own." Her voice was quite as she spoke and I could hear the fatigue and hurt laced in her words. I brought my hands up to her waist and felt her melt closer into me. "I hate Maria for who she is, what she did. There's even a part of me that hates Edward for drawing me into a world he had no intention of leaving me in."

"Are you sorry you met us?"

Her hesitancy betrayed her confusion and I found myself trying to wipe it away with the constant movement of my thumb against the soft skin of her exposed back. She finally spoke. "Honestly, no. I've never regretted my time with your family in Forks. I've never begrudged Edward's notorious control issues or even Alice's ever-present visions."

"So why the hatred for Edward? Why stay away from the Cullens'? Why fight this battle alone, or hell Bella, why even fight it at all?"

"Like I have a choice?" She tore herself from my embrace and I immediately felt the loss. "Where could I go? The family didn't want me. Yes, they came back, but they came back for Edward; but, not for me. Edward never had any intention of changing me, never would have allowed it. He wanted me to dance in both worlds for the rest of my life. He didn't realize though what that would do to me. The constant necessity of protection he felt for me would have disappeared over time if I could have taken care of myself, but he would never allow that.

"As for you," she continued, dropping to her knees in front of my, her hands on my shoulders, her eyes locked onto mine. "I can't explain you." A calm quietness spread between the two of us for a moment as we just stared at each other. "I've never been alone, even after I left Forks, I wasn't alone. But, I always felt like I was. You change that for me. I feel safe with you."

"I wish you wouldn't." My fingers were running through the ends of her hair, the softness unlike anything I had ever felt before. "I can't be what you need."

"Just be you," she murmured. "I don't know why I feel the way I do when you are around. You are more than a wonderful solution to my Maria issues, more than a companion in my exile. I just feel right when you are with me. Hell, I've told you more about me than anyone else since I left Forks, probably even before then."

"Even Wade?" I had to ask.

"Yes, even Wade. He's been a good friend, solid support when I needed it. But, he's not what I need."

I sighed. "I'm not either Bella. I won't deny that I want you." My lips brushed against her the soft skin of her neck and I lost myself for a moment in the scent and taste of her. She shivered against my mouth and instinctively, I knew it was from more than the temperature of my tongue. "But I don't want to hurt you. I can't lose control around you."

"You can't always be in control, Jasper. Sometimes things happen. Let go, for me." Her fingers still laced in my hair, she pulled back. Her eyes met mine for a moment before I swept them over her face. Fuck she was gorgeous and for whatever reason, she wanted me.

One taste, I told myself. I could allow myself one simple taste of her, one drink from her warm mouth. Just to show that I could physically give in and still hold all the control I needed. I glanced at her eyes again, noticing the hooded desire there mixed with several other emotions I just could not decipher. My eyes dropped to her lips, noticing the bottom one drawn between her teeth and I realized I could no longer deny her this, any more than I could deny myself.

I leaned closer, closing the distance between us and brushed my lips against hers. The fire was instantaneous, addictive. Warmth spilled through me as she sighed and opened her lips to mine. I brought my hands to face, cupping her jaw as my tongue slipped in between her open lips, tasting her deeply for the first time. She moaned and I realized I could die, truly die right now and never miss a thing. Nothing was sweeter than her. Nothing was more desirable to me. The kiss went on and on, both of us wanting more, neither of us sated. Her tongue danced into my mouth, her lips closed around my tongue, sucking me further into her.

Fuck. I was wrong. Once will never be enough.

She wrenched her mouth away from mine, gasping for breath as her head fell back. Her neck was an open buffet for me and I immediately responded to the invitation. I placed open mouthed kisses all over her neck, nipping gently against her skin, relishing in this simple taste of her. I moved my way upwards, tasting her jaw, her cheeks, the corners of her mouth as she tightened her fingers in my hair, refusing to let go.

"Jasper," she moaned , her voice hot and sultry with desire. "Please, feel what I can't explain. Feel what you do to me, what I feel for you." She leaned forward, her tongue running along the outside of my earlobe. "Let go, for me."

I pulled back, thumbs tracing her cheekbones, running across her swollen lips. I saw the tears pool in her eyes. "My beautiful, beautiful Bella," I murmured, kissing each of eyelids, forcing the tears to spill down her cheeks. I kissed those away as well before looking back at her.

I leaned in, once more pressing my lips against hers before pulling back. "I can't."

She exhaled and drew herself up further, brushing her lips against my forehead. "I won't push, Jasper."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Don't be. I'd rather have you here right now just as you are, than have you somewhere else."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, just don't leave. And please do something for me."

I tore my eyes back up to hers, getting lost momentarily in the depth of her orbs. "Anything."

"Please just don't shut totally back down on me. I don't know why I feel like I need you in my life, I just do."

I closed my eyes. Could I give this to her, knowing that I would not be here forever? "I'll try."

"Thank you. And just remember, Jasper. You can be in control of your life without completely shutting down your emotions.

"I don't think so, Bella. Not feeling is the only protection, the only control, I have left."

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
There you go folks…Jasper is turning a corner he doesn't know is there and Bella is helping him along. I just love an honest Bella. **

**For those of you interested, I feel I need to share my story. I realize there are others out there who have experienced the loss of a miscarriage and I feel for you. I also realize that a moment in life like this does not have to shut absolutely everything down for you. I'm just thankful that I have such a wonderful husband (he's my own personal Jasper) to pull me in from my own shut down. Long story short, I have been married for almost 13 years and have one daughter who is 5 years old. Almost as soon as hubby and I were married, we started trying to have children. It took us years of infertility drugs, 11 cycles of IUI's and In-Vitro with ICSI for my daughter. Bottom line…my body rejects sperm and my eggs basically have a wall around them. We are so blessed to have her in our life. But we did continue to try and have other children. We completed the IVF with ICSI again and were blessed to find out we were having twins. After losing the twins though, my husband and I decided we did not want to spend time wishing away our daughter's childhood for something that may not ever happen when we have this beautiful girl with us. IVF is expensive monetarily and emotionally; so, we gave up the notion of having any other children. **

**That brings us to this fall. I felt something was unusual shortly after my last update. I had Mirena inserted last Spring (even though I cannot have any other children does not mean that we don't try to be smart. Plus, the hormones from Mirena are used to regulate other health issues). My body was trying to expel the Mirena so my doctor removed it, told me to let the uterus rest for a month and then we would try to place another one. The pain during this time was not easy to bear so I took some time resting my body and not doing much else but reading. Low and behold, I conceived two weeks later and by the end of the month, found out I was pregnant. To say that we were surprised is an understatement. Beside ourselves with joy is more like it. Words could not express our feelings at what happened. But it was not to be. My body once again rejected the foreign invasion and expelled the embryo. I was devastated. I would rather not be pregnant at all than once again experience the joy of a pregnancy and the severe loss when it ends. **

**I shut down…only able to focus on my husband and my daughter, which is honestly where it needed to be at the time. I did try to write some, but for the longest time, Jasper refused to talk to me. When he finally did, I swear he was feeling my emotions because the sadness and depression pouring on to his pages was just too much for me to even read, so again I put the story down. **

**As we have moved through Christmas though, I feel more healed. I have a beautiful daughter who is the light of my life, and husband who is worth more to me than anything else. And I have the support of a wonderful family. I picked up the writing again and Jasper was finally speaking to me in a healthy way which leads us to this update. **

**I am so sorry about the delay but it could not be helped. I am not giving this story up, and I will try to get back on a once a week schedule. I hope that I have not lost too many readers and I hope you enjoy this latest update. **

**I am not looking for sympathy I just wanted to explain to those of you interested why there was a delay. **

**As always, I look forward to your comments…favorite moments, lines, scenes, things that don't make sense. **

**Review if you can!**


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